Why am I the only one who doesn’t seem to understand what the problem is? I am so confused as to why this is such a hot topic. Is it because we’re a sensitive folk and don’t like being told we’re too fat, too this, too that? Is it because we don’t appreciate the attention pointed at the obvious? I just don’t get it.
I read this article just now about Kevin Smith, the director who was booted from a Southwest Airlines flight because he was allegedly too fat to fit into an airline seat. I am not entirely sure of the correct story. Apparently, he flew one way without any problem, but the other way, he was suddenly too fat. I seemed to get conflicting stories. It seemed like one way he bought TWO seats but the other way he wasn’t able to buy two seats, but somehow the arm rests were able to come down, or something. You know what? Who cares what the precise story is? Let’s just look at the main issue of being too fat to fly.
Why is this an issue? If you’re too fat to fly, you’re just too fat. Why can’t people get it in their brains? Look, I am a moderate sized girl. I wouldn’t call myself fat, but I certainly wouldn’t describe myself as thin. At this point, I do not need two seats, but should I ever double in size, I don’t see what the big problem is requiring me to buy two seats so I could comfortably fit my fat ass. Granted, it’s expensive, but so is flying on the whole. Is that the problem? Are you mad because you need two seats: one for the left cheek and one for the right? I think if I got that fat, I wouldn’t fly anymore because it’s already bloody uncomfortable, even if you are thin.
I am confused by the fat people of America. And if you’re offended by my use of the word fat, please get over it. That’s what you are, whether it’s health reasons, or because you like being fat, or you can’t help being fat–whatever the reason, you’re fat if your body exceeds certain parameters. What I’m not saying is that fat is ugly, or fat is unhealthful, or fat is that, or whatever. I am not making a judgement on what I think about being fat. This is NOT that type of blog (I’ll save that for later). I’m only talking about the actual physical presence of being fat.
Anyway, I was saying that I was confused by the fat people of America. Some people who are fat don’t think there is anything wrong with them. They are happy with the way they look, and they are tired of skinny people telling them they are unhealthy, unhappy, un-whatever. If you’re so happy with being fat, why aren’t you happy buying two seats?
Then there’s the group of people who say they are fat because of some kind of health reason, like thyroid or something. They say they cannot help being fat and people should stop picking on them. I agree; however, you have accepted that you are fat, so you should accept that you need two seats. I cannot help that I am a midget. I still have to go out and buy stools and booster seats and all other manner of humiliating tools to make me feel taller so I can reach the lightbulbs or the kitchen counter tops. It’s a fact of life!
What I have yet to hear is a VALID argument as to why fat people should not be forced to buy two seats. If your body exceeds the parameters of the airline seats and you are not encroaching on another PAID customer’s seat, why don’t you think you should buy two seats? Why? I really want to know. I have been on airplanes where the person next to me is so fat that they spilled over into my seat forcing my flight to be even more uncomfortable than it already is. If you don’t have to pay for two seats, than I should only have to pay for half of mine since that’s all I’m using.
I once bitched about this in another blog and someone commented that if I didn’t like it I shouldn’t fly anymore. What? Seriously? I mean, seriously. I can fit in the seat! The fat man shouldn’t fly anymore because he’s inconveniencing everyone around him. The flight attendant felt sorry for me because there was no more room on the plane. I got up to go to the bathroom and I lingered in that little area outside the toilets for a little while, even though they don’t like you to do that these post 9/11 days.
I think all airlines should have a hard steadfast policy on the subject of fat people and how many seats they take up. They have hard steadfast policies on everything else. Have you ever tried to get the airline to waive the $75 change fee? Ain’t gonna happen.
I don’t feel sorry for Kevin Smith that he got booted off his plane. In case he didn’t realise, the airlines pretty much have the right to do whatever it is they want. You agree to that when you buy one of their overpriced air tickets. Mr. Smith handled himself classlessly (to make up my own word) by bad-mouthing the airline. He made some lame argument that his weight was used an excuse because a flight attendant did not like his movies. How ridiculous is that? He called Southwest Airlines the “welfare, foodstamp airline.” He also says he will not fly Southwest Airlines anymore, but I hope he doesn’t expect better treatment from any of the other airlines. Since he’s so deep in his pockets, why doesn’t he buy one of those lofty first class seats on one of the legacy airlines. I mean, the Southwest apologised (which they should not have), refunded his money and gave him a credit. What else does he want them to do? Put him on Weight Watchers?
I think the fact that everybody is all up in arms over this subject is kind of ridiculous. Whether you are fat by choice, genes or too many Hostess cupcakes, you have to either do something about it or live with your decision. If you want to fly, be prepared to buy two seats. If you don’t like it, rent a car and drive, or go on a diet. It’s your choice. I just wish we could get off this subject because this is the first, and hopefully the last time that I will ever defend the airlines.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Snowmaggedon #5: Free At Last
…free at last…
…free at last…
…Thank God Almighty, I’m free at last…
Seriously.
So, yesterday afternoon, for the first time EVER in the history of this winter season, a snow plow came down my street. It’s a bloody miracle! It was becoming quite dangerous to even traverse the thing. We were down to half a lane and without any room to pull over to the side to allow another car to come through. It was getting to the point where two cars would sit at either ends of the block, staring each other down, wondering which one would back up first. Even the big trucks were getting stuck in the deep drifts. Everyone was sliding around on the two inch thick layer of permafrost that covered the street.
I’m a practical person, and I knew it’ll be some time before we all get back to normal, but I refused to believe that Prince George’s County was going to completely abandon us. I was hopeful that one of these days, even if it is May 12, someone would show up and clear a path on my block. I have a feeling the only reason they did it is because they have to get waste management through and the postal service. If they had left it, there wouldn’t be trash pick up until July and the post office wouldn’t be able to deliver mail until next August. I had a brief hallucination of the postman blocking up the street for half an hour while he delivered mail. The sad part is that none of the mailboxes were visible because they were all covered in snow, and secondly the street is only one lane. Where would the mailman pull off so he could do his round? The trash truck would get stuck with no place to turn around. We haven’t had mail service or trash pick up since… I don’t know… I know we haven’t had either all last week.
I arrive to work this morning after having been off for 10 days. I got the shaft from my company. No pay for every day I wasn’t supposed to be off. It’s really crappy but since I’m not exactly hurting for money, I won’t cry too much. It’s just the principle of the whole thing. It was entirely too dangerous to be out on the road but yet somehow someone managed to make it in each day to open up HQ so we would have a place to work. What’s that all about? At any rate, parking over here is a disaster area. Parking isn’t usually bad at my location, but there’s just no place to put all this damn snow. Half of the back of the lot is full of snow. There are six foot high snow piles on the edge of sidewalks that will probably fall into the street once things get melting. I expect avalanches soon.
