So, even though it’s been flooding the Twitter-sphere, I’ve just come to the startling conclusion that this is the end of the first decade in the new millennium.
Wow.
It’s one thing to usher in a whole new year, but it’s quite another to stare down the barrel of another decade. Sometimes I feel much younger than I actually am. I never have a sense of my own mortality. I never think getting old. I never think about running out of time. For me, there’s this whole world out there and I can’t wait to see it.
This year I’ve reached That Total Age, and I’m so glad I don’t feel it. I pray that I should always remain so, never stagnant or complacent.
Our time in this universe is finite, and it’s something all we humans must deal with, but I don’t have to be a slave to it.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Decade.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Afronista Rants #6: I Don't Always Have to Bash
Since I am always saying cruel and unusual things to bring people down, I thought I might end the year on a more positive note, by praising someone for doing something good. It is rare that I compliment people or give them their propers for a job well-done, particuarly black people, especially those of the hip hop variety. Occasionally, however, my arrogant self-righteousness swells to such great heights that I am ruptured by the sharpness of my own tongue, thus bringing me back to earth for a few seconds, before I start swelling up again.
At any rate, I have to give credit where credit is due to Mr. Sean “Diddy,” “Puffy, “Puff,” “Puff Daddy,” “P. Diddy,” “Whatever You Are Calling Yourself” Coombs. He has teamed up with Ciroc Vodka company to offer drunks and alcoholics a ride home this New Year’s Eve. Although I do not drink and don’t like Puffy, Diddy, Puff, whateves, I have to say this is a really good thing going on here.
He has offered to be your designated driver this New Year by offering debit cards and vouchers for free cab rides home in New York City and Las Vegas. You can get a $15 debit card good for use on participating taxis and limousines in both cities. In New York you can also get a free one-way subway voucher. Street teams will be handing out these cards in New York between 8PM and 11PM New Year’s Eve and in Las Vegas you can get them at various distribution points.
I know it’s probably a publicity stunt, some marketing effort, but I’m willing to overlook that because he is using his celebrity for something that is actually real and important. Not saying the whales off the coast of … wherever… aren’t important or the starving children in Ethernopia, but I’m tired of celebrities going overseas to solve world hunger when we have so many problems right here in America. Why battle the courts in Malawi for one moon-eyed infant whose father doesn’t even want to give her up when you could help these American children right here who are bombarded with “you suck” everyday because they see people who have so much more then they do. Everybody in Malawi is poor; the poor orphan in America feels it even worse when he goes to school with kids who are pushed around in Mercedes baby carriages.
Also, very few black celebrities, besides Oprah, ever do anything for anybody. I’m sure there are some, but what black celebrity do you know that’s using his fame and fortune for a cause? I’m really thinking, but I can’t come up with one. If you know, be sure to inform me. At any rate, Puff Puff is amazingly popular. He is a well-known face all across the world. He is also setting a better example to young black men around here. I like that he has cleaned himself up from just some rapper to an entrepreneur. Now he is an entrepereneur who is actually doing something worthwhile with all that money, power and respect he’s garnered over the years. I have never really liked Mr. Puff, but I think the world wouldn’t be as horrible a place if it were a little more P. Diddy and a lot less Lil Wayne.
Drunk driving is a big problem in the United States. Last year, 37% of all driving accidents had to do with alcohol. On average, one person dies every 45 minutes because of an alcohol-related accident. Almost 2 million people are arrested every year for drunk driving, and those who are being arrested for the first time have already driven drunk at least 87 times before that, bringing the national average of drunk driving occurences (without accidents, arrests, etc) to 159 million per year. So basically every time you get out on the road, somebody around you is drunk.
I hate drunk driving; I hate people who drive drunk, tipsy, slightly woozie, whatever. I hate people who say, “I drive better when I’m drunk,” or “I never have a problem driving drunk.” People are too lazy, too cheap, too whatever to find another way home after a night of drinking. What makes me so mad is that people spend hours trying to figure out what to wear for a night of partying, but don’t even give a thought to, “How will I get home?” Most people don’t even think drinking and driving is all that serious, until it happens to them or someone they know.
I don’t know anybody that’s been killed by a drunk driver, thankfully. I’ve never been in an alcohol related crash, and I hope I’m not ever.
Since I will be partying in Vegas this year, I appreciate Mr. Diddy for giving out these free debit cards to keep alcohol-soused losers from plowing into me while I dance my life away on Las Vegas Boulevard. The sad part is that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t get him to drink (no pun intended). Most people think, “How will I get my car in the morning?” instead of “What will do I when I kill someone?”
Mr. Puffy, you did good on this one. Even if you just wanted to throw your name out there, you had the good business acumen to see that this is something that actually makes sense and it might save someone’s life. Thank you for being a smart black man and at least knowing how to use your celebrity for something that isn’t lame. Please continue to do more things like this, and talk to your fellow black celebrities and let them know they should do it too.
And not in Cambodia, but here.
In America.
At any rate, I have to give credit where credit is due to Mr. Sean “Diddy,” “Puffy, “Puff,” “Puff Daddy,” “P. Diddy,” “Whatever You Are Calling Yourself” Coombs. He has teamed up with Ciroc Vodka company to offer drunks and alcoholics a ride home this New Year’s Eve. Although I do not drink and don’t like Puffy, Diddy, Puff, whateves, I have to say this is a really good thing going on here.
He has offered to be your designated driver this New Year by offering debit cards and vouchers for free cab rides home in New York City and Las Vegas. You can get a $15 debit card good for use on participating taxis and limousines in both cities. In New York you can also get a free one-way subway voucher. Street teams will be handing out these cards in New York between 8PM and 11PM New Year’s Eve and in Las Vegas you can get them at various distribution points.
I know it’s probably a publicity stunt, some marketing effort, but I’m willing to overlook that because he is using his celebrity for something that is actually real and important. Not saying the whales off the coast of … wherever… aren’t important or the starving children in Ethernopia, but I’m tired of celebrities going overseas to solve world hunger when we have so many problems right here in America. Why battle the courts in Malawi for one moon-eyed infant whose father doesn’t even want to give her up when you could help these American children right here who are bombarded with “you suck” everyday because they see people who have so much more then they do. Everybody in Malawi is poor; the poor orphan in America feels it even worse when he goes to school with kids who are pushed around in Mercedes baby carriages.
Also, very few black celebrities, besides Oprah, ever do anything for anybody. I’m sure there are some, but what black celebrity do you know that’s using his fame and fortune for a cause? I’m really thinking, but I can’t come up with one. If you know, be sure to inform me. At any rate, Puff Puff is amazingly popular. He is a well-known face all across the world. He is also setting a better example to young black men around here. I like that he has cleaned himself up from just some rapper to an entrepreneur. Now he is an entrepereneur who is actually doing something worthwhile with all that money, power and respect he’s garnered over the years. I have never really liked Mr. Puff, but I think the world wouldn’t be as horrible a place if it were a little more P. Diddy and a lot less Lil Wayne.
Drunk driving is a big problem in the United States. Last year, 37% of all driving accidents had to do with alcohol. On average, one person dies every 45 minutes because of an alcohol-related accident. Almost 2 million people are arrested every year for drunk driving, and those who are being arrested for the first time have already driven drunk at least 87 times before that, bringing the national average of drunk driving occurences (without accidents, arrests, etc) to 159 million per year. So basically every time you get out on the road, somebody around you is drunk.
I hate drunk driving; I hate people who drive drunk, tipsy, slightly woozie, whatever. I hate people who say, “I drive better when I’m drunk,” or “I never have a problem driving drunk.” People are too lazy, too cheap, too whatever to find another way home after a night of drinking. What makes me so mad is that people spend hours trying to figure out what to wear for a night of partying, but don’t even give a thought to, “How will I get home?” Most people don’t even think drinking and driving is all that serious, until it happens to them or someone they know.
I don’t know anybody that’s been killed by a drunk driver, thankfully. I’ve never been in an alcohol related crash, and I hope I’m not ever.
Since I will be partying in Vegas this year, I appreciate Mr. Diddy for giving out these free debit cards to keep alcohol-soused losers from plowing into me while I dance my life away on Las Vegas Boulevard. The sad part is that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t get him to drink (no pun intended). Most people think, “How will I get my car in the morning?” instead of “What will do I when I kill someone?”
Mr. Puffy, you did good on this one. Even if you just wanted to throw your name out there, you had the good business acumen to see that this is something that actually makes sense and it might save someone’s life. Thank you for being a smart black man and at least knowing how to use your celebrity for something that isn’t lame. Please continue to do more things like this, and talk to your fellow black celebrities and let them know they should do it too.
And not in Cambodia, but here.
In America.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Misadventures of the Village Idiot #40
It’s been awhile since I’ve updated you all on my idiotic adventures. I haven’t done anything of particular significance anyway, and who wants to read the mundane details of somebody getting up to go Wal-Mart and an oil change every odd weekend? Not really that exciting.
Anyway, this weekend was Christmas weekend. I had four days off from work: Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and Sunday (unfortunately has no special significance other than being the Christian Sabbath). I technically did have to work on Christmas Eve but I went in so early so I could leave early and it was like I wasn’t even there. I got to work at 5 and was gone by 9.
I was prepared to spend a lonely holiday weekend because I started work so late in the year with my company that I didn’t have much leave time built up. As a result, I was unable to go back West as originally planned. I was thinking about doing a quick turnaround by the skyrocketing ticket prices made me change my mind. I’ve already given the airlines my money three times this year, and I wasn’t about to give them anymore. The last ticket price I saw was $1400. I may be ballin’, but that’s just a bit ridiculous.
SF saved me from holiday depression (har har) by randomly showing up at my house on Christmas Eve. She was in my area getting her hair done, and after tweeting me 14 times asking me if I was busy, she just appeared on my doorstep. I took pictures of her hair, then we went out to dinner and got some ice cream. We came back to my house to watch Gone With the Wind, a movie she had never seen before. I warned her about all the “darkie” jokes and the poor representation of black people in the film. With the 70th anniversary of the movie just last week, the movie has been in entertainment news. Some people still think it’s a great movie, but others think the movie should be reviled.
Okay, so my take on that is that the movie was filmed in 1939. Blacks weren’t highly regarded back then, sorry to say, but it is the sad truth. Secondly, the movie is set during and after the Civil War. We all know what the basic premise of the war was about. There’s really no denying these basic truths and to say that the movie should be burned at the stake for pointing out how ignorant people truly were is moronic. We know nowadays, since we’re all PC or whatever, white people don’t make films using the word “darkie” every other line. White people also try hard not to make films depicting black people in an idiotic way. No, black people make films depicting black people in an idiotic way.
Oh, God, let me turn away from that discussion because I promised myself that I would not turn every blog into a diatribe on black/white images.
At any rate, SF loved the film and I do too, even though I’d punch somebody if they called me a darkie. I love the film because Scarlet O’Hara was the quintessential bitch. I want to be just like her when I grow up, a woman who is absolutely ruthless in trying to get everything she’s always wanted. Only, I’ll be smarter than she was and won’t run off the one man who could put up with my dramatic, bitchy self, like she did.
SF wound up staying over my house until like 230, but I didn’t go to bed until almost 4Am because I suddenly got a case of Clean House Fits. I get into these moments where I have to obsessively clean everything. I started out by sweeping because I can’t stand dusty looking floors, next thing I know, I cleaned the bathroom, did laundry and started scrubbing the walls. Day by day I turn into my mother.
Le sigh.
Christmas Day, CC invited me to have dinner with her family. I greatly appreciated that. I may not celebrate Christmas in the way that everybody else does, but that doesn’t mean I want to sit in my house and stare at TV all day long. I’m annoyed to the core that Christians and their Christmas has the entire country on lockdown. I never noticed this before, but someone pointed out that this is the ONLY religious holiday that shuts down the entire country. Jews, Muslims and the various heathen groups don’t get the day off unless they so choose to use their leave or work directly for their religious organisations. But come Christmastime, the only place I can get dinner is the skanky Denny’s down the street. Why is that if this country is supposed to be the separation of church and state, or a place where all religions can practise freely, or not at all?
What are we non-Christians supposed to do? It kind of leaves us out in the dark, especially if you are unmarried with no children. What loser would be in a restaurant on Christmas Day by herself ? Normally, I wouldn’t even give a thought to it, but dining out while families are all in their Christmas joy seems to shine the big loser spotlight right on my forehead. Needless to say, I appreciate CC’s kindness in inviting me, because honestly, most of my friends do not even think about the single person they know whose family is far away, maybe it’s because this area is filled with people who have never left the area so it doesn’t occur to them that someone might not be from the area with no family around.
CC was even kind enough to warn me which dishes were pork-based so I wouldn’t have to grill the hostess or look like some diet freak. It’s very rude to refuse somebody’s food, or to ask them what’s in it, especially when they’ve so kindly offered to have you over. Since it was her grandmother, she asked so she could let me know on the side. That way I could fill my plate up with other things and not look like I was turning my nose up in someone else’s house.
Her family was very lively and fun, and I was glad to be somewhere. I’ve always liked her mother, who is very black power. I enjoy hearing her point of view on things, particuarly because she is older and has been there, done that. After her grandmother’s house, we went to visit her cousin’s house. I would have gone to the cinema afterwards, but it started raining and I didn’t feel like being on ice-slicked roads.
Saturday, I woke up and went to SF’s house so that we could go shopping, but the best laid plans. First of all, I was supposed to be over there early so we could take time and hit all the Boxing Day sales. Wrong. I got to her house at like 1 and then, true to form, we spent an hour bullshitting. For some reason when we get together, we do a lot of talking. Maybe it’s because we have opposing view points but a lot in common.
We did make it to Barefeet Shoes where we spent TWO HOURS shoe shopping. I think I tried on every shoe in the store. We were in there so long that I had to strip out of all my clothes practically. I was out from all that putting on and taking off. After we finally decided on shoes, then we just had to go look at their clothes, and then we tried on clothes for about 30 minutes. Five pairs of shoes and about $300 later, we finally left. We had dinner at the Butter Factory (as SF calls it) but we had to put the kibosh on our shopping spree because we were supposed to meet a friend in DC that night. I hate being late places, so I insisted that we get home to get dressed.
Saturday night saw us in DC at Layla’s Lounge. Even though we all know how I feel about hip hop joints, I wanted to go because I wanted to hang out with my new friend SWade. We keep saying we were gonna get up with each other but it was one thing after another and finally we were able to actually meet to hang out. It was her friends’ birthday event. I have to give the club a C-, which is more than I usually give hip hop clubs. The inside was very nice, and I liked the VIP section. WAY WAY better than the cramped VIP section at the Imperial in New York. The men were very attractive and I said to myself when I first got there, “I wanna dance with somebody!” and I never want to dance with anybody.
But I discovered that a lounge means, stand around and look cute. Awww. Nobody danced. I mentally prepared myself for the evening. To me, it is not the venue, but the company I keep. I like SWade so I was okay with going there, knowing how I would feel. I wasn’t prepared for the fact that nobody was dancing, just hanging out staring at each other, making googly eyes. That was a huge turn off. They had a football game on and half the guys were watching the game! All these fine women in here!!! What is going on?
It was like some place where everybody gets dressed to kill and you parade around in front of each other just to get numbers. There were some nice looking dudes and then there were some busted dudes. I will never forget Q-bert, some guy with his dreads twisted into this thing. He looked like a Snork. Then Cat Woman was there in a latex striped catsuit like she had skinned the very last Burmese tiger. Or the girl in a dressed that looked like toilet paper. It was very bizarre, but I guess that’s what the DC scene is all about.
