Daily News December 28

Today is Monday, December 28. It is the 362nd day of the year with three days to go.

Today’s History

In 1846, Iowa became the 29th state admitted to the Union.
In 1945, Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance.

Today’s News

Your Homework Assignment
Elementary school students in California wondered what kind of homework assignment their teacher had given them after she sent them home with a DVD of her having sex on a couch. The DVD was supposed to contain images of the schoolchildren telling stories in class, but instead there was a clip of her having sex spliced in the middle of story time. A parent called the teacher to tell her what was on DVD and the teacher originally asked for the DVDs to be returned. The school district instead instructed the parents to destroy them. There is no word on what happened to the teacher or if any action was taken.

This is just wrong on so many levels. First of all, when the teacher brought her camcorder to school to record the class, she couldn’t find a blank tape? She had to use her straight-to-video release sex tape? Secondly, after you finish making a video, don’t you watch it just to make sure it came out the way you wanted it? With all this fancy new technology out there, she could have easily edited that out, but that’s only if she had bothered watching the tape in the first place. These were elementary aged kids, not middle school or high school kids, so I know they have some questions for their parents, not to mention they are going to be looking at their teacher funny. It doesn’t say what happened to her. Maybe she shouldn’t be fired, but at least moved to another grade or classroom until this whole thing is forgotten.

Speaking of Sex Tapes
An 86 year old governor from India has resigned from his position after a local TV station aired a tape of him having sex with three women. After the tape aired, women’s rights groups protested against him and demanded that he resign. The governor claims the tape was fabricated by the TV station, but a woman introduced the three women to the governor says it is true. The three women were brought to the governor in exchange for a position on a mining lease. When the governor failed to keep his promise, the woman sent the tape to the TV station. The tape would have been aired on public television several more times, but a court put a stop to that.

Nobody wants to see an 86 year old man have sex with three women anyway, but I think the U.S. should take a page from India’s book. I know we’re concerned about what our children see, but I think the U.S. would be a lot less corrupt if we actually aired people’s dirty laundry on national television. If we so choose, we should be able to read scandalous letters written between political parties, or hear actual testimony of what really happened; not the watered down version that shows up on ABC News Nightly. Then maybe people would learn to keep their pants on.

So Early, So Early In the Morn
An Italian toy store owner showed he was really in the Christmas spirit by opening up his shop at 4AM Christmas Day to help a mother whose gifts had been stolen. The mother put her little girls in bed Christmas Eve night then went down to the basement to get their gifts, only to discover that they had been stolen. Frantic that her children would not have anything under the tree Christmas morning, she ran out to various gas stations trying to find something to buy for them. She reported the incident to the police, and the police called the toy store owner to ask him to open his store. The mother was able to get something for her little girls.

I’m sure many of you think this is a sweet heart-warming story about Christmas spirit, and really it is, but if people weren’t so obsessed with the need to GET things on Christmas, then it wouldn’t really matter if there was nothing under the tree or not. I’m sure two little girls would be disappointed, but the mother could have explained that some jackass robbed them. Instead, I would have cooked a super delicious extravagant breakfast and then taken them on an adventure, some place that we had never gone, doing things we had never done before. I would have made it a Christmas to remember, because you can be sure that the kids probably don’t even care what lengths the mother went to just so they could have some toys under the tree. And if I had been the toy store owner, “Bah humbug, we’ll be open tomorrow at our regular time.” I know, I’m mean.

Today’s Celebrity

What Goes Around Comes Around
While Jon Gosselin was out visiting his children for Christmas, someone was at his apartment ransacking the place. He returned to find his furniture had been slashed, the TV stolen and a note pinned to his dresser with a butcher knife. His clothes and other furniture were also destroyed, as well as a family heirloom vase. Whoever trashed the place stole most of his electronics and his dishes.

Does anybody know where Kate was while he was seeing the kids? The cops won’t say what was in the letter but it was probably something like, “Jon Gosselin, you piece of trash.”

Another Unruly Passenger
Donald Trump’s ex-wife, Ivana Trump, had to be removed from an airplane after she got angry and started screaming at children on the plane. Several kids were screaming and running up and down the aisles, and reportedly Ms. Trump began cursing at them, telling them to shut up and sit down. The flight attendants tried to calm her down, but she only got more aggravated. When she started screaming, she was asked to voluntarily exit the plane. She refused and the police had to escort her off.

Okay, so the kids are the ones running up and down the aisles screaming, but Ivana Trump has to get off the plane because she was agitated. Why didn’t the brats have to get off the plane? Shouldn’t they be in their seats? At any rate, Ivana better be careful. These days, passengers who make even the slightest noise on the plane will get removed and questioned for terrorism, just like they did those two men in Phoenix. Next thing you know, we’ll be hearing about Al Qaeda’s newest operative: Ivana Trump and her many ex-husbands.

Today’s Thought

Our chief defect is that we are more given to talking about things than to doing them. ~Jawaharlal Nehru