I wonder where they put all the snow. There was already some pretty sizeable snow mountains in random parking lots across the area because of the big snow in December. That stuff hadn’t melted, not to mention all the “minor” snows we’ve had in between. People are so focused on the mega snow that they don’t even remember those 5 inch snow we’ve had. Remember when five inches used to be like… oh my God, now it’s like… whateves…
A co-worker said that they were putting the snow in the Potomac. I don’t know if I believe that, but just in case… is that safe? Won’t that cause like some kind of flooding problem or desalination… global warming… I don’t know what I’m talking about, just repeating things (and not very well) that I’ve heard on TV. When the snow plow came to my street, all he did was scoop the snow out the street and dump it into people’s yards. Mt. Everest is erupting from my front yard. Seriously, it is a mega pile of snow there.
Well, I guess we are all back to work now. No more fun and games. I predict that we’ll get another healthy snow before the season is out and I also think we’re going to have a rainy gross spring and hot, muggy gross summer. I don’t know anything about climate change or global warming or whatever, but I don’t understand where people have this set in stone idea that global warming means only hotter temperatures. I think it means like some kind of disruption in the natural flow of things. So we’ll have bizarre hot summers and freakishly snowy cold winters in places where you don’t even get snow like that. Cuz if you look at it, if you minus the snow, it has been FRIGID this winter.
But that’s just my unprofessional opinion.
…free at last…
…Thank God Almighty, I’m free at last…
Seriously.
So, yesterday afternoon, for the first time EVER in the history of this winter season, a snow plow came down my street. It’s a bloody miracle! It was becoming quite dangerous to even traverse the thing. We were down to half a lane and without any room to pull over to the side to allow another car to come through. It was getting to the point where two cars would sit at either ends of the block, staring each other down, wondering which one would back up first. Even the big trucks were getting stuck in the deep drifts. Everyone was sliding around on the two inch thick layer of permafrost that covered the street.
I’m a practical person, and I knew it’ll be some time before we all get back to normal, but I refused to believe that Prince George’s County was going to completely abandon us. I was hopeful that one of these days, even if it is May 12, someone would show up and clear a path on my block. I have a feeling the only reason they did it is because they have to get waste management through and the postal service. If they had left it, there wouldn’t be trash pick up until July and the post office wouldn’t be able to deliver mail until next August. I had a brief hallucination of the postman blocking up the street for half an hour while he delivered mail. The sad part is that none of the mailboxes were visible because they were all covered in snow, and secondly the street is only one lane. Where would the mailman pull off so he could do his round? The trash truck would get stuck with no place to turn around. We haven’t had mail service or trash pick up since… I don’t know… I know we haven’t had either all last week.
I arrive to work this morning after having been off for 10 days. I got the shaft from my company. No pay for every day I wasn’t supposed to be off. It’s really crappy but since I’m not exactly hurting for money, I won’t cry too much. It’s just the principle of the whole thing. It was entirely too dangerous to be out on the road but yet somehow someone managed to make it in each day to open up HQ so we would have a place to work. What’s that all about? At any rate, parking over here is a disaster area. Parking isn’t usually bad at my location, but there’s just no place to put all this damn snow. Half of the back of the lot is full of snow. There are six foot high snow piles on the edge of sidewalks that will probably fall into the street once things get melting. I expect avalanches soon.
I wonder where they put all the snow. There was already some pretty sizeable snow mountains in random parking lots across the area because of the big snow in December. That stuff hadn’t melted, not to mention all the “minor” snows we’ve had in between. People are so focused on the mega snow that they don’t even remember those 5 inch snow we’ve had. Remember when five inches used to be like… oh my God, now it’s like… whateves…
A co-worker said that they were putting the snow in the Potomac. I don’t know if I believe that, but just in case… is that safe? Won’t that cause like some kind of flooding problem or desalination… global warming… I don’t know what I’m talking about, just repeating things (and not very well) that I’ve heard on TV. When the snow plow came to my street, all he did was scoop the snow out the street and dump it into people’s yards. Mt. Everest is erupting from my front yard. Seriously, it is a mega pile of snow there.
Well, I guess we are all back to work now. No more fun and games. I predict that we’ll get another healthy snow before the season is out and I also think we’re going to have a rainy gross spring and hot, muggy gross summer. I don’t know anything about climate change or global warming or whatever, but I don’t understand where people have this set in stone idea that global warming means only hotter temperatures. I think it means like some kind of disruption in the natural flow of things. So we’ll have bizarre hot summers and freakishly snowy cold winters in places where you don’t even get snow like that. Cuz if you look at it, if you minus the snow, it has been FRIGID this winter.
But that’s just my unprofessional opinion.
Today In History: Mardi Gras, Shrove Tuesday, Fat Tuesday
Today is February 16, 2010 and it is Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday, or Shrove Tuesday
Just in case you didn’t know, Mardi Gras is celebrated in other places other than New Orleans and Rio de Janiero. It is also celebrated in many different ways. For some, Mardi Gras isn’t just the day before Ash Wednesday. Some cultures use the term to represent an entire period, a couple of days or even a few weeks.
In Ireland and the United Kingdom, the day is called Shrove Tuesday. In Alabama, Mardi Gras begins in November and ends with a huge ass party that lasts up until Ash Wednesday. In South America, Mardi Gras begins at the end of Twelfth Night (the coming of the Epiphany). In Panama, Mardi Gras is a four-day holiday weekend upon which people are soaked with water hoses from trucks.
Many cultures mark the occasion with the eating of pancakes. Supposedly, in previous times, pancakes were considered one of the most fattening, gluttonous things a person could eat. People would eat the pancakes, indulging themselves on Fat Tuesday in order to prepare themselves for the solemnity and fasting of the Lent Season which begins on Ash Wednesday.
You didn’t know before, and now you do.
And if you hurry, head down to IHOP. Today is National Pancake Day, and they are giving away a free plate of pancakes.
Enjoy your life.
Just in case you didn’t know, Mardi Gras is celebrated in other places other than New Orleans and Rio de Janiero. It is also celebrated in many different ways. For some, Mardi Gras isn’t just the day before Ash Wednesday. Some cultures use the term to represent an entire period, a couple of days or even a few weeks.
In Ireland and the United Kingdom, the day is called Shrove Tuesday. In Alabama, Mardi Gras begins in November and ends with a huge ass party that lasts up until Ash Wednesday. In South America, Mardi Gras begins at the end of Twelfth Night (the coming of the Epiphany). In Panama, Mardi Gras is a four-day holiday weekend upon which people are soaked with water hoses from trucks.