Since I was so pumped to dance, I even had on flat shoes and a flexible skirt, I became depressed and wanted to leave. SF was falling asleep anyway, so we decided to hit the road. I felt bad because I didn’t want SWade to think we were leaving because of her or her friends (her friend had some great legs, I need legs like that), and I didn’t want her to think I was leaving because I was in a black club. No, I knew I was going to a black club, but I really thought we were going to dance our lives away, sweat my wig up and scuff my new purple suede boots. I didn’t even feel uncomfortable, which made me even more depressed. Usually, I feel uncomfortable. That did not happen. SF and I ended up going to my goth club, where I did dance for about 15 minutes, but we arrived so late that the crowd had thinned. Poor SF was sleepwalking so we just called it a night.
Sunday, I did absolutely nothing of significance except pre-plan my outfits for Vegas. I kept saying I was going to go to the movies, but I never made it.
Here we are with Monday, and there are only three more days left in this whole year. 2009 has been excellent to me; I hope 2010 brings me to the same fortune, or even better.
Anyway, this weekend was Christmas weekend. I had four days off from work: Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and Sunday (unfortunately has no special significance other than being the Christian Sabbath). I technically did have to work on Christmas Eve but I went in so early so I could leave early and it was like I wasn’t even there. I got to work at 5 and was gone by 9.
I was prepared to spend a lonely holiday weekend because I started work so late in the year with my company that I didn’t have much leave time built up. As a result, I was unable to go back West as originally planned. I was thinking about doing a quick turnaround by the skyrocketing ticket prices made me change my mind. I’ve already given the airlines my money three times this year, and I wasn’t about to give them anymore. The last ticket price I saw was $1400. I may be ballin’, but that’s just a bit ridiculous.
SF saved me from holiday depression (har har) by randomly showing up at my house on Christmas Eve. She was in my area getting her hair done, and after tweeting me 14 times asking me if I was busy, she just appeared on my doorstep. I took pictures of her hair, then we went out to dinner and got some ice cream. We came back to my house to watch Gone With the Wind, a movie she had never seen before. I warned her about all the “darkie” jokes and the poor representation of black people in the film. With the 70th anniversary of the movie just last week, the movie has been in entertainment news. Some people still think it’s a great movie, but others think the movie should be reviled.
Okay, so my take on that is that the movie was filmed in 1939. Blacks weren’t highly regarded back then, sorry to say, but it is the sad truth. Secondly, the movie is set during and after the Civil War. We all know what the basic premise of the war was about. There’s really no denying these basic truths and to say that the movie should be burned at the stake for pointing out how ignorant people truly were is moronic. We know nowadays, since we’re all PC or whatever, white people don’t make films using the word “darkie” every other line. White people also try hard not to make films depicting black people in an idiotic way. No, black people make films depicting black people in an idiotic way.
Oh, God, let me turn away from that discussion because I promised myself that I would not turn every blog into a diatribe on black/white images.
At any rate, SF loved the film and I do too, even though I’d punch somebody if they called me a darkie. I love the film because Scarlet O’Hara was the quintessential bitch. I want to be just like her when I grow up, a woman who is absolutely ruthless in trying to get everything she’s always wanted. Only, I’ll be smarter than she was and won’t run off the one man who could put up with my dramatic, bitchy self, like she did.
SF wound up staying over my house until like 230, but I didn’t go to bed until almost 4Am because I suddenly got a case of Clean House Fits. I get into these moments where I have to obsessively clean everything. I started out by sweeping because I can’t stand dusty looking floors, next thing I know, I cleaned the bathroom, did laundry and started scrubbing the walls. Day by day I turn into my mother.
Le sigh.
Christmas Day, CC invited me to have dinner with her family. I greatly appreciated that. I may not celebrate Christmas in the way that everybody else does, but that doesn’t mean I want to sit in my house and stare at TV all day long. I’m annoyed to the core that Christians and their Christmas has the entire country on lockdown. I never noticed this before, but someone pointed out that this is the ONLY religious holiday that shuts down the entire country. Jews, Muslims and the various heathen groups don’t get the day off unless they so choose to use their leave or work directly for their religious organisations. But come Christmastime, the only place I can get dinner is the skanky Denny’s down the street. Why is that if this country is supposed to be the separation of church and state, or a place where all religions can practise freely, or not at all?
What are we non-Christians supposed to do? It kind of leaves us out in the dark, especially if you are unmarried with no children. What loser would be in a restaurant on Christmas Day by herself ? Normally, I wouldn’t even give a thought to it, but dining out while families are all in their Christmas joy seems to shine the big loser spotlight right on my forehead. Needless to say, I appreciate CC’s kindness in inviting me, because honestly, most of my friends do not even think about the single person they know whose family is far away, maybe it’s because this area is filled with people who have never left the area so it doesn’t occur to them that someone might not be from the area with no family around.
CC was even kind enough to warn me which dishes were pork-based so I wouldn’t have to grill the hostess or look like some diet freak. It’s very rude to refuse somebody’s food, or to ask them what’s in it, especially when they’ve so kindly offered to have you over. Since it was her grandmother, she asked so she could let me know on the side. That way I could fill my plate up with other things and not look like I was turning my nose up in someone else’s house.
Her family was very lively and fun, and I was glad to be somewhere. I’ve always liked her mother, who is very black power. I enjoy hearing her point of view on things, particuarly because she is older and has been there, done that. After her grandmother’s house, we went to visit her cousin’s house. I would have gone to the cinema afterwards, but it started raining and I didn’t feel like being on ice-slicked roads.
Saturday, I woke up and went to SF’s house so that we could go shopping, but the best laid plans. First of all, I was supposed to be over there early so we could take time and hit all the Boxing Day sales. Wrong. I got to her house at like 1 and then, true to form, we spent an hour bullshitting. For some reason when we get together, we do a lot of talking. Maybe it’s because we have opposing view points but a lot in common.
We did make it to Barefeet Shoes where we spent TWO HOURS shoe shopping. I think I tried on every shoe in the store. We were in there so long that I had to strip out of all my clothes practically. I was out from all that putting on and taking off. After we finally decided on shoes, then we just had to go look at their clothes, and then we tried on clothes for about 30 minutes. Five pairs of shoes and about $300 later, we finally left. We had dinner at the Butter Factory (as SF calls it) but we had to put the kibosh on our shopping spree because we were supposed to meet a friend in DC that night. I hate being late places, so I insisted that we get home to get dressed.
Saturday night saw us in DC at Layla’s Lounge. Even though we all know how I feel about hip hop joints, I wanted to go because I wanted to hang out with my new friend SWade. We keep saying we were gonna get up with each other but it was one thing after another and finally we were able to actually meet to hang out. It was her friends’ birthday event. I have to give the club a C-, which is more than I usually give hip hop clubs. The inside was very nice, and I liked the VIP section. WAY WAY better than the cramped VIP section at the Imperial in New York. The men were very attractive and I said to myself when I first got there, “I wanna dance with somebody!” and I never want to dance with anybody.
But I discovered that a lounge means, stand around and look cute. Awww. Nobody danced. I mentally prepared myself for the evening. To me, it is not the venue, but the company I keep. I like SWade so I was okay with going there, knowing how I would feel. I wasn’t prepared for the fact that nobody was dancing, just hanging out staring at each other, making googly eyes. That was a huge turn off. They had a football game on and half the guys were watching the game! All these fine women in here!!! What is going on?
It was like some place where everybody gets dressed to kill and you parade around in front of each other just to get numbers. There were some nice looking dudes and then there were some busted dudes. I will never forget Q-bert, some guy with his dreads twisted into this thing. He looked like a Snork. Then Cat Woman was there in a latex striped catsuit like she had skinned the very last Burmese tiger. Or the girl in a dressed that looked like toilet paper. It was very bizarre, but I guess that’s what the DC scene is all about.
Since I was so pumped to dance, I even had on flat shoes and a flexible skirt, I became depressed and wanted to leave. SF was falling asleep anyway, so we decided to hit the road. I felt bad because I didn’t want SWade to think we were leaving because of her or her friends (her friend had some great legs, I need legs like that), and I didn’t want her to think I was leaving because I was in a black club. No, I knew I was going to a black club, but I really thought we were going to dance our lives away, sweat my wig up and scuff my new purple suede boots. I didn’t even feel uncomfortable, which made me even more depressed. Usually, I feel uncomfortable. That did not happen. SF and I ended up going to my goth club, where I did dance for about 15 minutes, but we arrived so late that the crowd had thinned. Poor SF was sleepwalking so we just called it a night.
Sunday, I did absolutely nothing of significance except pre-plan my outfits for Vegas. I kept saying I was going to go to the movies, but I never made it.
Here we are with Monday, and there are only three more days left in this whole year. 2009 has been excellent to me; I hope 2010 brings me to the same fortune, or even better.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Daily News December 28
Today is Monday, December 28. It is the 362nd day of the year with three days to go.
Today’s History
In 1846, Iowa became the 29th state admitted to the Union.
In 1945, Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance.
Today’s News
Your Homework Assignment
Elementary school students in California wondered what kind of homework assignment their teacher had given them after she sent them home with a DVD of her having sex on a couch. The DVD was supposed to contain images of the schoolchildren telling stories in class, but instead there was a clip of her having sex spliced in the middle of story time. A parent called the teacher to tell her what was on DVD and the teacher originally asked for the DVDs to be returned. The school district instead instructed the parents to destroy them. There is no word on what happened to the teacher or if any action was taken.
This is just wrong on so many levels. First of all, when the teacher brought her camcorder to school to record the class, she couldn’t find a blank tape? She had to use her straight-to-video release sex tape? Secondly, after you finish making a video, don’t you watch it just to make sure it came out the way you wanted it? With all this fancy new technology out there, she could have easily edited that out, but that’s only if she had bothered watching the tape in the first place. These were elementary aged kids, not middle school or high school kids, so I know they have some questions for their parents, not to mention they are going to be looking at their teacher funny. It doesn’t say what happened to her. Maybe she shouldn’t be fired, but at least moved to another grade or classroom until this whole thing is forgotten.
Speaking of Sex Tapes
An 86 year old governor from India has resigned from his position after a local TV station aired a tape of him having sex with three women. After the tape aired, women’s rights groups protested against him and demanded that he resign. The governor claims the tape was fabricated by the TV station, but a woman introduced the three women to the governor says it is true. The three women were brought to the governor in exchange for a position on a mining lease. When the governor failed to keep his promise, the woman sent the tape to the TV station. The tape would have been aired on public television several more times, but a court put a stop to that.
Nobody wants to see an 86 year old man have sex with three women anyway, but I think the U.S. should take a page from India’s book. I know we’re concerned about what our children see, but I think the U.S. would be a lot less corrupt if we actually aired people’s dirty laundry on national television. If we so choose, we should be able to read scandalous letters written between political parties, or hear actual testimony of what really happened; not the watered down version that shows up on ABC News Nightly. Then maybe people would learn to keep their pants on.
So Early, So Early In the Morn
An Italian toy store owner showed he was really in the Christmas spirit by opening up his shop at 4AM Christmas Day to help a mother whose gifts had been stolen. The mother put her little girls in bed Christmas Eve night then went down to the basement to get their gifts, only to discover that they had been stolen. Frantic that her children would not have anything under the tree Christmas morning, she ran out to various gas stations trying to find something to buy for them. She reported the incident to the police, and the police called the toy store owner to ask him to open his store. The mother was able to get something for her little girls.
I’m sure many of you think this is a sweet heart-warming story about Christmas spirit, and really it is, but if people weren’t so obsessed with the need to GET things on Christmas, then it wouldn’t really matter if there was nothing under the tree or not. I’m sure two little girls would be disappointed, but the mother could have explained that some jackass robbed them. Instead, I would have cooked a super delicious extravagant breakfast and then taken them on an adventure, some place that we had never gone, doing things we had never done before. I would have made it a Christmas to remember, because you can be sure that the kids probably don’t even care what lengths the mother went to just so they could have some toys under the tree. And if I had been the toy store owner, “Bah humbug, we’ll be open tomorrow at our regular time.” I know, I’m mean.
Today’s Celebrity
What Goes Around Comes Around
While Jon Gosselin was out visiting his children for Christmas, someone was at his apartment ransacking the place. He returned to find his furniture had been slashed, the TV stolen and a note pinned to his dresser with a butcher knife. His clothes and other furniture were also destroyed, as well as a family heirloom vase. Whoever trashed the place stole most of his electronics and his dishes.
Does anybody know where Kate was while he was seeing the kids? The cops won’t say what was in the letter but it was probably something like, “Jon Gosselin, you piece of trash.”
Another Unruly Passenger
Donald Trump’s ex-wife, Ivana Trump, had to be removed from an airplane after she got angry and started screaming at children on the plane. Several kids were screaming and running up and down the aisles, and reportedly Ms. Trump began cursing at them, telling them to shut up and sit down. The flight attendants tried to calm her down, but she only got more aggravated. When she started screaming, she was asked to voluntarily exit the plane. She refused and the police had to escort her off.
Okay, so the kids are the ones running up and down the aisles screaming, but Ivana Trump has to get off the plane because she was agitated. Why didn’t the brats have to get off the plane? Shouldn’t they be in their seats? At any rate, Ivana better be careful. These days, passengers who make even the slightest noise on the plane will get removed and questioned for terrorism, just like they did those two men in Phoenix. Next thing you know, we’ll be hearing about Al Qaeda’s newest operative: Ivana Trump and her many ex-husbands.
Today’s Thought
Our chief defect is that we are more given to talking about things than to doing them. ~Jawaharlal Nehru
Today’s History
In 1846, Iowa became the 29th state admitted to the Union.
In 1945, Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance.
Today’s News
Your Homework Assignment
Elementary school students in California wondered what kind of homework assignment their teacher had given them after she sent them home with a DVD of her having sex on a couch. The DVD was supposed to contain images of the schoolchildren telling stories in class, but instead there was a clip of her having sex spliced in the middle of story time. A parent called the teacher to tell her what was on DVD and the teacher originally asked for the DVDs to be returned. The school district instead instructed the parents to destroy them. There is no word on what happened to the teacher or if any action was taken.
This is just wrong on so many levels. First of all, when the teacher brought her camcorder to school to record the class, she couldn’t find a blank tape? She had to use her straight-to-video release sex tape? Secondly, after you finish making a video, don’t you watch it just to make sure it came out the way you wanted it? With all this fancy new technology out there, she could have easily edited that out, but that’s only if she had bothered watching the tape in the first place. These were elementary aged kids, not middle school or high school kids, so I know they have some questions for their parents, not to mention they are going to be looking at their teacher funny. It doesn’t say what happened to her. Maybe she shouldn’t be fired, but at least moved to another grade or classroom until this whole thing is forgotten.
Speaking of Sex Tapes
An 86 year old governor from India has resigned from his position after a local TV station aired a tape of him having sex with three women. After the tape aired, women’s rights groups protested against him and demanded that he resign. The governor claims the tape was fabricated by the TV station, but a woman introduced the three women to the governor says it is true. The three women were brought to the governor in exchange for a position on a mining lease. When the governor failed to keep his promise, the woman sent the tape to the TV station. The tape would have been aired on public television several more times, but a court put a stop to that.
Nobody wants to see an 86 year old man have sex with three women anyway, but I think the U.S. should take a page from India’s book. I know we’re concerned about what our children see, but I think the U.S. would be a lot less corrupt if we actually aired people’s dirty laundry on national television. If we so choose, we should be able to read scandalous letters written between political parties, or hear actual testimony of what really happened; not the watered down version that shows up on ABC News Nightly. Then maybe people would learn to keep their pants on.
So Early, So Early In the Morn
An Italian toy store owner showed he was really in the Christmas spirit by opening up his shop at 4AM Christmas Day to help a mother whose gifts had been stolen. The mother put her little girls in bed Christmas Eve night then went down to the basement to get their gifts, only to discover that they had been stolen. Frantic that her children would not have anything under the tree Christmas morning, she ran out to various gas stations trying to find something to buy for them. She reported the incident to the police, and the police called the toy store owner to ask him to open his store. The mother was able to get something for her little girls.
