Misadventures of the Village Idiot #39

Thank goodness for three day weekends. They always seem to come at just the right time, right when you really need one. The only problem with three day weekends, though, is that you are always sorry to see them go. Mondays can be bad enough, but the Tuesday following a three day can loom like hell on the horizon. Then the damn thing goes by so fast. You get that sense of "wasn't it just Friday 10 minutes ago?" but the cruel reality is that no, it really is Tuesday morning, so get your ass to work.

Friday
Geez, what did I even do on Friday? I think I might have slept my life away. Yeah, I did. I remember that I was thinking about going to Bound because they were having a burlesque themed night. I have never been there and I was kind of eager to check it out. I was also thinking about Eclipse up in Baltimore. I haven't been to Club Orpheus since Kele-De stopped Ascension. Some new guy, DJ Umbris started up Eclipse and from the pictures it looks entertaining. For a third option, I was thinking about going to a late night showing of Sherlock Holmes. In the end, I wound up not doing anything. It was freakishly cold and I was kind of not in the mood to leave my warm house. Instead, I worked out and watched Jurassic Park. Oooh, very exciting.

Saturday
On Saturday, I got up early and did a bit of a workout, cleaned the house because it was a pigsty and then I got ready to go over to Ceciley's jewellery party down in Waldorf. I had an excellent time. An ex-co-worker of mine, Princess, sells Silpada jewellery. I already kind of knew that I wasn't going to buy anything because most of the jewellery was outrageously expensive and it looked like something old white women would wear. I wanted to support her, of course, a black woman, because we're always in need of support, but I had to really scour the book for something that wouldn't break the bank and for something that I might actually consider wearing. I did find some earrings that I can wear in my second hole. I was annoyed that they were $32, but I guess it's for a good cause. I did admire some bracelets, but not for $165. I took SF along with me and she wound up buying $200 worth of stuff. I think Princess was glad of it, because most of the women there felt like I did: too expensive and not in our taste range.

After the party was over, most people were in the mood to go out. It was quite early and we hadn't eaten properly. Some of us were in the club mode, while some of us just wanted to enjoy a good meal and sit down somewhere. Trying to get 10 black women to agree on any one thing is the prelude to peace. When we decided on one spot, it turned out the place was too full and couldn't accommodate us. Then we settled on another location and that place couldn't fit all of us either. Then we walked across the street and they had an hour wait, then we went back across the street and it was dead over there. So we drove around the corner to a different place. It had a stanky smell to it, like old eggs and sewage, and unfortunately, that was the place we settled on. The only place that could seat such a large party. The food was not good and I didn't want to spend money on sub-standard food. I wanted to hang out with them though because I rarely see them because they live too far away.

After a suitable period, SF and I decided to leave because we had such a long drive back and we were hungry. We went to the diner around the way from my house and we sat in there for THREE HOURS trying to think up commercial jingles. Yeah, don't ask. For some reason, whenever we get together, it's always an exercise in absurdity. We sat in the booth most of the night singing jingles.

Have a good night's rest on us.... Mattress Discounters!

What would you dooooo-oooo for a Klondyke bar?

You're not fully clean unless you're Zestfully clean!

Yeah, serious issues.

Other serious issues included our waitress. She felt it was a personal affront that the customer should be overcharged for anything. When I placed my order she told me how expensive it was going to be because I basically ordered two breakfasts. I wanted a waffle but it came with eggs and meat, and then I wanted an omelette and that came with a bagel and potatoes. I told her to skip all the side dishes and just give me the main course. She offered to give me strawberries in place, but she said, "Don't tell anybody because I have to charge you." Apparently, a teeny bowl of strawberries is $2.49. When she brought them to the table, she made me hide them behind the dessert menu.

She said, "I'm giving them to you for free, because I don't play that shit. Ripping the customer off. No way."

Then she walked off and came back with a handful of grape jelly packets. Since nobody ordered toast, I was like, "What is this for?" She told me to put them in my purse. She said, "That's why I take stuff from them because they are always overcharging the customer. Fuck that shit."

She was completely spazzed. She kept bouncing from table to table, talking too fast; I could hardly understand her. I was like, Yeah, time to switch to decaf. When she brought our food, SF had ordered eggs scrambled with onions, except they just threw some onions on top, not really scrambled with onions. When the waitress saw that she got mad. "Those assholes, that's why I steal the jelly. Cuz they don't know what the fuck they are doing." She also told us that she didn't understand the Geico caveman commercials. SF had to explain it to her.

A very strange evening.