Many cultures mark the occasion with the eating of pancakes. Supposedly, in previous times, pancakes were considered one of the most fattening, gluttonous things a person could eat. People would eat the pancakes, indulging themselves on Fat Tuesday in order to prepare themselves for the solemnity and fasting of the Lent Season which begins on Ash Wednesday.
You didn’t know before, and now you do.
And if you hurry, head down to IHOP. Today is National Pancake Day, and they are giving away a free plate of pancakes.
Enjoy your life.
Daily News February 16
Today is Shrove Tuesday, February 16, 2010. It is the 47th day of the year with 318 to go.
Today’s History
In 1959, Fidel Castro became the premier of Cuba.
In 1968, the nation’s first 911 system was inaugurated in Alabama.
Today’s News
Huked On Phonics Werked For Me
If you have a hard time spelling and proofreading, maybe you shouldn’t consider a job where spelling is critical. The country of Chile has fired the director of its mint because he apparently has difficulty spelling the name of his own country. The director is responsible for sending thousands of coins into circulation that said CHIIE instead of CHILE. Officials state that coins with the country’s name spelled incorrectly is an embarrassment and gives the mint a bad reputation. The coins are still in circulation, and they will be honoured at their face value. Numismatists have started collecting the coins because they feel they are rare.
That’s pretty sad. You don’t know how to spell your own country’s name? There’s only FIVE letters in Chile. What if the U.S. Mint sent out coins that read United Stats of America?
Desperate Times…
A 73 year old Florida man has been arrested for robbing three banks in the Tampa area. During each bank robbery, the man managed to get $600 without using a weapon. He would enter the bank and hand the teller a note, requesting $600. Most bank policies state that the teller should give up the money in case the suspect is armed. None of the tellers knew that the man was not armed. When the man was captured, he stated that he intended to repay the money back. He said he needed the cash to pay his mortgage.
…call for desperate measures. He only asked for $600 each time he robbed the bank? At least he wasn’t greedy. He asked for just enough to pay his bills and get on with life. These days, you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m mad that he’s 73 years old though, robbing banks. Luckily, he didn’t have to make a break for it.
Having a Blast
A 62 year old Michigan man is in hospital with severe burns after he strapped a homemade rocket to his back. The man was having his annual sledding party at his home and decided to construct a rocket made of a motorcycle muffler and pipe. He was clearly inebriated when he strapped the rocket to his back and jumped on a sled. The rocket was packed with gunpowder, match heads and gasoline. He asked a friend to light the contraption and as he was sliding down a snowy embankment, the device exploded. The man has second degree burns to his face and will probably face criminal charges.
Okay, so this guy is 62 years old, obviously a grown man, not some dumb teenager (just a dumb old man). If he thought it was safe to strap gasoline, gunpowder and some match heads to his back, then let him. What criminal charges are they bringing: sheer stupidity while intoxicated? It’s lucky that no one else was injured and it’s also lucky he didn’t blow himself up. I would have paid good money to see this. I hope someone caught this on tape. I’ll be looking forward to the straight-to-Youtube release.
Can We Say Malpractice?
A Czech woman will be suing her doctor’s office after she finally discovered the cause of her stomach pain. The woman had gynecological surgery in September, but afterwards she continually complained of intense pain in her abdomen. Every time she went back to the doctor to find out what the problem was, they told her it was just minor complications of the surgery and that soon the pain would go away. The woman finally went to another doctor who discovered a foot long surgical instrument left in her stomach. The surgical instrument is approximately 12 inches in length and resembles a spatula. The clinic that she had originally went to said a series of individual mistakes was the reason no one noticed that she had a spatula in her stomach. The clinic has punished the doctors responsible and will compensate the woman.
Yeah, that’s a big lawsuit. I’m truly annoyed that she walked around with a spatula in her stomach all these months. Every time she went to complain, they kept telling her, “Oh, it’s nothing.” To me, it’s like they knew but they didn’t want to admit to their mistake. What if she never went to another doctor? How long did they think she was going to walk around with a spatula in her stomach? This is precisely the reason why I don’t deal with doctors. Incompetence! And what do they mean the doctors were punished? I hope they mean FIRED.
Today’s Thought
There are two ways to slice easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. –Alfred Korzybski
Today’s History
In 1959, Fidel Castro became the premier of Cuba.
In 1968, the nation’s first 911 system was inaugurated in Alabama.
Today’s News
Huked On Phonics Werked For Me
If you have a hard time spelling and proofreading, maybe you shouldn’t consider a job where spelling is critical. The country of Chile has fired the director of its mint because he apparently has difficulty spelling the name of his own country. The director is responsible for sending thousands of coins into circulation that said CHIIE instead of CHILE. Officials state that coins with the country’s name spelled incorrectly is an embarrassment and gives the mint a bad reputation. The coins are still in circulation, and they will be honoured at their face value. Numismatists have started collecting the coins because they feel they are rare.
That’s pretty sad. You don’t know how to spell your own country’s name? There’s only FIVE letters in Chile. What if the U.S. Mint sent out coins that read United Stats of America?
Desperate Times…
A 73 year old Florida man has been arrested for robbing three banks in the Tampa area. During each bank robbery, the man managed to get $600 without using a weapon. He would enter the bank and hand the teller a note, requesting $600. Most bank policies state that the teller should give up the money in case the suspect is armed. None of the tellers knew that the man was not armed. When the man was captured, he stated that he intended to repay the money back. He said he needed the cash to pay his mortgage.
…call for desperate measures. He only asked for $600 each time he robbed the bank? At least he wasn’t greedy. He asked for just enough to pay his bills and get on with life. These days, you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m mad that he’s 73 years old though, robbing banks. Luckily, he didn’t have to make a break for it.
Having a Blast
A 62 year old Michigan man is in hospital with severe burns after he strapped a homemade rocket to his back. The man was having his annual sledding party at his home and decided to construct a rocket made of a motorcycle muffler and pipe. He was clearly inebriated when he strapped the rocket to his back and jumped on a sled. The rocket was packed with gunpowder, match heads and gasoline. He asked a friend to light the contraption and as he was sliding down a snowy embankment, the device exploded. The man has second degree burns to his face and will probably face criminal charges.
Okay, so this guy is 62 years old, obviously a grown man, not some dumb teenager (just a dumb old man). If he thought it was safe to strap gasoline, gunpowder and some match heads to his back, then let him. What criminal charges are they bringing: sheer stupidity while intoxicated? It’s lucky that no one else was injured and it’s also lucky he didn’t blow himself up. I would have paid good money to see this. I hope someone caught this on tape. I’ll be looking forward to the straight-to-Youtube release.
Can We Say Malpractice?