I’m sure many of you think this is a sweet heart-warming story about Christmas spirit, and really it is, but if people weren’t so obsessed with the need to GET things on Christmas, then it wouldn’t really matter if there was nothing under the tree or not. I’m sure two little girls would be disappointed, but the mother could have explained that some jackass robbed them. Instead, I would have cooked a super delicious extravagant breakfast and then taken them on an adventure, some place that we had never gone, doing things we had never done before. I would have made it a Christmas to remember, because you can be sure that the kids probably don’t even care what lengths the mother went to just so they could have some toys under the tree. And if I had been the toy store owner, “Bah humbug, we’ll be open tomorrow at our regular time.” I know, I’m mean.
Today’s Celebrity
What Goes Around Comes Around
While Jon Gosselin was out visiting his children for Christmas, someone was at his apartment ransacking the place. He returned to find his furniture had been slashed, the TV stolen and a note pinned to his dresser with a butcher knife. His clothes and other furniture were also destroyed, as well as a family heirloom vase. Whoever trashed the place stole most of his electronics and his dishes.
Does anybody know where Kate was while he was seeing the kids? The cops won’t say what was in the letter but it was probably something like, “Jon Gosselin, you piece of trash.”
Another Unruly Passenger
Donald Trump’s ex-wife, Ivana Trump, had to be removed from an airplane after she got angry and started screaming at children on the plane. Several kids were screaming and running up and down the aisles, and reportedly Ms. Trump began cursing at them, telling them to shut up and sit down. The flight attendants tried to calm her down, but she only got more aggravated. When she started screaming, she was asked to voluntarily exit the plane. She refused and the police had to escort her off.
Okay, so the kids are the ones running up and down the aisles screaming, but Ivana Trump has to get off the plane because she was agitated. Why didn’t the brats have to get off the plane? Shouldn’t they be in their seats? At any rate, Ivana better be careful. These days, passengers who make even the slightest noise on the plane will get removed and questioned for terrorism, just like they did those two men in Phoenix. Next thing you know, we’ll be hearing about Al Qaeda’s newest operative: Ivana Trump and her many ex-husbands.
Today’s Thought
Our chief defect is that we are more given to talking about things than to doing them. ~Jawaharlal Nehru
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The Afronista Rants #5: What Precisely is Kwanzaa Anyway?
The holiday season, which usually runs from Thanksgiving until New Year’s, is usually bombarded with the pagan-derived antics of the Christians and the more solemn rituals of the Jews. Of course, you also have your heathen commerical presence with the devil-worshipping Santa Claus and Black Friday ad posters beckoning God-fearing people to their doom.
In these trying times where religion is fighting an endless, pointless war with evil’s henchman, otherwise known as Wal-Mart and Best Buy, one struggles how to best converse with someone without offending them or *gasp* being politically incorrect. Should I say Merry Christmas? Or is it Happy Holidays? You never know what to say and it winds up being awkward and senseless.
Depending on where you are in the country, things will be different. In the South, it’s Merry Christmas, no questions asked. They’re all God-fearing Christians down there; likewise in the Midwest. It’s only in the heathen big cities do you have a problem, and of course, the hairy-legged, bra-burning, hippies out west are more of the Happy Holidays sort. What I don’t notice is the Happy Kwanzaa crowd. Where are these people?
Every year I see a vague semblance of this holiday, like a spectre in the night. I do not precisely know what it is. Being black, perhaps this is shameful, but then as I give this matter further thought I realise that none of my black friends, as black as they are, seem to celebrate the mysterious holiday of Kwanzaa. What is this Kwanzaa, anyway? One year my aunt sent me a Christmas card in the mail with a Kwanzaa stamp on it. I was 22 and I thought, “What the hell is this?”
According to my internet search, Kwanzaa is a weeklong celebration honouring universal African heritage and culture. You light some candles, you have a party and give some gifts from Boxing Day to New Year’s Day. Sounds an awful lot like Chanukah, but what do I know? As I read further, I see that this holiday was invented in the sixties, so it is not a long standing tradition, barely 40 years old. This guy, this Ron Karenga, created it to be a specifically African American holiday, to “give blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practise of the dominant society.”
Well, that’s just the most moronic thing I’ve ever heard. Given that it was created in the sixties during the Civil Rights movement speaks volumes. This, in my view, is another one of those things that black people invent to further segregate and alienate themselves from the white society they view as the oppressor, which is, as I’ve always said, one of the worst things we can possibly do as a race. I promise I won’t beat that dead horse any further.
Let’s give blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practise of the dominant society. Sorry to say that most blacks don’t know their own history. Will Kwanzaa give them an opportunity to do so? I sincerely doubt it. Let’s have a holiday to celebrate being black, but if white people had a holiday to celebrate being white, black people would shit themselves at the injustice of it all. (And don’t say Saint Patrick’s Day because it is not a celebration of being white, morons.) Let’s have a holiday to celebrate being black and put it directly during the Judeo-Christian-Pagan holidays so black people don’t have to imitate the practise of the dominant society.
Does anybody else notice what a ridiculous statement this is? Hello… most black people have very strong Christian roots. You go south and all the black people are Southern Baptists. In fact, while it is conceivable, how many black people do you know that aren’t Christian. You will find your Black Muslims in the big cities, but for the most part, they’re all Christian. So you’re basically telling people to forgo their faith in favour of some secular garbage that celebrates the furtherance of segregation and racism.
So there’s something called the seven principles of blackness: Unity, Self-Determination, Collective Work and Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity, and Faith. These are not bad principles at all, but why do they have to be the seven principles of blackness? Why can they not be seven principles that all people should have? This sounds just like the movement from which this “holiday” sprang: black power and a seclusionary society.
To me, Kwanzaa sounds like some made up crap that black people invented to make themselves feel like they have something special, something of their own. The sad part is, this “holiday” is so self-centered that it purposely excludes other groups of people, large groups of other people, making it impossible to celebrate in this day and age without looking like a racist jackass. If I invited my white friends over a Kwanzaa celebration and then went on about the seven principles of blackness, I wouldn’t make them feel very much at home. Thirty years after Ron Karenga made that outrageous statement, he now says that Kwanzaa can be celebrated by all races and it is not a celebration to divert people from their religion and religious holidays. “Kwanzaa is not a substitute for anything. In fact, it offers a clear and self-conscious option, and chance to make a proactive choice, a self-affirming and positive choice as distinct from a reactive one.”
What does that even mean? I doubt even he knows.
There are varying statistics on precisely how many black people celebrate this nonsense. Some say that 28 million people celebrate it. Others say 12 million or 30 million. Based solely on observation of what is around me and absolutely no scientific evidence at all, I find these numbers to be an exaggeration. I do not know anybody who celebrates Kwanzaa. I do not know anybody who knows anybody that celebrates Kwanzaa. Where are these 12-30 million people? Let me know because I want to see a Kwanzaa celebration. I want to see what these people do, how they live, who they are. I would like to see more so that I can make more than just basic generalisations on what I think I know.
At any rate, as I do not celebrate anything that purposely sets black people off from society, I abhor the very idea of Kwanzaa. If I were Christian I would be offended at the dates chosen for this celebration. It really seems like they were trying to get black people to not celebrate Christmas. I’m also perturbed by the fact that many of the rituals in Kwanzaa look like Jewish traditions, but yet this was supposed to celebrate Africanism as a whole.
This is not a good look.
In these trying times where religion is fighting an endless, pointless war with evil’s henchman, otherwise known as Wal-Mart and Best Buy, one struggles how to best converse with someone without offending them or *gasp* being politically incorrect. Should I say Merry Christmas? Or is it Happy Holidays? You never know what to say and it winds up being awkward and senseless.
Depending on where you are in the country, things will be different. In the South, it’s Merry Christmas, no questions asked. They’re all God-fearing Christians down there; likewise in the Midwest. It’s only in the heathen big cities do you have a problem, and of course, the hairy-legged, bra-burning, hippies out west are more of the Happy Holidays sort. What I don’t notice is the Happy Kwanzaa crowd. Where are these people?
Every year I see a vague semblance of this holiday, like a spectre in the night. I do not precisely know what it is. Being black, perhaps this is shameful, but then as I give this matter further thought I realise that none of my black friends, as black as they are, seem to celebrate the mysterious holiday of Kwanzaa. What is this Kwanzaa, anyway? One year my aunt sent me a Christmas card in the mail with a Kwanzaa stamp on it. I was 22 and I thought, “What the hell is this?”
According to my internet search, Kwanzaa is a weeklong celebration honouring universal African heritage and culture. You light some candles, you have a party and give some gifts from Boxing Day to New Year’s Day. Sounds an awful lot like Chanukah, but what do I know? As I read further, I see that this holiday was invented in the sixties, so it is not a long standing tradition, barely 40 years old. This guy, this Ron Karenga, created it to be a specifically African American holiday, to “give blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practise of the dominant society.”
Well, that’s just the most moronic thing I’ve ever heard. Given that it was created in the sixties during the Civil Rights movement speaks volumes. This, in my view, is another one of those things that black people invent to further segregate and alienate themselves from the white society they view as the oppressor, which is, as I’ve always said, one of the worst things we can possibly do as a race. I promise I won’t beat that dead horse any further.
Let’s give blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practise of the dominant society. Sorry to say that most blacks don’t know their own history. Will Kwanzaa give them an opportunity to do so? I sincerely doubt it. Let’s have a holiday to celebrate being black, but if white people had a holiday to celebrate being white, black people would shit themselves at the injustice of it all. (And don’t say Saint Patrick’s Day because it is not a celebration of being white, morons.) Let’s have a holiday to celebrate being black and put it directly during the Judeo-Christian-Pagan holidays so black people don’t have to imitate the practise of the dominant society.
Does anybody else notice what a ridiculous statement this is? Hello… most black people have very strong Christian roots. You go south and all the black people are Southern Baptists. In fact, while it is conceivable, how many black people do you know that aren’t Christian. You will find your Black Muslims in the big cities, but for the most part, they’re all Christian. So you’re basically telling people to forgo their faith in favour of some secular garbage that celebrates the furtherance of segregation and racism.
So there’s something called the seven principles of blackness: Unity, Self-Determination, Collective Work and Responsibility, Cooperative Economics, Purpose, Creativity, and Faith. These are not bad principles at all, but why do they have to be the seven principles of blackness? Why can they not be seven principles that all people should have? This sounds just like the movement from which this “holiday” sprang: black power and a seclusionary society.
To me, Kwanzaa sounds like some made up crap that black people invented to make themselves feel like they have something special, something of their own. The sad part is, this “holiday” is so self-centered that it purposely excludes other groups of people, large groups of other people, making it impossible to celebrate in this day and age without looking like a racist jackass. If I invited my white friends over a Kwanzaa celebration and then went on about the seven principles of blackness, I wouldn’t make them feel very much at home. Thirty years after Ron Karenga made that outrageous statement, he now says that Kwanzaa can be celebrated by all races and it is not a celebration to divert people from their religion and religious holidays. “Kwanzaa is not a substitute for anything. In fact, it offers a clear and self-conscious option, and chance to make a proactive choice, a self-affirming and positive choice as distinct from a reactive one.”
What does that even mean? I doubt even he knows.
There are varying statistics on precisely how many black people celebrate this nonsense. Some say that 28 million people celebrate it. Others say 12 million or 30 million. Based solely on observation of what is around me and absolutely no scientific evidence at all, I find these numbers to be an exaggeration. I do not know anybody who celebrates Kwanzaa. I do not know anybody who knows anybody that celebrates Kwanzaa. Where are these 12-30 million people? Let me know because I want to see a Kwanzaa celebration. I want to see what these people do, how they live, who they are. I would like to see more so that I can make more than just basic generalisations on what I think I know.
At any rate, as I do not celebrate anything that purposely sets black people off from society, I abhor the very idea of Kwanzaa. If I were Christian I would be offended at the dates chosen for this celebration. It really seems like they were trying to get black people to not celebrate Christmas. I’m also perturbed by the fact that many of the rituals in Kwanzaa look like Jewish traditions, but yet this was supposed to celebrate Africanism as a whole.
This is not a good look.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Daily News December 23
Today is Wednesday, December 23, 2009. It is the 357th day of the year with eight more to go.
Today’s History
In 1783, George Washington resigned as commander in chief of the Continental Army and retired to his home at Mount Vernon, VA.
In 1823, the poem “Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas” was published anonymously in New York. We know it as “’Twas the Night Before Christmas.”
Today’s News
Charity Begins At Home
A fifth grade boy from Indiana was obviously in the giving Christmas spirit when he handed out about $300 to his classmates while riding the bus to school. The kids who received the money reported to teachers that the boy was seen with a large sum of cash. When the police arrived, they found the boy with approximately $10,000 that he had taken from his grandparents’ safe. The police have no idea how the boy got into the safe and what he truly intended to do with the money.
Yeah, let one of the kids in my family bust up into my safe and start handing out MY hard-earned money. Ass whooping!
Coffee and a Steak Knife
A Michigan wandered into a diner and calmly ordered a cup of coffee even though he clearly had a knife protruding from his chest. The man had been walking through a park when another man attempted to rob him. When he refused to give the robber any money, he was stabbed in the chest with a 5 inch steak knife. The knife went in so deeply that only the plastic handle showed. The robber ran off and the man tried to get help from a nearby apartment complex. When no help could be found there, he went to a pay phone and called 911. He told the operator that he had been stabbed and then told her that he was going over to the diner to wait for the ambulance because it was too cold to stand outside. The diner was more than half a mile away. The man walked into the diner, sat down and ordered a cup of coffee and waited until the ambulance arrived. The man is now recovering.
I guess he figured there was no point in carrying on. At least he had the good sense to get out of the cold while he waited for the ambulance. It’s cold up there in Michigan this time of year.
Hello, 911? My Son is an Addict
Not a coke addict, or an alcoholic, but a video game addict. A Boston mother called 911 to say that she could not get her 14 year old son to stop playing video games. It was after 2 in the morning when she called saying that she wanted the kid to turn the game off and go to bed. She said that he was wandering around the house and turning all the lights on. Police arrived and persuaded the boy to listen to his mother and he eventually turned the game off and went to bed. The boy had been playing Grand Theft Auto.
Okay, so I know some parents do not want to beat their children. That’s perfectly fine. Although I believe if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. If you don’t like that, here’s what you do. When you tell little Johnny time to turn the game off and get his ass in bed and he don’t listen, you repeat yourself one more time just to ensure that he heard you. If he still does not acknowledge you, then you calmly walk over to the XBOX or PS3, you rip it out the wall and throw it out the window. Turn the lights off. “Good night.” Very simple. No need for police presence.
Ball-Buster
A 54 year old Minnesota woman is being held while authorities decide whether or not to charge her with domestic assault, third-degree assault and interfering with a 911 call for grabbing a man’s balls so hard he needed stitches. The report alleges the man and woman got into a domestic dispute when she grabbed his genitals hard enough to tear. When the police arrived, the man showed them the tear. The woman claims that he cut himself. The man had to have several stitches.
Dang, she got that G.I. Joe Kung Fu grip! All she did was grab them and they ripped. Either she is a beast or he got some sensitive stuff going on down there.
Today’s Thought
You can always spot a well-informed man—his views are the same as yours. ~Ilka Chase
Today’s History
In 1783, George Washington resigned as commander in chief of the Continental Army and retired to his home at Mount Vernon, VA.
In 1823, the poem “Account of a Visit from St. Nicholas” was published anonymously in New York. We know it as “’Twas the Night Before Christmas.”
Today’s News
Charity Begins At Home
A fifth grade boy from Indiana was obviously in the giving Christmas spirit when he handed out about $300 to his classmates while riding the bus to school. The kids who received the money reported to teachers that the boy was seen with a large sum of cash. When the police arrived, they found the boy with approximately $10,000 that he had taken from his grandparents’ safe. The police have no idea how the boy got into the safe and what he truly intended to do with the money.
Yeah, let one of the kids in my family bust up into my safe and start handing out MY hard-earned money. Ass whooping!