Sunday
I woke up very early Sunday morning to go get my car serviced. In need of a major oil change, some new windshield blades and there was this annoying ass squeak. It was so loud that you could hear me arriving from six miles away. The place opened at 9AM. I was the second person in line because I was standing outside waiting for them to open. I'm quite tired because I got home at 2 in the morning and then I stayed up watching Star Trek.

I went early so I could be in and out. Why did I not leave until noon? Seriously. The guy was like it was going to take about 45 minutes. Thirty minutes for the oil change and some extra to look at the belt that was squeaking. My car sat in the lot for an hour before they even pulled it in to work on it. Then they kept bullshitting me.

First they were going to replace the belt. Then they didn't have a belt. Then they were going to put the same belt back on, but then they couldn't find where he put the belt. Seriously? He would say one thing and then go away for 30 minutes and then come back with something else, go away for 30 minutes and come back with some more bullshit. On top of that, these two jackasses came in making all this racket in the little waiting area. It was nice and quiet. Me, some Filipino lady, and some other guy. Everybody was being nice and quiet, minding their own business, listening to iPods and these two ass clowns come in and they want to strike up a conversation with everybody. I was sleepy, so I kept drifting off and then one guy was like, "Look, look at her, she so tired, she been in the club all night. What... what... you was at Crossroads?"

Leave me alone!

Then the other guy was like, "Oh, she has bedroom eyes. Sniper eyes." Yeah, too bad they don't shoot lasers.

The first guy who was in the waiting room offered to buy me a drink. That was nice of him but I don't take drinks from strange men. Anyway, they finally finished my car. I go home; eat breakfast, which by now is really lunch and then I went to sleep for the rest of the day. I didn't get back up until like 6PM. I did a little work out, watched the second Jurassic Park and then I decided to go out to check out DJ Javier's new spot III in Dupont Circle.

First of all, I hate going down to DC because the parking is always a bitch. I hate Adams Morgan, Dupont Circle, those areas where they are over crowded with bars, restaurants and night spots because the parking is an atrocity. It took me 25 minutes to even find somewhere to park, and not just me trolling for a nice parking space, just to find any parking space at all. I don't live in DC, so I don't take the metro because I would first have to drive to the Metro before I got on the train, which defeats the purpose. People in DC should not have cars so they can make room for visitors who do have cars.

I did eventually luck out and find a decent parking space and that's only because someone left out. I told myself that if I didn't find a parking space in 5 more minutes I was leaving and I found one. The Lord provideth.

Anyway, the club itself was just okay, but the music was great. I love goth/80s goth and it was a welcome change from EBM/Industrial that I always hear in other spots. Kele-De was wrong when she said that the scene couldn't support an all goth night. There were quite a few people there. It was nice. The club itself was just... weird. Support beams oddly placed in the middle of the floor. A strange half-way constructed look like they hadn't finished building the place quite yet. A bathroom that is actually on the dancefloor with an open floor plan so anybody that is too tall might be able to peek inside while you're pissing. Very awkward.

Monday
Monday I got up and finished cleaning my pigsty of a house. I just couldn't take it anymore. I bought new bathroom ornamentation but I wanted to super scrub the bathroom before I put in the new stuff. That was like two months ago and I'm finally getting around to doing that.

I made plans with SF to go over her house and cook dinner and then go see Sherlock Holmes. I swear I am destined to not see that movie! Every time we make plans, something happens. Last time it was the unplanned Ugly Betty marathon. This time it was because we just sat around talking and the time escaped us.

I was really in the mood for some fried chicken. I had been craving it for quite some time. When we went out on Saturday night, I had some chicken wings but they tasted like air. Absolutely no seasoning whatsoever. It was like they opened up a pack of chicken, threw it in the oven and then voila! I didn't even get the added benefit of dirty oil. A travesty.

So I fried up some proper chicken, French fries, sweet potatoes and baked a pan of brownies. SF said she was surprised that I intended to cook a full meal. Did you think I was just going to make chicken and that's it? What to eat with it? Can't just eat chicken! I cooked, she cleaned and we sat down to eat and then we started up with the commerical jingles again, and then we talked about why I'm too good to shack up with somebody, why black women are single, Faceboko drama, and Oscar movies, blockbusters, independent films, and the life and times of Elizabeth Tudor, Queen of England. I told you, it's always very random when we get together. We just jump from one topic to another. I think that's why we get along so well, because we both like to talk. Doesn't even matter about what; just talking.

I stayed over there until 1030, went home, power walked for a mile and then watched Futurama.

Here it is Tuesday and I wish it was the weekend all over again.