A Czech woman will be suing her doctor’s office after she finally discovered the cause of her stomach pain. The woman had gynecological surgery in September, but afterwards she continually complained of intense pain in her abdomen. Every time she went back to the doctor to find out what the problem was, they told her it was just minor complications of the surgery and that soon the pain would go away. The woman finally went to another doctor who discovered a foot long surgical instrument left in her stomach. The surgical instrument is approximately 12 inches in length and resembles a spatula. The clinic that she had originally went to said a series of individual mistakes was the reason no one noticed that she had a spatula in her stomach. The clinic has punished the doctors responsible and will compensate the woman.
Yeah, that’s a big lawsuit. I’m truly annoyed that she walked around with a spatula in her stomach all these months. Every time she went to complain, they kept telling her, “Oh, it’s nothing.” To me, it’s like they knew but they didn’t want to admit to their mistake. What if she never went to another doctor? How long did they think she was going to walk around with a spatula in her stomach? This is precisely the reason why I don’t deal with doctors. Incompetence! And what do they mean the doctors were punished? I hope they mean FIRED.
Today’s Thought
There are two ways to slice easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. –Alfred Korzybski
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Snowmaggedon #4: Snow To Hell
Well, here we are on day…. uhm… I don’t even know what day this is since it started snowing like it’s the Day After Tomorrow.
I got off work last Friday at 200PM and I haven’t been back since. I was prepared for a dry weekend of staying in the house with Star Trek, Ugly Betty and Law & Order marathons, but this is like day five of doing absolutely nothing.
For Snowmaggedon (the Capital Weather Gang has started naming the storms so we can keep track) I stayed home. I laid up to the Super Bowl. I was planning on a party but after three hours of non-stop shovelling Sunday morning, I called it quits. I took a hot bath and crashed on the couch for the rest of the evening. I kind of knew there wouldn’t be any work on Monday because the plow crews have a lot on their hands trying to figure out what to do with 30 inches of snow. Where are they going to put all that mess?
I kind of stopped paying attention to the weather for a few minutes because I thought it was over and then I caught a glimpse of the weather report for this week. What the hell do you mean more snow? When I came out of the house on Sunday morning after Mother Nature had stopped shaking her dandruff, I almost couldn’t believe it. It’s like a bad joke. This cannot be real. I kept waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out of a snow bank and yell “you’ve been snowed!” Hahah. And they are saying more snow? Then I assumed it was going to be like 3-5 inches, something like that. A casual snow. Snow kidding, they said 6-16 inches depending on the area. Yeah the fuck right.
Monday, I packed up shop, hit the market again and headed over to my friend SF’s house. I figured that at some point this week I would be going to work and her neighbourhood gets plowed whereas my neighbourhood doesn’t. I live at the bottom of the hill and the accumulating snow has drifted downwards, making it very dangerous for my woogie old Hyundai to navigate. Not to mention with 30 inches of snow and three cars in the driveway, there’s just way too much going on.
They cancelled work for Tuesday and Wednesday. Here it is Wednesday afternoon and we are seriously getting cabin fever. I am grateful to be over her house, with someone to talk to for a little while instead of listening to the sound of my own thoughts rattling around in my head, but this is getting to be a little much. Capital Weather Gang has named this new storm Snoverkill. Yeah, seriously. We got about 10 inches out of this, but the conditions are deplorable. High winds, downed trees, downed power lines, frigid temperatures, ice everywhere. It is definitely unsafe.
Luckily the power has stayed on and we have a few things to eat but eventually we will run out. The snow is expected to cease tonight, but cleanup on Thursday? Will I need to work tomorrow? Ugh. I will have to shovel myself out from here, then head home and shovel myself out from other there. I’m thinking about chalking up this entire week as a loss because really, what work will I get done this week if I go tomorrow or Friday? Not a goddamn thing.
But guess what? They said more snow this weekend! Weather Channel posted a 60 per cent chance of snow for Saturday through Monday. They haven’t come in with any expected totals but just the mere thought… I’m moving to Australia.
SNO… M… F… G. Snow over it.
I got off work last Friday at 200PM and I haven’t been back since. I was prepared for a dry weekend of staying in the house with Star Trek, Ugly Betty and Law & Order marathons, but this is like day five of doing absolutely nothing.
For Snowmaggedon (the Capital Weather Gang has started naming the storms so we can keep track) I stayed home. I laid up to the Super Bowl. I was planning on a party but after three hours of non-stop shovelling Sunday morning, I called it quits. I took a hot bath and crashed on the couch for the rest of the evening. I kind of knew there wouldn’t be any work on Monday because the plow crews have a lot on their hands trying to figure out what to do with 30 inches of snow. Where are they going to put all that mess?
I kind of stopped paying attention to the weather for a few minutes because I thought it was over and then I caught a glimpse of the weather report for this week. What the hell do you mean more snow? When I came out of the house on Sunday morning after Mother Nature had stopped shaking her dandruff, I almost couldn’t believe it. It’s like a bad joke. This cannot be real. I kept waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out of a snow bank and yell “you’ve been snowed!” Hahah. And they are saying more snow? Then I assumed it was going to be like 3-5 inches, something like that. A casual snow. Snow kidding, they said 6-16 inches depending on the area. Yeah the fuck right.
Monday, I packed up shop, hit the market again and headed over to my friend SF’s house. I figured that at some point this week I would be going to work and her neighbourhood gets plowed whereas my neighbourhood doesn’t. I live at the bottom of the hill and the accumulating snow has drifted downwards, making it very dangerous for my woogie old Hyundai to navigate. Not to mention with 30 inches of snow and three cars in the driveway, there’s just way too much going on.
They cancelled work for Tuesday and Wednesday. Here it is Wednesday afternoon and we are seriously getting cabin fever. I am grateful to be over her house, with someone to talk to for a little while instead of listening to the sound of my own thoughts rattling around in my head, but this is getting to be a little much. Capital Weather Gang has named this new storm Snoverkill. Yeah, seriously. We got about 10 inches out of this, but the conditions are deplorable. High winds, downed trees, downed power lines, frigid temperatures, ice everywhere. It is definitely unsafe.
Luckily the power has stayed on and we have a few things to eat but eventually we will run out. The snow is expected to cease tonight, but cleanup on Thursday? Will I need to work tomorrow? Ugh. I will have to shovel myself out from here, then head home and shovel myself out from other there. I’m thinking about chalking up this entire week as a loss because really, what work will I get done this week if I go tomorrow or Friday? Not a goddamn thing.
But guess what? They said more snow this weekend! Weather Channel posted a 60 per cent chance of snow for Saturday through Monday. They haven’t come in with any expected totals but just the mere thought… I’m moving to Australia.
SNO… M… F… G. Snow over it.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Snowmaggedon #3: Snowbound!