Coffee and a Steak Knife
A Michigan wandered into a diner and calmly ordered a cup of coffee even though he clearly had a knife protruding from his chest. The man had been walking through a park when another man attempted to rob him. When he refused to give the robber any money, he was stabbed in the chest with a 5 inch steak knife. The knife went in so deeply that only the plastic handle showed. The robber ran off and the man tried to get help from a nearby apartment complex. When no help could be found there, he went to a pay phone and called 911. He told the operator that he had been stabbed and then told her that he was going over to the diner to wait for the ambulance because it was too cold to stand outside. The diner was more than half a mile away. The man walked into the diner, sat down and ordered a cup of coffee and waited until the ambulance arrived. The man is now recovering.
I guess he figured there was no point in carrying on. At least he had the good sense to get out of the cold while he waited for the ambulance. It’s cold up there in Michigan this time of year.
Hello, 911? My Son is an Addict
Not a coke addict, or an alcoholic, but a video game addict. A Boston mother called 911 to say that she could not get her 14 year old son to stop playing video games. It was after 2 in the morning when she called saying that she wanted the kid to turn the game off and go to bed. She said that he was wandering around the house and turning all the lights on. Police arrived and persuaded the boy to listen to his mother and he eventually turned the game off and went to bed. The boy had been playing Grand Theft Auto.
Okay, so I know some parents do not want to beat their children. That’s perfectly fine. Although I believe if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. If you don’t like that, here’s what you do. When you tell little Johnny time to turn the game off and get his ass in bed and he don’t listen, you repeat yourself one more time just to ensure that he heard you. If he still does not acknowledge you, then you calmly walk over to the XBOX or PS3, you rip it out the wall and throw it out the window. Turn the lights off. “Good night.” Very simple. No need for police presence.
Ball-Buster
A 54 year old Minnesota woman is being held while authorities decide whether or not to charge her with domestic assault, third-degree assault and interfering with a 911 call for grabbing a man’s balls so hard he needed stitches. The report alleges the man and woman got into a domestic dispute when she grabbed his genitals hard enough to tear. When the police arrived, the man showed them the tear. The woman claims that he cut himself. The man had to have several stitches.
Dang, she got that G.I. Joe Kung Fu grip! All she did was grab them and they ripped. Either she is a beast or he got some sensitive stuff going on down there.
Today’s Thought
You can always spot a well-informed man—his views are the same as yours. ~Ilka Chase
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Daily News December 17
Today is Thursday, December 17, 2009. It is the 351st day of the year with 14 to go.
Today’s History
In 1903, Wilbur and Orville Wright conducted the first successful manpowered airplane flights.
In 1989, the TV series “The Simpsons” premiered on Fox.
Today’s News
Ooops, I Did It Again
The couple who crashed the White House state dinner wasn’t the first couple to randomly show up uninvited to an event. A nice Georgia couple accidentally showed up at the White House for a tour a day earlier than they were supposed to. They didn’t realize what was going on until a White House aide showed them into a room where a lavish buffet had been laid. The couple was surprised because they didn’t think breakfast was apart of the tour. The husband told the White House aide that he thought they might be in the wrong place, but the aide told them, “Just go with the flow.” The couple was properly screened and since they had already gone through background checks for the White House tour, they were allowed inside a buffet that was being held for veterans. White House spokespeople say it is not unusual for tour guests to be invited to other events if there is room and since the husband was indeed a veteran, there was no harm done. The couple got to have breakfast with President and Mrs. Obama.
I need them to get it together over there at the White House. Perhaps I’m a conspiracy theorist but how come the Secret Service is suddenly making all these mistakes? Has this ever happened before with previous presidents? Has the Secret Service allowed random people get into close proximity with the president before? Or is this something new? They need to get it together. Look what happened to Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi.
Message G-3
A California father figured that his cell phone bill would probably go up a little bit after he decided to add his 13 year old son to his plan. He did not expect the bill to be nearly $22,000. Apparently, the family’s cell phone plan did not include data service (like text messaging and internet), and the boy downloaded 1.4 million kilobytes over the span of a month. Because there was no data plan, they were charged by the megabyte. Verizon has agreed to credit the account for the entire amount and the father has also suspended the son’s phone.
I hope they get a data plan. I guess they haven’t heard of the unlimited everything plan. For some families the unlimited everything plans are expensive, but I’m sure it’s MUCH cheaper than $22,000. What if Verizon had said, “Oh well, sorry for your luck! Bill’s due tomorrow.”
It’s Mine! Not It’s Mine!
A judge in France has decided the argument between two gamblers has gone on long enough and has ruled that the jackpot be split. The argument started between two friends who gambled together. They were playing the slots at a casino when the woman put 50 euros into the slot machine but the man was the one who pulled the lever. She hit the jackpot: 2 million euros which is about $3 million US. In France, there is no hard rule on who the winner is: the person who put in the money, or the person who pulled the switch. The judge decided that the jackpot would be split 80/20. The woman who put the money would get 80% and the man who pulled the switch would get the remaining 20.
Her first mistake was not leaving the country for an extended trip. She left the casino with her payout but her friend later sued. Three million dollars is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things, but it’s enough for me to get gone. Depending on who this friend was that was gambling with me, he would not have got nothing! Like I said three mil ain’t a whole lot to be giving away $600,000 to someone who just pulled the switch.
Doped Up Daycare
A group of Ohio parents has decided to sue their daycare after they found out the caregivers were doping up the children at nap time. One parent claimed that their infant child always seemed strangely groggy after she came home from the daycare, but since this was their first child, they weren’t sure if something was wrong. Caregivers at the daycare admitted that they repeatedly gave children melatonin-laced candy so they would go to sleep at naptime. The daycare currently serves about 40-50 children, but this does not include all the children that have come and gone. So far, two workers have been fired, and there is no word on how long this has been going on. It is alleged that children as young as two months were being drugged and sedated with unauthorized medication. Many children suffered from headaches, abdominal discomfort, nightmares and dizziness. Melatonin is a hormone made in the brain to help control sleep, but the manufactured drug is not FDA-approved or regulated.
You just cannot trust people these days. What are working parents supposed to do? The days of single-income families are over, so mommies and daddies have to work to feed their families. Unless you have one of those jobs that lets you bring your kid safely to work, you’re forced to leave your kid with someone you think you can trust. Doping up the children so they would go to sleep? That is insanity. What if one of the kids had a bad reaction and died or was seriously injured? Then some of the kids were so young, two and three months old, they would never be able to tell someone what is happening to them or if something was wrong. The sad thing is that the daycare is merely being sued; no criminal charges have been filed. This is just as bad as the daycare that accidentally gave the kids anti-freeze instead of kool-aid.
Dead in the Bed
North Carolina police have arrested several members of a family after a body was discovered in their home. Police received a mysterious phone call from someone in the home stating that there was an elderly woman in the home who was not breathing and unconscious. When police arrived, they discovered that the 88 year old woman had been dead for eight months. Neighbours report the family as very friendly, coming and going like regular people. There was even a young child who went to school everyday. Nobody had any idea that the grandmother had died last spring and that she was still in the house. It is more than likely that the woman died of natural causes, but police do not understand why the family did not report the death as required by law. There is also no record of any social security fraud, so there really is no reason to hide the woman’s deat.
Didn’t it smell? A dead body in the house for eight months has to produce some sort of stank that is not appealing. Then on top of that, there’s a kid in the house and he’s not having nightmares about grandma being laid out in the next room? Either there is some scandal beneath all this or they are practicing some Incan death culture rituals. The Incans did not bury their dead, but kept them around the house and talked to them as if they were still alive. In their culture, the dead had more power than the living.
Joke’s On You
An Australian teen has gotten what she deserves after she decided that it would be amusing to flash drivers from the side of the road. The girl’s drunken friends dared her to show off her breasts at drivers while she stood in the middle of a busy intersection. One of the drivers got so distracted that he swerved off the road and hit her. Luckily, it was because he was so distracted that he was going much slower than the speed limit. The girl suffered minor injuries after rolling up onto the hood and hitting the windshield. In addition to being hit by a car, she is also being fine for causing a distraction on a motorway.
What goes around comes around, moron.
Today’s Thought
A fool and his money are soon parted, but you never call him a fool till the money is gone. ~Anonymous
Today’s History
In 1903, Wilbur and Orville Wright conducted the first successful manpowered airplane flights.
In 1989, the TV series “The Simpsons” premiered on Fox.
Today’s News
Ooops, I Did It Again
The couple who crashed the White House state dinner wasn’t the first couple to randomly show up uninvited to an event. A nice Georgia couple accidentally showed up at the White House for a tour a day earlier than they were supposed to. They didn’t realize what was going on until a White House aide showed them into a room where a lavish buffet had been laid. The couple was surprised because they didn’t think breakfast was apart of the tour. The husband told the White House aide that he thought they might be in the wrong place, but the aide told them, “Just go with the flow.” The couple was properly screened and since they had already gone through background checks for the White House tour, they were allowed inside a buffet that was being held for veterans. White House spokespeople say it is not unusual for tour guests to be invited to other events if there is room and since the husband was indeed a veteran, there was no harm done. The couple got to have breakfast with President and Mrs. Obama.
I need them to get it together over there at the White House. Perhaps I’m a conspiracy theorist but how come the Secret Service is suddenly making all these mistakes? Has this ever happened before with previous presidents? Has the Secret Service allowed random people get into close proximity with the president before? Or is this something new? They need to get it together. Look what happened to Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi.
Message G-3
A California father figured that his cell phone bill would probably go up a little bit after he decided to add his 13 year old son to his plan. He did not expect the bill to be nearly $22,000. Apparently, the family’s cell phone plan did not include data service (like text messaging and internet), and the boy downloaded 1.4 million kilobytes over the span of a month. Because there was no data plan, they were charged by the megabyte. Verizon has agreed to credit the account for the entire amount and the father has also suspended the son’s phone.
I hope they get a data plan. I guess they haven’t heard of the unlimited everything plan. For some families the unlimited everything plans are expensive, but I’m sure it’s MUCH cheaper than $22,000. What if Verizon had said, “Oh well, sorry for your luck! Bill’s due tomorrow.”
It’s Mine! Not It’s Mine!
A judge in France has decided the argument between two gamblers has gone on long enough and has ruled that the jackpot be split. The argument started between two friends who gambled together. They were playing the slots at a casino when the woman put 50 euros into the slot machine but the man was the one who pulled the lever. She hit the jackpot: 2 million euros which is about $3 million US. In France, there is no hard rule on who the winner is: the person who put in the money, or the person who pulled the switch. The judge decided that the jackpot would be split 80/20. The woman who put the money would get 80% and the man who pulled the switch would get the remaining 20.
Her first mistake was not leaving the country for an extended trip. She left the casino with her payout but her friend later sued. Three million dollars is not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things, but it’s enough for me to get gone. Depending on who this friend was that was gambling with me, he would not have got nothing! Like I said three mil ain’t a whole lot to be giving away $600,000 to someone who just pulled the switch.
Doped Up Daycare
A group of Ohio parents has decided to sue their daycare after they found out the caregivers were doping up the children at nap time. One parent claimed that their infant child always seemed strangely groggy after she came home from the daycare, but since this was their first child, they weren’t sure if something was wrong. Caregivers at the daycare admitted that they repeatedly gave children melatonin-laced candy so they would go to sleep at naptime. The daycare currently serves about 40-50 children, but this does not include all the children that have come and gone. So far, two workers have been fired, and there is no word on how long this has been going on. It is alleged that children as young as two months were being drugged and sedated with unauthorized medication. Many children suffered from headaches, abdominal discomfort, nightmares and dizziness. Melatonin is a hormone made in the brain to help control sleep, but the manufactured drug is not FDA-approved or regulated.
You just cannot trust people these days. What are working parents supposed to do? The days of single-income families are over, so mommies and daddies have to work to feed their families. Unless you have one of those jobs that lets you bring your kid safely to work, you’re forced to leave your kid with someone you think you can trust. Doping up the children so they would go to sleep? That is insanity. What if one of the kids had a bad reaction and died or was seriously injured? Then some of the kids were so young, two and three months old, they would never be able to tell someone what is happening to them or if something was wrong. The sad thing is that the daycare is merely being sued; no criminal charges have been filed. This is just as bad as the daycare that accidentally gave the kids anti-freeze instead of kool-aid.
Dead in the Bed
North Carolina police have arrested several members of a family after a body was discovered in their home. Police received a mysterious phone call from someone in the home stating that there was an elderly woman in the home who was not breathing and unconscious. When police arrived, they discovered that the 88 year old woman had been dead for eight months. Neighbours report the family as very friendly, coming and going like regular people. There was even a young child who went to school everyday. Nobody had any idea that the grandmother had died last spring and that she was still in the house. It is more than likely that the woman died of natural causes, but police do not understand why the family did not report the death as required by law. There is also no record of any social security fraud, so there really is no reason to hide the woman’s deat.
Didn’t it smell? A dead body in the house for eight months has to produce some sort of stank that is not appealing. Then on top of that, there’s a kid in the house and he’s not having nightmares about grandma being laid out in the next room? Either there is some scandal beneath all this or they are practicing some Incan death culture rituals. The Incans did not bury their dead, but kept them around the house and talked to them as if they were still alive. In their culture, the dead had more power than the living.
Joke’s On You
An Australian teen has gotten what she deserves after she decided that it would be amusing to flash drivers from the side of the road. The girl’s drunken friends dared her to show off her breasts at drivers while she stood in the middle of a busy intersection. One of the drivers got so distracted that he swerved off the road and hit her. Luckily, it was because he was so distracted that he was going much slower than the speed limit. The girl suffered minor injuries after rolling up onto the hood and hitting the windshield. In addition to being hit by a car, she is also being fine for causing a distraction on a motorway.
What goes around comes around, moron.
Today’s Thought
A fool and his money are soon parted, but you never call him a fool till the money is gone. ~Anonymous
Senseless Scribbling of an Idiot #26: An Unextraordinary Woman
I have just discovered that I am a member of the League of Unextraordinary Women. I must say that it comes as a great shock because I had always rather thought I was an extraordinary woman, but apparently I was deluding myself.
I like to read through random blogs in the morning, and I was reading a girlfriend’s blog today on Unextraordinary Gentlemen (if they can even be described as such). It was just a simple list of useless men that can be found in the DC metro area. Having met several of these types of men, I found the article to be quite hilarious. As I was going through the comments, I came across someone else’s blog. This man, a Mr. Slim Jackson, had written about unextraordinary women. This is classic battle of the sexes, a game I almost never become involved. I see it as a complete waste of energy to even contemplate our widening difference because we’ll never see eye to eye. Indeed, we’ve been clashing since Adam and Eve. Eve, the nosy little tart, ruined everything by succumbing to the Serpent’s lies, but Adam, this unsuspecting, dimwitted moron, also fell into the trap. Whose fault is it? Who even knows? Who even cares?
So, these Unextraordinary Women are the Unhollerable Heffa, the Do Her Do Gooder, the Crippling Criticizer aka The Judge, the Prodigal Promiscuist, the Pseudo Celeb, the Leech Lady and the Gumby Gal AKA the Hypocritical Heffa. All of these women have rather disagreeable qualities including promiscuity, hater-ism, gold-diggerishness and hypercriticism, just to name a few. For the most part I quite agree with the man who wrote it. These women are the very scourge of society and make decent women the target of some poor abused man’s ire when he cannot decipher the difference between these Unextraordinary Women and a Phenomenal Woman.