I got home around 3PM after running a few errands after work. I went to Blockbuster first, and didn't find anything I wanted so there was nothing to make me wait in the monstrous line that was wrapped around the store. The clerk said it had been a madhouse in the video store since the day before. Next I headed over to the bank to get the rent money and some ice cream from Baskin Robbins next door. The bank had closed early and people were very irritated to say the least. Luckily, I can get what I need from the ATM. The ice cream store was also set to close down in an hour or so. The lady told me they would close after they sold the last doughnut on the shelf. Lastly, I went to Giant. It wasn't that bad. I only went in there because I was being greedy. I had already done most of my grocery shopping two days prior.
I ate dinner and took a long nap until around 10PM, then got up to start shovelling. My steps descend into a bowl-like area that would quickly fill up if I don't take care of it. The last time I waited too long and the snow barricaded against the door and then froze, making it extremely difficult to get out of the house. I shovelled at 11PM, midnight and 130 in the morning. The snow was coming down so rapidly that it was like... what's the point, but then again, as I already explained. I got up at 7AM because my neighbours woke up like they were on their way somewhere. They seemed to be rushing around. Hate to say it, guys, but there's about 16 inches of snow on the ground and they do NOT plow my street. We're not going anywhere.
I shovelled the back steps once again and then started on making a pathway to the front of the house. That's really important because the snow fall is about waist high and then the drifts are putting the levels around my head. Seriously. I waded out to the front and stood on the quiet street for a little while. It is amazing how the earth just comes to a stand still when it's snowing like this. Very peaceful. Except for the potential danger of power outages and freezing to death, I can't imagine why people don't like this. I guess it's that fast paced world we live in. People need to feel like they can get somewhere. They want to rush around, instead of just taking this moment to enjoy it. We don't have to be at work. We don't have to rush to the bank, pay bills, run here or there. We can sit in our cosy little homes, enjoy our family, eat, sleep, chill, whatever. I enjoy these times.
Once this stuff starts melting, well, it's back to business and no more opportunities to just slow down. I feel sorry for people who feel like this is all a big inconvenience. I do realise that some people have to work no matter what. When I was enslaved at TSA, I had to get to work no matter what conditions, and even then I didn't mind it. I just got up extra early, packed a hearty lunch and took my time getting there. No rush. Let me enjoy the scenery. Plenty of time for craziness once I actually got in the building.
But now, I can truly enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer. Look how beautiful it is.
I'm done shovelling for right now. I'll go back out later on this afternoon and work on the driveway, but for now, I'm enjoying a little Enya and some pancakes. Then I'll settle in for a movie and mid-morning nap. Life don't get any better than this.
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
I ate dinner and took a long nap until around 10PM, then got up to start shovelling. My steps descend into a bowl-like area that would quickly fill up if I don't take care of it. The last time I waited too long and the snow barricaded against the door and then froze, making it extremely difficult to get out of the house. I shovelled at 11PM, midnight and 130 in the morning. The snow was coming down so rapidly that it was like... what's the point, but then again, as I already explained. I got up at 7AM because my neighbours woke up like they were on their way somewhere. They seemed to be rushing around. Hate to say it, guys, but there's about 16 inches of snow on the ground and they do NOT plow my street. We're not going anywhere.
I shovelled the back steps once again and then started on making a pathway to the front of the house. That's really important because the snow fall is about waist high and then the drifts are putting the levels around my head. Seriously. I waded out to the front and stood on the quiet street for a little while. It is amazing how the earth just comes to a stand still when it's snowing like this. Very peaceful. Except for the potential danger of power outages and freezing to death, I can't imagine why people don't like this. I guess it's that fast paced world we live in. People need to feel like they can get somewhere. They want to rush around, instead of just taking this moment to enjoy it. We don't have to be at work. We don't have to rush to the bank, pay bills, run here or there. We can sit in our cosy little homes, enjoy our family, eat, sleep, chill, whatever. I enjoy these times.
Once this stuff starts melting, well, it's back to business and no more opportunities to just slow down. I feel sorry for people who feel like this is all a big inconvenience. I do realise that some people have to work no matter what. When I was enslaved at TSA, I had to get to work no matter what conditions, and even then I didn't mind it. I just got up extra early, packed a hearty lunch and took my time getting there. No rush. Let me enjoy the scenery. Plenty of time for craziness once I actually got in the building.
But now, I can truly enjoy what Mother Nature has to offer. Look how beautiful it is.
I'm done shovelling for right now. I'll go back out later on this afternoon and work on the driveway, but for now, I'm enjoying a little Enya and some pancakes. Then I'll settle in for a movie and mid-morning nap. Life don't get any better than this.
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Snowmaggedon #2: The Futile Search
Yesterday I braved the wilds to forage for food at the local Wal-Mart only to be beaten by the ravaging pack of wolves that had been unleashed on their lunch breaks. The shelves were picked bare, leaving behind only one lone bowl of Dinty More (the soup that eats like a meal) and a few packages of Oriental flavoured Ramen noodles. I chronicled how I was humiliated beyond belief when I dared to ask the clerk if there were anymore snow shovels. He offered me a garden shovel, but he was laughing so hard that I just walked away.
When I got off work last night, I went to the dentist so I didn’t have time to skulk around the hardware stores looking for a shovel. I woke up bright and early to get in to the job and out in all possible haste. I despaired because we only have one shovel at the house, and really it just makes more sense to have two when you have multiple occupants. No way do I want to be breaking my back while someone else lords over me.
I got to work at 5AM and I immediately begin hounding all of the hardware homepages (Lowe’s, Home Depot, Ace Hardware). Lowe’s flat out tells me, “WE AIN’T GO NO MORE SHOVELS.” There website says “sold out” at all the Lowe’s within a 200 mile radius. Forget them. Home Depot doesn’t even list shovels on their page at all. Every time I tried to search, I came up with an error. Do they or do they not sell shovels? Who even knows. Ace Hardware says they have shovels, but they can’t tell them which stores are in stock. At 655, I go out to my car with all these phone numbers to stores in the area. I don’t want to waste precious time driving from one end of the city to the other looking for a shovel.
I called Ace first since they were closest. “Good morning, I have an insane question.”
“I’m sorry we are out of shovels, salt, snow blowers and anything even remotely related to winter.”
“Thank you and have a good day.”
I tried to call Home Depot but they “aren’t open” even though it is now after 7AM. Target doesn’t open until 8, so I might as well just drive down to Home Depot to waste some time and then check out Harbour Freight and Target on the way back to the job. I get to Home Depot and as I’m parking, I see several people coming out of the store with shovels. LUCK!
I rush inside the store. “Where are the shovels?”
The bored salesclerk says, “Right there.”
They didn’t even bother taking them out of their shipping boxes. They just dumped the palettes onto the floor, and it was like a free for all. Anybody would have thought they were giving away gold ingots. I grab one, but of course, I’m an idiot because I want to examine the quality of the shovel. Is it ergonomically correct? How will this fit in my hand? Let me give it a few practise digs before I take it home. As if I have other options!
Once again, there were people going completely overboard. Now, I know this is America and we’re all capitalist or whatever, and maybe we need to stimulate the economy somehow, but do you really need EIGHT shovels. Seriously. There was a woman who had eight shovels in her basket. Her husband had three in his. I’m sure they were going to sell them. I don’t believe that they were “getting them for someone else,” as the woman apologetically explained to the cashier in front of me. Yeah right.
Anyway, I’m glad I got one and it didn’t take too much effort. I head out to the car and there’s a guy parking right next to me. He sees the shovel in my hand. “I hope there’s some more,” he said desperately.
You better hurry up, buddy.
I bet they’ll be sold out of shovels by 815.
This is dedicated to Felecia who told me that Home Depot and Lowe’s gets a delivery truck every Tuesday and Thursday night.
When I got off work last night, I went to the dentist so I didn’t have time to skulk around the hardware stores looking for a shovel. I woke up bright and early to get in to the job and out in all possible haste. I despaired because we only have one shovel at the house, and really it just makes more sense to have two when you have multiple occupants. No way do I want to be breaking my back while someone else lords over me.
I got to work at 5AM and I immediately begin hounding all of the hardware homepages (Lowe’s, Home Depot, Ace Hardware). Lowe’s flat out tells me, “WE AIN’T GO NO MORE SHOVELS.” There website says “sold out” at all the Lowe’s within a 200 mile radius. Forget them. Home Depot doesn’t even list shovels on their page at all. Every time I tried to search, I came up with an error. Do they or do they not sell shovels? Who even knows. Ace Hardware says they have shovels, but they can’t tell them which stores are in stock. At 655, I go out to my car with all these phone numbers to stores in the area. I don’t want to waste precious time driving from one end of the city to the other looking for a shovel.
I called Ace first since they were closest. “Good morning, I have an insane question.”
“I’m sorry we are out of shovels, salt, snow blowers and anything even remotely related to winter.”
“Thank you and have a good day.”
I tried to call Home Depot but they “aren’t open” even though it is now after 7AM. Target doesn’t open until 8, so I might as well just drive down to Home Depot to waste some time and then check out Harbour Freight and Target on the way back to the job. I get to Home Depot and as I’m parking, I see several people coming out of the store with shovels. LUCK!
I rush inside the store. “Where are the shovels?”
The bored salesclerk says, “Right there.”
They didn’t even bother taking them out of their shipping boxes. They just dumped the palettes onto the floor, and it was like a free for all. Anybody would have thought they were giving away gold ingots. I grab one, but of course, I’m an idiot because I want to examine the quality of the shovel. Is it ergonomically correct? How will this fit in my hand? Let me give it a few practise digs before I take it home. As if I have other options!
Once again, there were people going completely overboard. Now, I know this is America and we’re all capitalist or whatever, and maybe we need to stimulate the economy somehow, but do you really need EIGHT shovels. Seriously. There was a woman who had eight shovels in her basket. Her husband had three in his. I’m sure they were going to sell them. I don’t believe that they were “getting them for someone else,” as the woman apologetically explained to the cashier in front of me. Yeah right.
Anyway, I’m glad I got one and it didn’t take too much effort. I head out to the car and there’s a guy parking right next to me. He sees the shovel in my hand. “I hope there’s some more,” he said desperately.
You better hurry up, buddy.
I bet they’ll be sold out of shovels by 815.
This is dedicated to Felecia who told me that Home Depot and Lowe’s gets a delivery truck every Tuesday and Thursday night.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Daily News February 4
Today is Thursday, February 4, 2010. It is the 35th day of the year with 330 to go.
Today’s History
In 1789, electors chose George Washington to be the first president of the United States.
In 1861, delegates from six southern states formed the Confederate States of America.
In 1974, newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army.
Today’s News
Dear Parents
“The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I’m sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child’s progress.” What if you got a letter like that from your child’s teacher? I’m sure you’d be annoyed, and some parents were, which is why an Arizona principal was suspended after he wrote this letter and accidentally sent it to the parents of his students. The principal has stated that he doesn’t hate children, but wrote the letter in response to someone else’s stupid remarks. He also did not intend to mail the letter home to parents. He has apologized to each parent individually and has also been removed from the elementary school as principal. He will be demoted and may be terminated.
I know how parents are about their kids. You can’t tell them nothing. Their child is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the whole wide world, so I know every parent was about to march up to that school and set that principal on fire. I would have done the same thing too because my kid (the one I don’t have) is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the world, but seriously, I think it’s hilarious and probably very true in some cases. Not all kids are lazy or stupid, but I would agree that a good percentage of them really are. Teachers have to be so politically correct when it comes to telling parents how little Junior is doing at school. No teacher can come out and say, “Your kid is a loser,” even when they really are. Too bad the guy might lose his job.
South African School Bus
Parents, I’m sure it’s perfectly natural to send your kids to school on a school bus. It’s highly likely that said school bus would seat at least 49 children. But what if 49 children were crammed into a 16 passenger van? What if the driver of the 16 passenger van was drunk, more than five times the legal limit? A South African minibus driver is under arrest after he was stopped at a routine traffick checkpoint. The man’s blood alcohol content was more than five times the legal limit as he transported 49 children crammed into the back of a 16 passenger van to school. The children were ages 3 to 13, sitting on top of each other in the death trap vehicle. Police say that it is common for poorer people to use rogue minibus drivers to get from one town to the next. Many of the vehicles they operate are unsafe and fatal accidents are common.
Whoa. But you know what, you can’t even fault the guy—you can, but seriously, the parents were the ones who shoved little Timmy into the back of a minivan with 48 other children. If the man was that drunk, don’t you think somebody would have noticed it? Especially since some of the children were young as three years old. Most parents walk those young children to the bus. They didn’t realize that Drunky McDrunkerson was behind the wheel? I know when you are poor you got to do what you go to do, but there’s got to be a better way. And secondly, I would like to see pictures of how he got 49 kids into a minivan. That’s like a circus act.
Not Another School Shooting
Actually, it isn’t, but a fourth grade boy from New York faces suspension after he was found with a toy gun at school. The boy had a two inch Lego action figure of a policeman and a machine gun. The principal of the school saw the miniature gun at lunchtime and confiscated it. She then contacted his parents and notified him that he would probably be suspended for violating the school’s strict no weapons policy. The parents have appealed to the school’s security administrator and they agreed that the boy should not have brought the “weapon” into school. The parents stated that another child had a Lego action figure carrying an axe, but that child was not suspended.