I am the Unhollerable Heffa, I learned. According to the description:
“This woman lurks in the streets of NYC and other major urban areas throughout the United States. You may find her in Chicago, Boston, Los Angeles, Miami, and the list goes on. She’s also commonly found at colleges and universities as well as night clubs. She is the chick that always assumes everyone is tryin’ to holler at her and mean mugs her way through life in an effort to ward off those who could honestly give 2 sh*ts about her existence. Her appearance is usually smedium at best. This pseudo-villain often misconstrues friendliness with holler attempts. Her obvious weapon is her face, which also happens to be her tragic flaw.” -Slim Jackson
I do not understand what is wrong with this type of woman. I purposely walk the streets with an unfriendly expression. I don’t necessarily believe that everybody is trying to “holla” at me, to use such a classless and urban word, but I don’t want anybody to talk to me at all. I don’t want you to ask me the time, or say good morning. I don’t want to have a conversation in passing while we wait for the bus. It’s annoying and I’d rather be left to my own thoughts. If I’m unfriendly, well, that is my own business, is it not?
Another commenter said the same thing, “how does this type of woman hurt anybody?” Someone replied that no woman was above talking to someone.
Why not? What if I don’t want to talk to you? I have every right to look at you like scum of the earth. If you think I’m only smedium (another crass urban word), then so be it. Since I think so poorly of you that I wouldn’t even give you directions to hell, what do I care that you think I’m only a 6 on the “I’d Do Her Scale?” Do you understand your twisted logic?
Slim Jackson states this woman goes out of her way to ward off those “who honestly could give two shits about her existence,” but then he says this “pseudo-villain misconstrues friendliness with holler attempts.” Well, which is it, Mr. Slim Jackson? Do you not give two shits about my existence or are you trying to be friendly? If you don’t care about my existence, why are you trying to be friendly? If I’m so smedium why even bother speaking to me in the first place, or do you randomly speak to every woman you pass in the streets? While you’re at it, do you shout out a friendly good morning to the gay dude buying his morning coffee? What about the 6′4 refrigerator with a head in a black biker jacket with Brotherhood tattoos?
Or do you just want to be friendly to me because I’m some smedium woman minding her own damn business?
Okay, yeah, sure, some guys just want to be friendly, but I’ve found that if you give them an inch, they take a mile. If a random guy smiles at me and says, “Good morning,” and I return the greeting, then he thinks it’s okay to start up a conversation. No, I don’t want to talk; I was just trying to be polite so you won’t label me an Unhollerable Heffa. But if I give him the Look of Death and spit venom at him, then I am an Unhollerable Heffa. See how I just cannot win in this convoluted one-sided game?
Slim Jackson’s description that a large number of these women lurk in major cities and on college campuses throughout the United States is very accurate, but did he ever really take the time to understand precisely why there is such a large concentration in these areas? Well, look at the crime rates in the urban centers. Look at the rape statistics on college campuses. How can I know if you’re just some polite dude calling out the greeting of the day, or some lunatic stalking the streets?
Case in point, this past Saturday night I was leaving the club on K Street when some man tried to speak to me. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was trying to be friendly. Unfortunately, I’d rather you keep your friendly comments to yourself as I leave the club alone at 3 o’clock in the morning. Does that sound like a reasonable time to strike up a conversation with a woman on the streets? He said, “Why so mean-looking?” Because I’m out here by myself and I need to be vigilante in case you want to jump on me, not holla at me. He kept trying to walk towards me, so I crossed the street and he shouted at me, “Nobody wanted to talk to your ugly ass anyway, stank booty bitch. You ain’t even all that.” Or what about the moron I had to Mace at the ATM? I was trying to get money at an ATM when some jackass approached me. Since I had no idea what he was about, I Maced him and ran away. As I was fleeing down the street he screams, “I was just trying to be nice, you bitch.”
Perhaps Slim Jackson will argue the difference is that the women he’s categorised think everyone is trying to holla (my God, I hate that word) at her. They are not the same as the wary woman going about her business in a crime-infested city. I find this to be a rather disagreeable statement and a cover up for the truth. Slim Jackson is miffed that some smedium woman rebuffed him. How dare this 6.3 on the “I’d Do her Scale” look at me like I’m some perv. Is that it? Has your pride been dented just a little because a woman of passable looks wasn’t interested?
I noticed that in his diatribe on Unextraordinary Women, he had very little to say about very beautiful women, with the exception of the Pseudo Celeb. Most of his harranguing comments were directed at what he refers to as “marginal women.” If I may psychoanalyse, I wonder if this has to do with the fact that these marginal women are not often interested in him. Perhaps Mr. Slim Jackson is a very attractive man, but his personality and other traits are so lacking that even marginal women do not take the bait.
Why is it that guys think that women who are only mediums on the dime scale will just fall on their backs for any guy that winks at them? Why do they assume these women are desperate? Sure, nickles have to compete with the divas of the world, but some nickles are quite confident of themselves and very pleased with the way they are. Not every woman is insecure and suffering some sort of image malaise because she got skimped in the looks department. Guys seem to think that average girls are all hopelessly desperate, undersexed females clinging to their vibrators at night in the hopes that some Lothario will sweep them off their feet.
Average women have standards too, and if she doesn’t want to speak to you, then she doesn’t have to. Perhaps she thinks you’re only smedium.
I like to read through random blogs in the morning, and I was reading a girlfriend’s blog today on Unextraordinary Gentlemen (if they can even be described as such). It was just a simple list of useless men that can be found in the DC metro area. Having met several of these types of men, I found the article to be quite hilarious. As I was going through the comments, I came across someone else’s blog. This man, a Mr. Slim Jackson, had written about unextraordinary women. This is classic battle of the sexes, a game I almost never become involved. I see it as a complete waste of energy to even contemplate our widening difference because we’ll never see eye to eye. Indeed, we’ve been clashing since Adam and Eve. Eve, the nosy little tart, ruined everything by succumbing to the Serpent’s lies, but Adam, this unsuspecting, dimwitted moron, also fell into the trap. Whose fault is it? Who even knows? Who even cares?
So, these Unextraordinary Women are the Unhollerable Heffa, the Do Her Do Gooder, the Crippling Criticizer aka The Judge, the Prodigal Promiscuist, the Pseudo Celeb, the Leech Lady and the Gumby Gal AKA the Hypocritical Heffa. All of these women have rather disagreeable qualities including promiscuity, hater-ism, gold-diggerishness and hypercriticism, just to name a few. For the most part I quite agree with the man who wrote it. These women are the very scourge of society and make decent women the target of some poor abused man’s ire when he cannot decipher the difference between these Unextraordinary Women and a Phenomenal Woman.
I am the Unhollerable Heffa, I learned. According to the description:
“This woman lurks in the streets of NYC and other major urban areas throughout the United States. You may find her in Chicago, Boston, Los Angeles, Miami, and the list goes on. She’s also commonly found at colleges and universities as well as night clubs. She is the chick that always assumes everyone is tryin’ to holler at her and mean mugs her way through life in an effort to ward off those who could honestly give 2 sh*ts about her existence. Her appearance is usually smedium at best. This pseudo-villain often misconstrues friendliness with holler attempts. Her obvious weapon is her face, which also happens to be her tragic flaw.” -Slim Jackson
I do not understand what is wrong with this type of woman. I purposely walk the streets with an unfriendly expression. I don’t necessarily believe that everybody is trying to “holla” at me, to use such a classless and urban word, but I don’t want anybody to talk to me at all. I don’t want you to ask me the time, or say good morning. I don’t want to have a conversation in passing while we wait for the bus. It’s annoying and I’d rather be left to my own thoughts. If I’m unfriendly, well, that is my own business, is it not?
Another commenter said the same thing, “how does this type of woman hurt anybody?” Someone replied that no woman was above talking to someone.
Why not? What if I don’t want to talk to you? I have every right to look at you like scum of the earth. If you think I’m only smedium (another crass urban word), then so be it. Since I think so poorly of you that I wouldn’t even give you directions to hell, what do I care that you think I’m only a 6 on the “I’d Do Her Scale?” Do you understand your twisted logic?
Slim Jackson states this woman goes out of her way to ward off those “who honestly could give two shits about her existence,” but then he says this “pseudo-villain misconstrues friendliness with holler attempts.” Well, which is it, Mr. Slim Jackson? Do you not give two shits about my existence or are you trying to be friendly? If you don’t care about my existence, why are you trying to be friendly? If I’m so smedium why even bother speaking to me in the first place, or do you randomly speak to every woman you pass in the streets? While you’re at it, do you shout out a friendly good morning to the gay dude buying his morning coffee? What about the 6′4 refrigerator with a head in a black biker jacket with Brotherhood tattoos?
Or do you just want to be friendly to me because I’m some smedium woman minding her own damn business?
Okay, yeah, sure, some guys just want to be friendly, but I’ve found that if you give them an inch, they take a mile. If a random guy smiles at me and says, “Good morning,” and I return the greeting, then he thinks it’s okay to start up a conversation. No, I don’t want to talk; I was just trying to be polite so you won’t label me an Unhollerable Heffa. But if I give him the Look of Death and spit venom at him, then I am an Unhollerable Heffa. See how I just cannot win in this convoluted one-sided game?
Slim Jackson’s description that a large number of these women lurk in major cities and on college campuses throughout the United States is very accurate, but did he ever really take the time to understand precisely why there is such a large concentration in these areas? Well, look at the crime rates in the urban centers. Look at the rape statistics on college campuses. How can I know if you’re just some polite dude calling out the greeting of the day, or some lunatic stalking the streets?
Case in point, this past Saturday night I was leaving the club on K Street when some man tried to speak to me. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was trying to be friendly. Unfortunately, I’d rather you keep your friendly comments to yourself as I leave the club alone at 3 o’clock in the morning. Does that sound like a reasonable time to strike up a conversation with a woman on the streets? He said, “Why so mean-looking?” Because I’m out here by myself and I need to be vigilante in case you want to jump on me, not holla at me. He kept trying to walk towards me, so I crossed the street and he shouted at me, “Nobody wanted to talk to your ugly ass anyway, stank booty bitch. You ain’t even all that.” Or what about the moron I had to Mace at the ATM? I was trying to get money at an ATM when some jackass approached me. Since I had no idea what he was about, I Maced him and ran away. As I was fleeing down the street he screams, “I was just trying to be nice, you bitch.”
Perhaps Slim Jackson will argue the difference is that the women he’s categorised think everyone is trying to holla (my God, I hate that word) at her. They are not the same as the wary woman going about her business in a crime-infested city. I find this to be a rather disagreeable statement and a cover up for the truth. Slim Jackson is miffed that some smedium woman rebuffed him. How dare this 6.3 on the “I’d Do her Scale” look at me like I’m some perv. Is that it? Has your pride been dented just a little because a woman of passable looks wasn’t interested?
I noticed that in his diatribe on Unextraordinary Women, he had very little to say about very beautiful women, with the exception of the Pseudo Celeb. Most of his harranguing comments were directed at what he refers to as “marginal women.” If I may psychoanalyse, I wonder if this has to do with the fact that these marginal women are not often interested in him. Perhaps Mr. Slim Jackson is a very attractive man, but his personality and other traits are so lacking that even marginal women do not take the bait.
Why is it that guys think that women who are only mediums on the dime scale will just fall on their backs for any guy that winks at them? Why do they assume these women are desperate? Sure, nickles have to compete with the divas of the world, but some nickles are quite confident of themselves and very pleased with the way they are. Not every woman is insecure and suffering some sort of image malaise because she got skimped in the looks department. Guys seem to think that average girls are all hopelessly desperate, undersexed females clinging to their vibrators at night in the hopes that some Lothario will sweep them off their feet.
Average women have standards too, and if she doesn’t want to speak to you, then she doesn’t have to. Perhaps she thinks you’re only smedium.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Daily News December 15
Today is Tuesday, December 15, 2009. It is the 349th day of the year with 16 to go.
Today’s History
In 1791, the Bill of Rights went into effect following ratification by Virignia.
In 1939, the movie Gone With the Wind premiered in Atlanta.
Today’s News
Dead by Debt
A Florida woman is suing her mortgage company for the wrongful death of her husband. The woman claims they received so many harassing phone calls that the stress caused her husband to have a heart attack and die. Bill collectors sometimes called their home up to ten times a day, and they also called their neighbours. The family fell behind on their payments after the husband had a heart attack in 2002. He was airlifted to a hospital after a second heart attack. While he was on disability, the family missed three payments. Shortly after the second heart attack the family received this phone call from the mortgage company: “Get your act together and make your payments on your mortgage and quit playing these games. Why don’t you have that helicopter pick you up and bring that payment to the office?” The man’s heart failed shortly thereafter and he died. The company doesn’t particularly address the number of phone calls or the content of the phone calls, but they are insistent that his death doesn’t have anything to do with the calls. The FTC regulates debt collection but there are not enough investigators to go around, only the worst incidents are investigated. Here are other phone calls people have received:
“You’re a piece of shit. That’s why you turned your phone off. Mother fucker. But that’s okay.”
“When I see you, I’m gonna fuck you up. I want my money and I want it now. I hate people who lie to me and abuse my company. If you bring my money back, you don’t have to worry about me, just disregard my message.”
Whoa. As a former debt collector, I know exactly what goes on. I worked for a certain very large bank, collecting on late stage mortgage payments, people who were at least three or four months behind about to get foreclosed on. Naturally, we went through classes on what we were allowed to say and what we couldn’t. No, you can threaten bodily harm or use foul language, but we were trained to be heartless. We were not supposed to care if there was death, dismemberment, plague, disease, or whatever, anything to get that money without crossing that very thin grey line. We had a list of things we could say to help people raise money to get their mortgage payment in. Calls are monitored, not for quality like they tell you on that little automated thing, but to make sure we are doing everything in our power to get money. I called these people who were four months behind. After the mother and daughter screamed at me on the phone calling me all kinds of whore and bitch, the daughter (who was about 14) told me why they couldn’t pay. They were in a boating accident on their first family vacation ever. The accident paralysed the father from the waist down, put the six year old son in an eternal coma, and drowned the other son. After listening to some child cry on the phone and tell me that neither of her parents could work, that they didn’t have medical insurance and that she had to get food out their neighbours’ trash when they weren’t looking, I just politely said, “Make the payments when you can,” and hung up. My supervisor called me in her office and said, “You should have told her that while she was out there digging in the trash, she could find some cans. Collect enough cans and you’ll make that mortgage payment.” I left work that night and never went back.
Know the rules:
They cannot call you before 8AM or after 9PM, unless you agree. They also cannot call you at work after you tell them you’re not allowed to receive phone calls at work. They can only make contact once a day. Once they speak to you and establish you as the person they’re looking for, they can’t call back. But if you don’t say your name or acknowledge the phone call, they can keep calling.
Even if you owe the money, and you know it, you can tell the collector to stop contacting you. You must do it in writing; however, they will not tell you anything anymore, such as if they are suing you or repossessing a certain item.
If you have an attorney, they can only call the attorney. They can call your friends and family to find out where you are, but they are only allowed to call once. Once they make contact, that’s it.
Kiss My Grits!
A Louisiana woman has been charged with second degree battery after she poured a pot of hot boiling grits on her boyfriend. After arguing all evening, he told her that he was breaking up with her, then he went to bed. While he slept, the woman went into the kitchen and put a pot of grits on. She waited until they were good and hot before pouring it over his face and arms, causing second degree burns.
Uhm… sorry for your luck.
Ecstasy Aficionado
A man from Amsterdam has reported to police that his collection of Ecstasy pills had been stolen. He had been collecting the pills of various colours and shapes for more than 20 years. He stored them like coin collectors store their collectibles, and he said that he was fascinated by the colours and logos, but he is not a dealer or a user. Approximately 2400 pills were stolen during a break-in. The man said the only reason he reported the incident was that some of the pills were poisoned and if someone took the drugs they might be lethal. The police said even if they do recover the collection, the man will not be getting it back, and they don’t know if they are going to charge him with a crime.
Uhm, yeah, who collects pills? Well, I guess I shouldn’t ask that because people collect all kinds of weird things, but Ecstasy pills, and you’re not a user? Yeah, I highly doubt that. How did you know they were poisoned?