Everybody knows what Legos are. Everybody knows how small the little action figures are. They are less than two inches tall and the toy gun is even smaller. Look at that little thing! I can understand being strict about no weapons, but I think it is beyond ridiculous that the kid is suspended. A plastic Lego toy less than an inch long is not a threat to anybody. This is a classic example of people blindly following rules for the sake of following rules. And what about the kid with the miniature Lego axe? He should be suspended too. We don’t him giving anybody any paper cuts.
Fight Club
A fourth-grade teacher has been reassigned after it was alleged that he turned his classroom into a fighting ring. Two students, aged 9 and 10, were told to settle their dispute by fighting each other in the classroom. After one cut his lip and the other bruised his head, the teacher finally sent them to the school nurse. He told the boys to lie if they were questioned by the nurse. “Just tell her that you bumped into each other,” the boys were told. Both the teacher and his aide are being charged.
As if you didn’t have to worry about the teacher thinking your kid is a moron or the drunk bus driver or the gun-wielding Columbine kid, you now have to worry about the teacher forcing your kid to become a UFC champion. This is starting to read like a top 10 list on why you should home-school your kids.
What Goes Around May Not Come Around
A Slovenian man probably wishes he would have just let sleeping dogs lie when he decided to save three bullmastiff dogs from being put down. The dogs were alleged to have attacked other humans, but the man won a legal battle at the last moment right before their euthanisation. The dogs had seriously injured a passer-by and then later attacked a dog handler. After he brought the dogs home, they attacked and killed him before police could arrive.
I know that people are attached to their pets, but you have to let them go if they are a menace. He saved the dogs only for them to attack him and kill him. Thanks for nothing.
Pot Made Me Do It
A San Francisco man claimed it was the pot filled cookies he’d been eating that made him act like a lunatic aboard a flight to Los Angeles. The plane was diverted to Pittsburgh shortly after leaving Philadelphia because the man was unruly on the aircraft. The man went into the bathroom and started screaming, then tried to fight the crew who just wanted him to sit down. The man stated that he was high on a double dose of medical marijuana cookies at the time of the attack.
Not that I know that much about marijuana, but doesn’t it make you all calm and chill? Isn’t that way why people use it for medication in the first place, because you’re basically kind of numb and you’re just on another planet for a little while? I don’t know if I believe his story, unless his pot was laced with something else. It was a nice try though, pretending to be mentally deranged to avoid terrorism charges.
Double Coupon Day
Don’t you get annoyed when people don’t pay you back in kind? Meaning, they ask to borrow $10 and you give them a ten and they pay you back in pennies. Then they blithely say, “It’s money.” Sure, technically it is, but it’s also annoying. What if someone paid you back in COUPONS? A California judge is being admonished by a judicial committee because he ordered clients to pay their attorney in coupons for women’s clothing. The clients had sued a fashion company for invasion of privacy. As a settlement of the lawsuit the fashion company offered the clients coupons for their clothing line. The judge said, “Well, since they gave you coupons, you should pay your attorney in coupons too.” The attorney was owed $125,000. The judge has since reversed the order and has retired.
Hahaha. I wish someone would come up to me with some coupons.
Today’s Thought
Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries. –James Michener
Today’s History
In 1789, electors chose George Washington to be the first president of the United States.
In 1861, delegates from six southern states formed the Confederate States of America.
In 1974, newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army.
Today’s News
Dear Parents
“The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I’m sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child’s progress.” What if you got a letter like that from your child’s teacher? I’m sure you’d be annoyed, and some parents were, which is why an Arizona principal was suspended after he wrote this letter and accidentally sent it to the parents of his students. The principal has stated that he doesn’t hate children, but wrote the letter in response to someone else’s stupid remarks. He also did not intend to mail the letter home to parents. He has apologized to each parent individually and has also been removed from the elementary school as principal. He will be demoted and may be terminated.
I know how parents are about their kids. You can’t tell them nothing. Their child is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the whole wide world, so I know every parent was about to march up to that school and set that principal on fire. I would have done the same thing too because my kid (the one I don’t have) is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the world, but seriously, I think it’s hilarious and probably very true in some cases. Not all kids are lazy or stupid, but I would agree that a good percentage of them really are. Teachers have to be so politically correct when it comes to telling parents how little Junior is doing at school. No teacher can come out and say, “Your kid is a loser,” even when they really are. Too bad the guy might lose his job.
South African School Bus
Parents, I’m sure it’s perfectly natural to send your kids to school on a school bus. It’s highly likely that said school bus would seat at least 49 children. But what if 49 children were crammed into a 16 passenger van? What if the driver of the 16 passenger van was drunk, more than five times the legal limit? A South African minibus driver is under arrest after he was stopped at a routine traffick checkpoint. The man’s blood alcohol content was more than five times the legal limit as he transported 49 children crammed into the back of a 16 passenger van to school. The children were ages 3 to 13, sitting on top of each other in the death trap vehicle. Police say that it is common for poorer people to use rogue minibus drivers to get from one town to the next. Many of the vehicles they operate are unsafe and fatal accidents are common.
Whoa. But you know what, you can’t even fault the guy—you can, but seriously, the parents were the ones who shoved little Timmy into the back of a minivan with 48 other children. If the man was that drunk, don’t you think somebody would have noticed it? Especially since some of the children were young as three years old. Most parents walk those young children to the bus. They didn’t realize that Drunky McDrunkerson was behind the wheel? I know when you are poor you got to do what you go to do, but there’s got to be a better way. And secondly, I would like to see pictures of how he got 49 kids into a minivan. That’s like a circus act.
Not Another School Shooting
Actually, it isn’t, but a fourth grade boy from New York faces suspension after he was found with a toy gun at school. The boy had a two inch Lego action figure of a policeman and a machine gun. The principal of the school saw the miniature gun at lunchtime and confiscated it. She then contacted his parents and notified him that he would probably be suspended for violating the school’s strict no weapons policy. The parents have appealed to the school’s security administrator and they agreed that the boy should not have brought the “weapon” into school. The parents stated that another child had a Lego action figure carrying an axe, but that child was not suspended.
Everybody knows what Legos are. Everybody knows how small the little action figures are. They are less than two inches tall and the toy gun is even smaller. Look at that little thing! I can understand being strict about no weapons, but I think it is beyond ridiculous that the kid is suspended. A plastic Lego toy less than an inch long is not a threat to anybody. This is a classic example of people blindly following rules for the sake of following rules. And what about the kid with the miniature Lego axe? He should be suspended too. We don’t him giving anybody any paper cuts.