Food Fight
A Florida woman is being charged with assault after she slapped her boyfriend in the head with a piece of raw steak. They were apparently fighting over a slice of bread. He asked for a bread roll and she gave him a bread slice. When he got upset and refused to eat the bread slice, the woman began to repeatedly beat him in the face with the piece of steak. Apparently, the boyfriend is somehow disabled and the woman hit him “so he could learn.”
Sometimes when I read this stuff I don’t even believe it. I do get my news from reputable sources like MSNBC or CNN, but still, some of this is too ridiculous to be believed. A bread slice? A bread roll? Steak? Seriously? I mean, seriously.
Pilfered Pee
Authorities in Utah are looking for the culprits who broke into a health office and stole 17 samples of urine. The urine, which was stored in little plastic cups, was part of a drug test for a substance abuse programme. Nothing else but the piss was stolen.
Well, that’s one way of trying to beat a drug test.
Racism: It’s What’s For Dinner
Italian residents in Verona are in an uproar after a nativity scene featuring a black Jesus and black Mary was unveiled. The city is having serious issues with illegal immigrants coming from Africa and Eastern Europe, many of whom are dark skinned. The nativity scene appeared at the same time as an anti-immigrant operation called “White Christmas” began. The operation is meant to find illegal foreigners and kick them out of the city by Christmas day. The man who created the nativity scene, an Italian, stated that he believes that Jesus and Mary were probably rather dark skinned. Some people were mad that the nativity was black and some people were mad that there was even a nativity at all because they didn’t want to offend the Muslims living in the area. The designer said the point was not to have a black Christmas or a white Christmas, but to have a merry Christmas.
Oh, Lord, here we go with this nonsense. I thought I was going to make it through 2009 without hearing anything about the black Jesus debate. Sixteen days before 2010, and I just couldn’t make it. Well, at least it’s in Italy and not in the US this time. Christians argue all the time whether he was white or black, nappy-headed or blonde, and this is precisely the reason why depictions of religious icons are forbidden in Islam because there is no way we can have any idea what Jesus, Adam, Noah or any of them looked like. Despite some description in the Holy Scriptures, there isn’t enough to go on, and without a digital 10.1 megapixel picture attached to the Dead Sea scrolls, we’ll never know, so our speculation is not relevant.
Today’s Thought
Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills. ~Minna Antrim
Today’s History
In 1791, the Bill of Rights went into effect following ratification by Virignia.
In 1939, the movie Gone With the Wind premiered in Atlanta.
Today’s News
Dead by Debt
A Florida woman is suing her mortgage company for the wrongful death of her husband. The woman claims they received so many harassing phone calls that the stress caused her husband to have a heart attack and die. Bill collectors sometimes called their home up to ten times a day, and they also called their neighbours. The family fell behind on their payments after the husband had a heart attack in 2002. He was airlifted to a hospital after a second heart attack. While he was on disability, the family missed three payments. Shortly after the second heart attack the family received this phone call from the mortgage company: “Get your act together and make your payments on your mortgage and quit playing these games. Why don’t you have that helicopter pick you up and bring that payment to the office?” The man’s heart failed shortly thereafter and he died. The company doesn’t particularly address the number of phone calls or the content of the phone calls, but they are insistent that his death doesn’t have anything to do with the calls. The FTC regulates debt collection but there are not enough investigators to go around, only the worst incidents are investigated. Here are other phone calls people have received:
“You’re a piece of shit. That’s why you turned your phone off. Mother fucker. But that’s okay.”
“When I see you, I’m gonna fuck you up. I want my money and I want it now. I hate people who lie to me and abuse my company. If you bring my money back, you don’t have to worry about me, just disregard my message.”
Whoa. As a former debt collector, I know exactly what goes on. I worked for a certain very large bank, collecting on late stage mortgage payments, people who were at least three or four months behind about to get foreclosed on. Naturally, we went through classes on what we were allowed to say and what we couldn’t. No, you can threaten bodily harm or use foul language, but we were trained to be heartless. We were not supposed to care if there was death, dismemberment, plague, disease, or whatever, anything to get that money without crossing that very thin grey line. We had a list of things we could say to help people raise money to get their mortgage payment in. Calls are monitored, not for quality like they tell you on that little automated thing, but to make sure we are doing everything in our power to get money. I called these people who were four months behind. After the mother and daughter screamed at me on the phone calling me all kinds of whore and bitch, the daughter (who was about 14) told me why they couldn’t pay. They were in a boating accident on their first family vacation ever. The accident paralysed the father from the waist down, put the six year old son in an eternal coma, and drowned the other son. After listening to some child cry on the phone and tell me that neither of her parents could work, that they didn’t have medical insurance and that she had to get food out their neighbours’ trash when they weren’t looking, I just politely said, “Make the payments when you can,” and hung up. My supervisor called me in her office and said, “You should have told her that while she was out there digging in the trash, she could find some cans. Collect enough cans and you’ll make that mortgage payment.” I left work that night and never went back.
Know the rules:
They cannot call you before 8AM or after 9PM, unless you agree. They also cannot call you at work after you tell them you’re not allowed to receive phone calls at work. They can only make contact once a day. Once they speak to you and establish you as the person they’re looking for, they can’t call back. But if you don’t say your name or acknowledge the phone call, they can keep calling.
Even if you owe the money, and you know it, you can tell the collector to stop contacting you. You must do it in writing; however, they will not tell you anything anymore, such as if they are suing you or repossessing a certain item.
If you have an attorney, they can only call the attorney. They can call your friends and family to find out where you are, but they are only allowed to call once. Once they make contact, that’s it.
Kiss My Grits!
A Louisiana woman has been charged with second degree battery after she poured a pot of hot boiling grits on her boyfriend. After arguing all evening, he told her that he was breaking up with her, then he went to bed. While he slept, the woman went into the kitchen and put a pot of grits on. She waited until they were good and hot before pouring it over his face and arms, causing second degree burns.
Uhm… sorry for your luck.
Ecstasy Aficionado
A man from Amsterdam has reported to police that his collection of Ecstasy pills had been stolen. He had been collecting the pills of various colours and shapes for more than 20 years. He stored them like coin collectors store their collectibles, and he said that he was fascinated by the colours and logos, but he is not a dealer or a user. Approximately 2400 pills were stolen during a break-in. The man said the only reason he reported the incident was that some of the pills were poisoned and if someone took the drugs they might be lethal. The police said even if they do recover the collection, the man will not be getting it back, and they don’t know if they are going to charge him with a crime.
Uhm, yeah, who collects pills? Well, I guess I shouldn’t ask that because people collect all kinds of weird things, but Ecstasy pills, and you’re not a user? Yeah, I highly doubt that. How did you know they were poisoned?
Food Fight
A Florida woman is being charged with assault after she slapped her boyfriend in the head with a piece of raw steak. They were apparently fighting over a slice of bread. He asked for a bread roll and she gave him a bread slice. When he got upset and refused to eat the bread slice, the woman began to repeatedly beat him in the face with the piece of steak. Apparently, the boyfriend is somehow disabled and the woman hit him “so he could learn.”
Sometimes when I read this stuff I don’t even believe it. I do get my news from reputable sources like MSNBC or CNN, but still, some of this is too ridiculous to be believed. A bread slice? A bread roll? Steak? Seriously? I mean, seriously.
Pilfered Pee
Authorities in Utah are looking for the culprits who broke into a health office and stole 17 samples of urine. The urine, which was stored in little plastic cups, was part of a drug test for a substance abuse programme. Nothing else but the piss was stolen.
Well, that’s one way of trying to beat a drug test.
Racism: It’s What’s For Dinner
Italian residents in Verona are in an uproar after a nativity scene featuring a black Jesus and black Mary was unveiled. The city is having serious issues with illegal immigrants coming from Africa and Eastern Europe, many of whom are dark skinned. The nativity scene appeared at the same time as an anti-immigrant operation called “White Christmas” began. The operation is meant to find illegal foreigners and kick them out of the city by Christmas day. The man who created the nativity scene, an Italian, stated that he believes that Jesus and Mary were probably rather dark skinned. Some people were mad that the nativity was black and some people were mad that there was even a nativity at all because they didn’t want to offend the Muslims living in the area. The designer said the point was not to have a black Christmas or a white Christmas, but to have a merry Christmas.
Oh, Lord, here we go with this nonsense. I thought I was going to make it through 2009 without hearing anything about the black Jesus debate. Sixteen days before 2010, and I just couldn’t make it. Well, at least it’s in Italy and not in the US this time. Christians argue all the time whether he was white or black, nappy-headed or blonde, and this is precisely the reason why depictions of religious icons are forbidden in Islam because there is no way we can have any idea what Jesus, Adam, Noah or any of them looked like. Despite some description in the Holy Scriptures, there isn’t enough to go on, and without a digital 10.1 megapixel picture attached to the Dead Sea scrolls, we’ll never know, so our speculation is not relevant.
Today’s Thought
Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills. ~Minna Antrim
Monday, December 14, 2009
The Afronista Rants #4: Why Hip Hop Is Dead To Me
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Monday, December 7, 2009
Cubicle Death #8: Let's Go Green, But Not Really Only a Little Bit
As my readers well know, I could really give a shit about the environment. I’m not really one of those tree hugger type people that goes around marching on government offices because of their wanton wastefulness. It’s too tiring and I really don’t care about something that doesn’t necessarily affect my life.
Now, I know all you PETA vegans are about to shit yourselves, but no, the shitty environment doesn’t affect me. It might affect my children and my children’s children, but global warming and crop failure in Africa is not really my problem. Since I don’t own a farm, why should I care about the depletion of the ozone layer that isn’t going to happen in my lifetime? If the ozone was going to fail in the next fifteen minutes I might work up a little more sympathy for the subject, but I’m sorry about deforestation and native beasts being driven from their homeland. Since I’m not a logger or a zoo keeper, I just don’t care.
But I do care about blatant waste. Wasting just to be wasting, you know. It’s one thing to be quite apathetic to what’s going on around me, but it’s another to just flagrantly be a shitbag for no reason.
I work in an office. Where I work, what I do, what kind of office–all of that is completely irrelevant. This is the standard office that you’ll find anywhere in Urban America. We’re paper pushers over here. Everything is paper, paper, paper, everywhere, goddamn paper.
So, once upon a time, a long time ago, we had to do everything by hand. People had really nice penmanship and writing, actual writing was an art form. Then some guy invented the typewriter (yeah, were other inventions but we’re cutting to the chase), and once the typewriter was invented, it was really cool because all that crap we had to write by hand could be typed out in just a few minutes.
Then along came the computer and that was really cool. Computers do all kinds of amazing things that supposedly make our lives better and it’s like whoa, I love computers. Where would we be without these things?
But do you ever notice that all the crap we invented to make our lives better really only made our lives worse? When we handwrote everything, we were very careful to write shit out perfectly the first time because nobody felt like writing that crap out again. But the typewriter made it so much faster, and now we’re typing all this shit and somebody said, “Hey we should SAVE all of it and make FILES!”
Let’s have files. Yay!
The computer made even more FILES. Now we have STACKS OF PAPER FILLING UP DRAWERS all across America. Stacks and stacks of paper in drawers, boxes, closets, warehouses, all over the fucking place, because somebody thought it was a good idea to maintain everything on goddamn paper, even though the COMPUTER has been invented and it can STORE all kinds of SHIT without taking up SPACE.
Did you get the memo?
THE PAPER MEMO THAT IS SITTING IN A BOX SOMEWHERE!?!?!?
This is two-thousand-fucking-nine, about to be two-thousand-goddamn-ten. This is a new millennium, some shit like who even thought that time could get this far. I’m sure all the ancient Israelites are looking down from above just in awe of the technological wonders we have created. All this bullshit that we don’t utilise to its fullest capacity.
I got into a rant with a co-worker today because the wanton wastefulness gets on my nerves. I like computers because they are simple. It isn’t a whole bunch of shit all over the place. I was asked to write a report. Sure, no problem, where shall I get the information for the report?
Oh, you get it from this other report.
Where is this other report?
It’s online.
Why am I writing a report on a report that’s online?
Because we need a hard copy of the report.
You want a PIECE OF PAPER on a report of a report? What are you going to do with the report of the other report?
File it for future use.
File it? So I take it you might need the report for the future, so why don’t you just go online in the future and look at the information you need when you need it?
Because our job duties say we have to write a report.
Do you see how silly this is? Why did we invent all this shit if we’re not going to use it as it was meant to be used? Why do you need a report of a report that is available online? Why do you need a piece of paper to stick in a file cabinet? Does that make you feel safe? Do you sleep better at night because of it? I need to understand because I’m confused.
My next bitch is the powerpoint presentation. Anybody that has worked in an office has done a powerpoint presentation.
What are powerpoint presentations for? So you can give a presentation and make it look all fun and cool, with graphics and animation and stuff like that. Oh, so fun to look at.
Why are you PRINTING copies of the powerpoint presentation? That defeats the purpose of a powerpoint presentation! On a piece of paper you cannot see fun moving graphics and sparkling letters that look like Vegas lights, because it’s a GODDAMN PIECE OF PAPER!
Am I the only one who sees this? I’m not even a goddamn environmentalist and even I see the stupidity and wastefulness of this.
I was asked to begin work on a 75-slide powerpoint presentation on some bullshit that is irrelevant. When I went to the meeting with the guy who wanted the work done, it was suggested that we have moving graphics to indicate some of our answers. That sounds cool.
He said, “But you won’t be able to see that on paper.”
Well, no shit, I’m glad you came to that astonishing conclusion. It’s a powerpoint presentation, not a book report.
I’m really bitchy because a lot of companies and organisations are jumping on this, “Let’s go green” bandwagon but it’s like they are totally missing the point. This is supposed to be like save the earth, save the resources, all that bullshit, the trees are dying, farmland drying up, blah blah blah, save some water for the fish. Whateves.
They are having all these conferences on ways to reduce emissions and all this other stuff, and while I think those things are important, they are missing for the forest for the trees. We invented computers to make our lives easier and faster and less complicated. We need to use these shits for what they are. This is the way of the future.
I’m so outdated that I didn’t even know they had hard drives sold in TERABYTES. That can store BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of pieces of paper that would otherwise be sitting in a fucking box somewhere causing a fire hazard. That’s a trillion powerpoint presentations. Probably more than that, because I’m just guessing. Seriously, if we reduced the amount of fucking paper we waste that would probably save the earth right there.
At my old job my boss wanted me to PRINT all his fucking emails. Then he would throw them away. That should be illegal. He would have me print out these huge powerpoint presentations so his customers would have something to hold in their hands. HUNDREDS of pages just thrown away after the presentation was over. It was time-consuming and stupid to print out all that damn mess, collate the shit, and staple it.
I could have been doing a thousand other things like getting his goddamn lunch, or making sure his dog was walked, but no, I’m standing at the copier waiting on three thousand pages to come out the machine. That should be illegal! It’s so ridiculous I can’t even believe I’m talking about it.
I told my co-worker that it all comes down to age. The baby boomers need to die. They are the only ones who are stuck in the past. They don’t like email. They don’t like computers. They don’t like this. They don’t like that.
So retire already. Retire and die. So the rest of us can move smoothly into the future and take care of all the bullshit that you created. Baby boomers created the computer. YOU DID! You created some shit you don’t even like to use. That you don’t even use properly. Young people have taken this thing and run with it because we think outside of the box; we’re innovative. We like things fast, quick and in a hurry. Dragging around a briefcase FULL OF SHIT is not what we’re interested in.
These outdated mechanisms that baby boomers cling to because they think it’s “how things should be done” is holding up progress and making a bigger mess of the situation. Put the fucking paper down and walk away. You’re the reason we still have newspapers littering up people’s front drives because NOBODY READS THE GODDAMN NEWSPAPER ANYMOR BECAUSE IT’S AVAILABLE ONLINE. Paperless! No shit piling up in the corner, leaving you wondering, “what the fuck am I going to do with that now?”
Grandma with her checkbook holding up the line at Wal-Mart. Grandpa who still gets every single one of his bills in the mail is the reason the postal system is failing. I could go on and on, but I won’t because I’m getting irritated just writing this.
Look, if you want to go green, go fucking green. I don’t give a damn. But if you’re only going to do it half-assed, then just stop it. Stop with the goddamn commercials about how you’re trying to save the earth, because you’re not. Stop pretending like you care about the rainforests, the koala bears in their natural habitats and the native tribes of the Swami River, because you don’t.
Stop holding gay ass summits in foreign countries to talk about things you don’t really give a damn about. Because if you cared, you would fix the easy shit. Stop creating copy machines that print out a gazillion pieces of paper a minute. Stop mailing shit that doesn’t need to be mailed. Stop printing stuff that doesn’t need to be printed.
It’s 2009, almost 2010. Everybody has a computer and who ever doesn’t own one should just die because these shits are not going away. No matter how much you hate them, they are not leaving. They are only going to get bigger and faster and more embroiled in your life, like a parasite that fixes itself to your spinal cord and won’t let go. So you might as well assimilate because resistance is futile.
I don’t give a damn about the earth. I don’t recycle. I don’t separate my plastics and cardboards. If I owned an SUV, I would fill that bitch up every five minutes. I leave the lights on when nobody is home.
If you want assholes like me to comply, then make it hard for us. Until then, you’re just wasting our time.
Now, I know all you PETA vegans are about to shit yourselves, but no, the shitty environment doesn’t affect me. It might affect my children and my children’s children, but global warming and crop failure in Africa is not really my problem. Since I don’t own a farm, why should I care about the depletion of the ozone layer that isn’t going to happen in my lifetime? If the ozone was going to fail in the next fifteen minutes I might work up a little more sympathy for the subject, but I’m sorry about deforestation and native beasts being driven from their homeland. Since I’m not a logger or a zoo keeper, I just don’t care.
But I do care about blatant waste. Wasting just to be wasting, you know. It’s one thing to be quite apathetic to what’s going on around me, but it’s another to just flagrantly be a shitbag for no reason.
I work in an office. Where I work, what I do, what kind of office–all of that is completely irrelevant. This is the standard office that you’ll find anywhere in Urban America. We’re paper pushers over here. Everything is paper, paper, paper, everywhere, goddamn paper.
So, once upon a time, a long time ago, we had to do everything by hand. People had really nice penmanship and writing, actual writing was an art form. Then some guy invented the typewriter (yeah, were other inventions but we’re cutting to the chase), and once the typewriter was invented, it was really cool because all that crap we had to write by hand could be typed out in just a few minutes.
Then along came the computer and that was really cool. Computers do all kinds of amazing things that supposedly make our lives better and it’s like whoa, I love computers. Where would we be without these things?
But do you ever notice that all the crap we invented to make our lives better really only made our lives worse? When we handwrote everything, we were very careful to write shit out perfectly the first time because nobody felt like writing that crap out again. But the typewriter made it so much faster, and now we’re typing all this shit and somebody said, “Hey we should SAVE all of it and make FILES!”
Let’s have files. Yay!
The computer made even more FILES. Now we have STACKS OF PAPER FILLING UP DRAWERS all across America. Stacks and stacks of paper in drawers, boxes, closets, warehouses, all over the fucking place, because somebody thought it was a good idea to maintain everything on goddamn paper, even though the COMPUTER has been invented and it can STORE all kinds of SHIT without taking up SPACE.
Did you get the memo?
THE PAPER MEMO THAT IS SITTING IN A BOX SOMEWHERE!?!?!?
This is two-thousand-fucking-nine, about to be two-thousand-goddamn-ten. This is a new millennium, some shit like who even thought that time could get this far. I’m sure all the ancient Israelites are looking down from above just in awe of the technological wonders we have created. All this bullshit that we don’t utilise to its fullest capacity.
I got into a rant with a co-worker today because the wanton wastefulness gets on my nerves. I like computers because they are simple. It isn’t a whole bunch of shit all over the place. I was asked to write a report. Sure, no problem, where shall I get the information for the report?
Oh, you get it from this other report.
Where is this other report?
It’s online.
Why am I writing a report on a report that’s online?
Because we need a hard copy of the report.
You want a PIECE OF PAPER on a report of a report? What are you going to do with the report of the other report?
File it for future use.
File it? So I take it you might need the report for the future, so why don’t you just go online in the future and look at the information you need when you need it?
Because our job duties say we have to write a report.
Do you see how silly this is? Why did we invent all this shit if we’re not going to use it as it was meant to be used? Why do you need a report of a report that is available online? Why do you need a piece of paper to stick in a file cabinet? Does that make you feel safe? Do you sleep better at night because of it? I need to understand because I’m confused.
My next bitch is the powerpoint presentation. Anybody that has worked in an office has done a powerpoint presentation.
What are powerpoint presentations for? So you can give a presentation and make it look all fun and cool, with graphics and animation and stuff like that. Oh, so fun to look at.
Why are you PRINTING copies of the powerpoint presentation? That defeats the purpose of a powerpoint presentation! On a piece of paper you cannot see fun moving graphics and sparkling letters that look like Vegas lights, because it’s a GODDAMN PIECE OF PAPER!
Am I the only one who sees this? I’m not even a goddamn environmentalist and even I see the stupidity and wastefulness of this.
I was asked to begin work on a 75-slide powerpoint presentation on some bullshit that is irrelevant. When I went to the meeting with the guy who wanted the work done, it was suggested that we have moving graphics to indicate some of our answers. That sounds cool.
He said, “But you won’t be able to see that on paper.”
Well, no shit, I’m glad you came to that astonishing conclusion. It’s a powerpoint presentation, not a book report.
I’m really bitchy because a lot of companies and organisations are jumping on this, “Let’s go green” bandwagon but it’s like they are totally missing the point. This is supposed to be like save the earth, save the resources, all that bullshit, the trees are dying, farmland drying up, blah blah blah, save some water for the fish. Whateves.
They are having all these conferences on ways to reduce emissions and all this other stuff, and while I think those things are important, they are missing for the forest for the trees. We invented computers to make our lives easier and faster and less complicated. We need to use these shits for what they are. This is the way of the future.
I’m so outdated that I didn’t even know they had hard drives sold in TERABYTES. That can store BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of pieces of paper that would otherwise be sitting in a fucking box somewhere causing a fire hazard. That’s a trillion powerpoint presentations. Probably more than that, because I’m just guessing. Seriously, if we reduced the amount of fucking paper we waste that would probably save the earth right there.
At my old job my boss wanted me to PRINT all his fucking emails. Then he would throw them away. That should be illegal. He would have me print out these huge powerpoint presentations so his customers would have something to hold in their hands. HUNDREDS of pages just thrown away after the presentation was over. It was time-consuming and stupid to print out all that damn mess, collate the shit, and staple it.
I could have been doing a thousand other things like getting his goddamn lunch, or making sure his dog was walked, but no, I’m standing at the copier waiting on three thousand pages to come out the machine. That should be illegal! It’s so ridiculous I can’t even believe I’m talking about it.
I told my co-worker that it all comes down to age. The baby boomers need to die. They are the only ones who are stuck in the past. They don’t like email. They don’t like computers. They don’t like this. They don’t like that.
So retire already. Retire and die. So the rest of us can move smoothly into the future and take care of all the bullshit that you created. Baby boomers created the computer. YOU DID! You created some shit you don’t even like to use. That you don’t even use properly. Young people have taken this thing and run with it because we think outside of the box; we’re innovative. We like things fast, quick and in a hurry. Dragging around a briefcase FULL OF SHIT is not what we’re interested in.
These outdated mechanisms that baby boomers cling to because they think it’s “how things should be done” is holding up progress and making a bigger mess of the situation. Put the fucking paper down and walk away. You’re the reason we still have newspapers littering up people’s front drives because NOBODY READS THE GODDAMN NEWSPAPER ANYMOR BECAUSE IT’S AVAILABLE ONLINE. Paperless! No shit piling up in the corner, leaving you wondering, “what the fuck am I going to do with that now?”
Grandma with her checkbook holding up the line at Wal-Mart. Grandpa who still gets every single one of his bills in the mail is the reason the postal system is failing. I could go on and on, but I won’t because I’m getting irritated just writing this.
Look, if you want to go green, go fucking green. I don’t give a damn. But if you’re only going to do it half-assed, then just stop it. Stop with the goddamn commercials about how you’re trying to save the earth, because you’re not. Stop pretending like you care about the rainforests, the koala bears in their natural habitats and the native tribes of the Swami River, because you don’t.
Stop holding gay ass summits in foreign countries to talk about things you don’t really give a damn about. Because if you cared, you would fix the easy shit. Stop creating copy machines that print out a gazillion pieces of paper a minute. Stop mailing shit that doesn’t need to be mailed. Stop printing stuff that doesn’t need to be printed.
It’s 2009, almost 2010. Everybody has a computer and who ever doesn’t own one should just die because these shits are not going away. No matter how much you hate them, they are not leaving. They are only going to get bigger and faster and more embroiled in your life, like a parasite that fixes itself to your spinal cord and won’t let go. So you might as well assimilate because resistance is futile.
I don’t give a damn about the earth. I don’t recycle. I don’t separate my plastics and cardboards. If I owned an SUV, I would fill that bitch up every five minutes. I leave the lights on when nobody is home.
If you want assholes like me to comply, then make it hard for us. Until then, you’re just wasting our time.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Daily News October 16
Today is October 16, 2009. It is the 289th day of the year with 76 to go.
Today's History
In 1793, during the French Revolution, Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, was beheaded.
In 1859, racial abolitionist John Brown initiated the raid on Harper's Ferry.
Today's News
Red Light, Green Light
A brothel in Berlin is offering discounts for customers who think about the environment. If you take public transportation or ride a bicycle to the whorehouse, then you can get a 5 euro discount (about $7.50) off your service! The brothel owner said they are rewarding these customers because times are hard and they are seeing a drop off of business because of the economy. Nobody is travelling for business anymore and the locals don't come around as often. For those who are saving money with public transportation, they can also save money with their favourite hooker. And in case you didn't know, prostitution is legal in Berlin.
I guess hoes want to go green too! Save the earth. Ride a hoe.
No Wedding Bells
A Louisiana justice of the peace refused to issue a marriage license for an interracial couple because he said he was worried about the children the couple might have in the future. He said it was his experience that interracial marriages do not last long and if they had any children, they would suffer. He insists that he is not a racist, but after having this discussion with white and black people, he has come to the conclusion that mixed children do not fit in well with black society and neither do they fit in well with white society. The couple will be filing a discrimination suit.
Uhm, is it 1963? I coulda swore it was 2009, but apparently we either went back in time or this is South Africa somewhere during the apartheid. Some of us, white and black, feel the sting of racism more than others do. Oh, wait, I forgot, he said he wasn't racist. Whatever. Some of us live this daily, and others either go through life blindly or maybe it truly has never happened to them. When you see stuff like this, you can hardly believe it, but then again, it almost doesn't surprise you. I'm just wondering how he thought he could actually get away with this unnoticed. You do know it's against the law to deny a marriage license based on colour, right? Just in case you didn't.
North Carolina, Anybody?
North Carolina could lose its appeal, if it ever had any, as a tourist attraction on October 29 after the state releases 20 very dangerous criminals based on an antiquated law. Some of the criminals were convicted of murder, rape and sexual assault of minors but they will be released because a law states that a life sentence is defined as 80 years. Most of these criminals have been denied parole repeatedly, but some earned good conduct credits which reduces the number of years they would have to spend in prison. One man raped a 15 year old girl after he had escaped from prison back in the 70s. Another woman murdered a state trooper while robbing a bank. There are 20 to be released and all but ONE was convicted of murder and/or rape. Law enforcement officials say that they hope these criminals have been rehabilitated but he doubts it, which is why they were given life sentences in the first place--because there is no hope for people like them. The state is still looking at a legal recourse, but so far, they have found nothing.
Well, I guess I won't be visiting any of the southern states for awhile. Just because they are in prison in North Carolina, don't mean they are going to stay there. Most of them will try to jump ship as soon as possible because they know that law enforcement will be keeping an eye on them. This is quite disturbing and once again our "humane" justice system is failing. I'm all for equal rights and whatever, but this is kind of ridiculous. Even if the law says eighty years, none of these people have been in jail for eighty years. If they had, they would all be dead. I can't see how their "good conduct" credits count for them. If they want to be the letter of the law, then call me back at the end of eighty years.
Stepfather, and Not the Movie Either
A Florida man is under arrest on attempted murder charges after he shot his step-daughter's boyfriend when caught the two of them having sex. The step-father went to the daughter's room and saw her and the boyfriend having sex. Instead of confronting them right then and there, he closed the door and went back down stairs to get a .45. He came back upstairs, opened the door and started blazing. The boy was screaming, don't shoot, don't shoot, but the father shot him 4 times in the leg and hip while he was struggling to put his clothes back on. The kid managed to get out of the house and down the street where a neighbour called the police. When the father went to court, it was discovered that he also had assault and weapons charges in St. Croix, where he is from.
Just so you know, it is perfectly legal for a 16 year old to have sex with an 18 year old in the state of Florida, however, it may not be legal IN YOUR PARENTS' HOME! Kids have sex, yeah, I know but seriously, at your house when your parents are home? Not a smart move. I feel sorry for everybody involved. Dumb girl for getting her boyfriend shot, dumb boy for getting shot and stupid daddy for overreacting. He should have just beat the kid up and threw him out the front door or something, but shooting him MULTIPLE TIMES, well, I hope you enjoy your 25 to life in prison. The boy will be crippled for life. The girl will be humiliated and the daddy is in jail. Have a nice life.
Celebrity News
TLC will sue John Gosselin for breach of contract, claiming that he makes unauthorised public disclosures about the show and appears on other shows for money when he is an exclusive employee of TLC. Even though he was fired from the show, he still made many appearances before he was fired. Yes, this public abortion is still on-going. TLC announced recently that Jon and Kate Plus Eight and any other version of the show, such as Kate Plus Eight will go off the air at the end of the month because Jon suddenly had an epiphany and thinks the show is bad for his children and the family. *rolls eyes* But apparently, he didn't think snatching over $200,000 out of the family bank account was harmful for the children. Whateves. The judge made him give back most of the money after Kate went crying to national television that she can't pay her bills. Now she will have to actually work like the rest of America to take care of the kids she claimed were crying because the camera crews were gone. Since daycare is outrageous these days, maybe she can ask the Octo-Mom to take care of them, since she obviously has some experience at exploiting multiple children.
For those of you who managed to be blissfully unaware of the Balloon Boy fiasco yesterday, it has been discovered that it was probably just a big publicity stunt. The family is freakish about science and they are always inventing things and doing crazy scientific experiments. The built some kind of hot air balloon that they will use to investigate extraterrestrials but it was alleged that the six year old unleashed the balloon that was tied to the house and jumped in it so he could go on his very own hot air balloon ride. His older brother claimed that he saw the younger one get in the balloon and this sparked a state wide search of flight paths and crop circles to look for the little brat. It turned out, he was hiding in the attic because "his father yelled at him." When interviewed, the boy blurted out that it was "apart of the show." Interviewers tried to further question him, but he clammed up and the daddy became "outraged" that such questions were even being asked. The family appeared on the show Wife Swap some time ago, and perhaps they are just media-hungry that they would pretend that their kid was floating away a mile above the earth. I bet if you slap their asses with some fines for the misuse of emergency personnel and services, they would keep all that scientific experimentation crap to themselves. They even had the national guard fly Blackhawks across farm land to look for him. Some people will do anything.
Today's Thought
What is time? The shadow on the dial, the striking of the clock, the running of the sand, day and night, summer and winter, months, years, centuries--these are but arbitrary and outward signs, the measure of Time, not Time itself. Time is the Life of the soul. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Today's History
In 1793, during the French Revolution, Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, was beheaded.
In 1859, racial abolitionist John Brown initiated the raid on Harper's Ferry.
Today's News
Red Light, Green Light
A brothel in Berlin is offering discounts for customers who think about the environment. If you take public transportation or ride a bicycle to the whorehouse, then you can get a 5 euro discount (about $7.50) off your service! The brothel owner said they are rewarding these customers because times are hard and they are seeing a drop off of business because of the economy. Nobody is travelling for business anymore and the locals don't come around as often. For those who are saving money with public transportation, they can also save money with their favourite hooker. And in case you didn't know, prostitution is legal in Berlin.
I guess hoes want to go green too! Save the earth. Ride a hoe.
No Wedding Bells
A Louisiana justice of the peace refused to issue a marriage license for an interracial couple because he said he was worried about the children the couple might have in the future. He said it was his experience that interracial marriages do not last long and if they had any children, they would suffer. He insists that he is not a racist, but after having this discussion with white and black people, he has come to the conclusion that mixed children do not fit in well with black society and neither do they fit in well with white society. The couple will be filing a discrimination suit.
Uhm, is it 1963? I coulda swore it was 2009, but apparently we either went back in time or this is South Africa somewhere during the apartheid. Some of us, white and black, feel the sting of racism more than others do. Oh, wait, I forgot, he said he wasn't racist. Whatever. Some of us live this daily, and others either go through life blindly or maybe it truly has never happened to them. When you see stuff like this, you can hardly believe it, but then again, it almost doesn't surprise you. I'm just wondering how he thought he could actually get away with this unnoticed. You do know it's against the law to deny a marriage license based on colour, right? Just in case you didn't.
North Carolina, Anybody?
North Carolina could lose its appeal, if it ever had any, as a tourist attraction on October 29 after the state releases 20 very dangerous criminals based on an antiquated law. Some of the criminals were convicted of murder, rape and sexual assault of minors but they will be released because a law states that a life sentence is defined as 80 years. Most of these criminals have been denied parole repeatedly, but some earned good conduct credits which reduces the number of years they would have to spend in prison. One man raped a 15 year old girl after he had escaped from prison back in the 70s. Another woman murdered a state trooper while robbing a bank. There are 20 to be released and all but ONE was convicted of murder and/or rape. Law enforcement officials say that they hope these criminals have been rehabilitated but he doubts it, which is why they were given life sentences in the first place--because there is no hope for people like them. The state is still looking at a legal recourse, but so far, they have found nothing.
Well, I guess I won't be visiting any of the southern states for awhile. Just because they are in prison in North Carolina, don't mean they are going to stay there. Most of them will try to jump ship as soon as possible because they know that law enforcement will be keeping an eye on them. This is quite disturbing and once again our "humane" justice system is failing. I'm all for equal rights and whatever, but this is kind of ridiculous. Even if the law says eighty years, none of these people have been in jail for eighty years. If they had, they would all be dead. I can't see how their "good conduct" credits count for them. If they want to be the letter of the law, then call me back at the end of eighty years.
Stepfather, and Not the Movie Either
A Florida man is under arrest on attempted murder charges after he shot his step-daughter's boyfriend when caught the two of them having sex. The step-father went to the daughter's room and saw her and the boyfriend having sex. Instead of confronting them right then and there, he closed the door and went back down stairs to get a .45. He came back upstairs, opened the door and started blazing. The boy was screaming, don't shoot, don't shoot, but the father shot him 4 times in the leg and hip while he was struggling to put his clothes back on. The kid managed to get out of the house and down the street where a neighbour called the police. When the father went to court, it was discovered that he also had assault and weapons charges in St. Croix, where he is from.
Just so you know, it is perfectly legal for a 16 year old to have sex with an 18 year old in the state of Florida, however, it may not be legal IN YOUR PARENTS' HOME! Kids have sex, yeah, I know but seriously, at your house when your parents are home? Not a smart move. I feel sorry for everybody involved. Dumb girl for getting her boyfriend shot, dumb boy for getting shot and stupid daddy for overreacting. He should have just beat the kid up and threw him out the front door or something, but shooting him MULTIPLE TIMES, well, I hope you enjoy your 25 to life in prison. The boy will be crippled for life. The girl will be humiliated and the daddy is in jail. Have a nice life.
Celebrity News
TLC will sue John Gosselin for breach of contract, claiming that he makes unauthorised public disclosures about the show and appears on other shows for money when he is an exclusive employee of TLC. Even though he was fired from the show, he still made many appearances before he was fired. Yes, this public abortion is still on-going. TLC announced recently that Jon and Kate Plus Eight and any other version of the show, such as Kate Plus Eight will go off the air at the end of the month because Jon suddenly had an epiphany and thinks the show is bad for his children and the family. *rolls eyes* But apparently, he didn't think snatching over $200,000 out of the family bank account was harmful for the children. Whateves. The judge made him give back most of the money after Kate went crying to national television that she can't pay her bills. Now she will have to actually work like the rest of America to take care of the kids she claimed were crying because the camera crews were gone. Since daycare is outrageous these days, maybe she can ask the Octo-Mom to take care of them, since she obviously has some experience at exploiting multiple children.
For those of you who managed to be blissfully unaware of the Balloon Boy fiasco yesterday, it has been discovered that it was probably just a big publicity stunt. The family is freakish about science and they are always inventing things and doing crazy scientific experiments. The built some kind of hot air balloon that they will use to investigate extraterrestrials but it was alleged that the six year old unleashed the balloon that was tied to the house and jumped in it so he could go on his very own hot air balloon ride. His older brother claimed that he saw the younger one get in the balloon and this sparked a state wide search of flight paths and crop circles to look for the little brat. It turned out, he was hiding in the attic because "his father yelled at him." When interviewed, the boy blurted out that it was "apart of the show." Interviewers tried to further question him, but he clammed up and the daddy became "outraged" that such questions were even being asked. The family appeared on the show Wife Swap some time ago, and perhaps they are just media-hungry that they would pretend that their kid was floating away a mile above the earth. I bet if you slap their asses with some fines for the misuse of emergency personnel and services, they would keep all that scientific experimentation crap to themselves. They even had the national guard fly Blackhawks across farm land to look for him. Some people will do anything.
Today's Thought
What is time? The shadow on the dial, the striking of the clock, the running of the sand, day and night, summer and winter, months, years, centuries--these are but arbitrary and outward signs, the measure of Time, not Time itself. Time is the Life of the soul. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Daily News October 15
Today is October 15. It is the 288th day of the year with 77 to go.
Today's History
In 1917, Dutch dancer Mata Hari was executed for spying for the Germans.
In 2003, 11 people were killed when the State Island Ferry crashed into a maintenance pier.
Today's News
In It To Win It
An Ohio woman has been arrested after causing a riot at a Burlington Coat Factory. The woman arrived at the store in a chauffeur driven stretch Hummer and announced that she had just won the lottery and she would pay for everybody's purchases up to $500. People began shopping in earnest, even calling relatives who were not in the store to come up to the store so they too could take part in this woman's charity. Soon at least 500 people were standing in line to get their purchases and another 1000 people were standing outside waiting to get in. She claimed she had just won $1.5 million and wanted to share it with everybody. After all the stuff was rung up, the woman said she was going to the bank to get some money. She came back empty-handed. Another woman came up to her and said, "I don't really need new clothes, I need help with my rent." So the lottery winner wrote her a check in the amount of the rent. Then the woman randomly disappeared. It was about an hour before the employees at Burlington Coat Factory realised the woman was gone and she hadn't paid for anything. That's when the customers began to riot screaming that they still wanted their free stuff. They began snatching at clothes and running out of the store. The police had to intervene and shut the store down to get everybody to calm down. The police would have never found the woman if she hadn't skipped out on the $900 bill she owed the Hummer driver; he turned her into the police.
She lucky she was in Ohio and not Baltimore; she would have been shot. That's crazy. I mean, I know crazy stuff like this could happen, but people are morons for even believing her, especially the workers at the store. In these difficult economic times, who just walks into a store and announces they gonna pay for everything? I would have been like, "We'll certainly honour your request if you wouldn't mind putting up a hefty retainer." So that means the clerks were over there scanning all this stuff and letting people leave without getting paid for anything. Then when she said, "I'm going to the bank real quick," that should have been a sign. Why did you come in here and you don't even have the money with you? The woman has been arrested on several charges, but if she has a good lawyer (or the money to pay for a good lawyer) he should be able to get her off. The woman can come in there and say anything she wants, as long as it isn't terrorist related, but she's not responsible for the people losing their minds and stealing stuff. She never said, "Hey, everybody, steal anything you want," and even if she did, she still isn't responsible. She didn't take anything except the free Hummer ride.
More Fish and Relationship Problems
A man who stabbed a woman's fish during a breakup has been given probation. An Oregan man shared an apartment with his girlfriend, but they decided to break up after he assaulted her. She asked him to leave but he returned a few hours later and was laying in the bed. They got into a fight, but the woman managed to get away. When she returned to the apartment she found the beta fish that he had given her for her birthday lying on the kitchen floor with a knife through it. The woman was completely shocked that he would do that to the fish he bought for her, knowing that she cared for it very much. She asked the judge to make the boyfriend pay restitution so she could get a tattoo in honour of the fish; the judge declined. The man said that stabbing the fish was a very low point in his life and he hopes the judge will allow him to see fish again.
Both of these people need mental help. I'm sorry for the fish, but seriously, you wanted restitution so you could get a tattoo in honour of a beta fish? A beta fish costs like $2.25 at Pet Smart. Now if you had said it was an exotic Queen Angel fish, some shit that costs like $300.00, or something you can only find swimming off the glaciers of Antarctica, then perhaps I could see how you might be affected.
The Midget Cup
Always dreamed of being apart of the glamour and glitz that is professional horse racing, but couldn't afford a horse, too big to be a jockey, or in some other way you fall short? Well, what about midget racing? It's just as fun and it's a whole lot cheaper. In Australia, horse racing officials have decided to race midgets rather than horses to promote an annual carnival. The midgets are the jockeys and regular sized grown men are the "horses." The midgets ride piggyback and race down a 50 meter course. The Australian government blasted the activity as "tasteless."
I guess when you think of carnivals, you think of midgets. But this is also the same country that did the blackface Michael Jackson skit a few days ago. I'm beginning to wonder about the Land Down Under. What's going on over there?
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Retire
A Russian man who was previously homeless, managed to get himself off the streets and into stock market trading by collecting bottles. He had been living on the streets for more than a year, collecting as many as 2000 bottles a day and trading them in for cash. On average, one bottle fetches about six cents. He said because of the economy many Russians are drinking more heavily than usual (surprise, surprise), so that is why he was able to get as many bottles as he did. He got enough money to buy himself a majestic purple suit, some ostentatious violet jewellery and a $74,000 share purchase in the stock market.
When I was a mortgage collector, we used to tell people who were in serious default to collect cans to make their mortgage payment. Most of the time we got cussed at, laughed at, or hung up on. They thought it was a joke, but look, look at this man. He's movin' on up. Finally got that deluxe apartment in the sky. On some liquor bottles.
Today's Thought
We used to do things for posterity. Now we do things for ourselves and leave the bill to posterity. ~Anonymous
Today's History
In 1917, Dutch dancer Mata Hari was executed for spying for the Germans.
In 2003, 11 people were killed when the State Island Ferry crashed into a maintenance pier.
Today's News
In It To Win It
An Ohio woman has been arrested after causing a riot at a Burlington Coat Factory. The woman arrived at the store in a chauffeur driven stretch Hummer and announced that she had just won the lottery and she would pay for everybody's purchases up to $500. People began shopping in earnest, even calling relatives who were not in the store to come up to the store so they too could take part in this woman's charity. Soon at least 500 people were standing in line to get their purchases and another 1000 people were standing outside waiting to get in. She claimed she had just won $1.5 million and wanted to share it with everybody. After all the stuff was rung up, the woman said she was going to the bank to get some money. She came back empty-handed. Another woman came up to her and said, "I don't really need new clothes, I need help with my rent." So the lottery winner wrote her a check in the amount of the rent. Then the woman randomly disappeared. It was about an hour before the employees at Burlington Coat Factory realised the woman was gone and she hadn't paid for anything. That's when the customers began to riot screaming that they still wanted their free stuff. They began snatching at clothes and running out of the store. The police had to intervene and shut the store down to get everybody to calm down. The police would have never found the woman if she hadn't skipped out on the $900 bill she owed the Hummer driver; he turned her into the police.
She lucky she was in Ohio and not Baltimore; she would have been shot. That's crazy. I mean, I know crazy stuff like this could happen, but people are morons for even believing her, especially the workers at the store. In these difficult economic times, who just walks into a store and announces they gonna pay for everything? I would have been like, "We'll certainly honour your request if you wouldn't mind putting up a hefty retainer." So that means the clerks were over there scanning all this stuff and letting people leave without getting paid for anything. Then when she said, "I'm going to the bank real quick," that should have been a sign. Why did you come in here and you don't even have the money with you? The woman has been arrested on several charges, but if she has a good lawyer (or the money to pay for a good lawyer) he should be able to get her off. The woman can come in there and say anything she wants, as long as it isn't terrorist related, but she's not responsible for the people losing their minds and stealing stuff. She never said, "Hey, everybody, steal anything you want," and even if she did, she still isn't responsible. She didn't take anything except the free Hummer ride.
More Fish and Relationship Problems
A man who stabbed a woman's fish during a breakup has been given probation. An Oregan man shared an apartment with his girlfriend, but they decided to break up after he assaulted her. She asked him to leave but he returned a few hours later and was laying in the bed. They got into a fight, but the woman managed to get away. When she returned to the apartment she found the beta fish that he had given her for her birthday lying on the kitchen floor with a knife through it. The woman was completely shocked that he would do that to the fish he bought for her, knowing that she cared for it very much. She asked the judge to make the boyfriend pay restitution so she could get a tattoo in honour of the fish; the judge declined. The man said that stabbing the fish was a very low point in his life and he hopes the judge will allow him to see fish again.
Both of these people need mental help. I'm sorry for the fish, but seriously, you wanted restitution so you could get a tattoo in honour of a beta fish? A beta fish costs like $2.25 at Pet Smart. Now if you had said it was an exotic Queen Angel fish, some shit that costs like $300.00, or something you can only find swimming off the glaciers of Antarctica, then perhaps I could see how you might be affected.
The Midget Cup
Always dreamed of being apart of the glamour and glitz that is professional horse racing, but couldn't afford a horse, too big to be a jockey, or in some other way you fall short? Well, what about midget racing? It's just as fun and it's a whole lot cheaper. In Australia, horse racing officials have decided to race midgets rather than horses to promote an annual carnival. The midgets are the jockeys and regular sized grown men are the "horses." The midgets ride piggyback and race down a 50 meter course. The Australian government blasted the activity as "tasteless."
I guess when you think of carnivals, you think of midgets. But this is also the same country that did the blackface Michael Jackson skit a few days ago. I'm beginning to wonder about the Land Down Under. What's going on over there?
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Retire
A Russian man who was previously homeless, managed to get himself off the streets and into stock market trading by collecting bottles. He had been living on the streets for more than a year, collecting as many as 2000 bottles a day and trading them in for cash. On average, one bottle fetches about six cents. He said because of the economy many Russians are drinking more heavily than usual (surprise, surprise), so that is why he was able to get as many bottles as he did. He got enough money to buy himself a majestic purple suit, some ostentatious violet jewellery and a $74,000 share purchase in the stock market.
When I was a mortgage collector, we used to tell people who were in serious default to collect cans to make their mortgage payment. Most of the time we got cussed at, laughed at, or hung up on. They thought it was a joke, but look, look at this man. He's movin' on up. Finally got that deluxe apartment in the sky. On some liquor bottles.
Today's Thought
We used to do things for posterity. Now we do things for ourselves and leave the bill to posterity. ~Anonymous
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