Fight Club
A fourth-grade teacher has been reassigned after it was alleged that he turned his classroom into a fighting ring. Two students, aged 9 and 10, were told to settle their dispute by fighting each other in the classroom. After one cut his lip and the other bruised his head, the teacher finally sent them to the school nurse. He told the boys to lie if they were questioned by the nurse. “Just tell her that you bumped into each other,” the boys were told. Both the teacher and his aide are being charged.
As if you didn’t have to worry about the teacher thinking your kid is a moron or the drunk bus driver or the gun-wielding Columbine kid, you now have to worry about the teacher forcing your kid to become a UFC champion. This is starting to read like a top 10 list on why you should home-school your kids.
What Goes Around May Not Come Around
A Slovenian man probably wishes he would have just let sleeping dogs lie when he decided to save three bullmastiff dogs from being put down. The dogs were alleged to have attacked other humans, but the man won a legal battle at the last moment right before their euthanisation. The dogs had seriously injured a passer-by and then later attacked a dog handler. After he brought the dogs home, they attacked and killed him before police could arrive.
I know that people are attached to their pets, but you have to let them go if they are a menace. He saved the dogs only for them to attack him and kill him. Thanks for nothing.
Pot Made Me Do It
A San Francisco man claimed it was the pot filled cookies he’d been eating that made him act like a lunatic aboard a flight to Los Angeles. The plane was diverted to Pittsburgh shortly after leaving Philadelphia because the man was unruly on the aircraft. The man went into the bathroom and started screaming, then tried to fight the crew who just wanted him to sit down. The man stated that he was high on a double dose of medical marijuana cookies at the time of the attack.
Not that I know that much about marijuana, but doesn’t it make you all calm and chill? Isn’t that way why people use it for medication in the first place, because you’re basically kind of numb and you’re just on another planet for a little while? I don’t know if I believe his story, unless his pot was laced with something else. It was a nice try though, pretending to be mentally deranged to avoid terrorism charges.
Double Coupon Day
Don’t you get annoyed when people don’t pay you back in kind? Meaning, they ask to borrow $10 and you give them a ten and they pay you back in pennies. Then they blithely say, “It’s money.” Sure, technically it is, but it’s also annoying. What if someone paid you back in COUPONS? A California judge is being admonished by a judicial committee because he ordered clients to pay their attorney in coupons for women’s clothing. The clients had sued a fashion company for invasion of privacy. As a settlement of the lawsuit the fashion company offered the clients coupons for their clothing line. The judge said, “Well, since they gave you coupons, you should pay your attorney in coupons too.” The attorney was owed $125,000. The judge has since reversed the order and has retired.
Hahaha. I wish someone would come up to me with some coupons.
Today’s Thought
Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries. –James Michener
Snowmaggedon #1 Too Fast Too Flurry
Okay, so I dipped off on my lunch break to hit the markets ahead of Snowzilla that is supposed to wallop the DC metro area. I love the snow; I love it very much. No matter how much snow we get, I never get annoyed. Yeah, we got to shovel it out and it’s all cold and it gets everywhere, and you have to drive a little slower but stuff like that doesn’t bother me. Bring it on! Let the snow begin.
Yeah, so I go to the Amish market around the way from my house. Man, it was like Saturday mornings times two! Saturday morning is the worst time to go to the market, right next to Sunday after church. The parking lot was crammed, took me about 15 minutes to find any parking space, let alone a good one. The one thing I hate about the Amish market is that you have to wait in line at each counter to get what you want. The poultry is in one line; the meat is in another; produce yet another and baked goods in still yet another line. You could be there all day long waiting in random lines to get what you wanted.
I obviously needed vegetables, but I also wanted some steaks so I could grill and I was in the mood for some Cornish hens. The produce line was mad long. They do everything by number. I get there, my number is 37. They are on 8. The poultry line: I get number 29, they are on 3. I didn’t even bother getting a line for the butcher because I drew number 75 and they were on 12. Forget that.
But that’s not what I’m complaining about. Let’s talk about how people think this is about to be 2012: The Day After Tomorrow. Since I normally do my grocery shopping on the weekend, I am winding down on what’s left in my cupboards. I also know that I will not be able to do my regular shopping because of the heavy snow. That is why I’m shopping today. I know that we are expecting upwards of two feet of snow, but I don’t think that I will be “sheltering in place” until next Christmas. Apparently, some people are under this impression. The woman in front of me bought two whole chickens, five pounds of party wings, 10 pounds of chicken legs, a few more pounds of turkey legs and six pot pies. Maybe she has an army back at home, but then she says to another lady, “I live by myself and I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
Well, you won’t starve. That’s for damn sure.
Another woman buys enough food to feed the Haitian refugees and says it’s just her and her husband at home. Do you regularly buy this much food? I didn’t ask, but it just seems kind of stupid to me. I was getting annoyed because while I was waiting I was scared they were going to run out of game hens. There were only four left and I had like 25 people in front of me. What if someone buys my hens because they think this is snomageddon or some shit?
Same thing at the produce counter. This guy bought like six bushels of potatoes. Do you have any idea how big a bushel is? Pounds and pounds of apples; mad bunches of brocolli, I’m just like okay, people, seriously… people don’t generally think of other people, and I know I don’t but it would have been annoying to me that I couldn’t get one sweet potato because grandma in front of me bought enough to feed the entire nation of Israel and half of Palestine.
At any rate, I did get the things I wanted. I couldn’t get a shovel from Wal-Mart though. I might go around to the various Home Depots in my neighbourhood to see if I can get one. I got laughed at so hard for even asking. I said to the guy, “You wouldn’t happen to have any more snow shovels, would you?” He busted out laughing and some other guy was like, “Boy, I could be rich…” and then several customers around me started laughing, including some old man who apparently got the last shovel. He was clutching it in his varicose veined hands with this evil look in his eye. “Yeah, bitch, I got your shovel.”
*rolls eyes*
At any rate, I’m very excited about the snow, but I fear we are pumping it up too much. What if we jinx it? What if we only get a few inches? What if it’s mostly sleet? I’m very concerned about this. They even named the storm. I think they are calling it “Snowmaggedon.” That’s cute. Snowzilla will have her revenge. That is cool because I will be snugged up in my house with my food, blu-ray movies and my treadmill. I will alternate between eating, working out, sleeping and watching movies; repeat and enjoy.
Yeah, so I go to the Amish market around the way from my house. Man, it was like Saturday mornings times two! Saturday morning is the worst time to go to the market, right next to Sunday after church. The parking lot was crammed, took me about 15 minutes to find any parking space, let alone a good one. The one thing I hate about the Amish market is that you have to wait in line at each counter to get what you want. The poultry is in one line; the meat is in another; produce yet another and baked goods in still yet another line. You could be there all day long waiting in random lines to get what you wanted.
I obviously needed vegetables, but I also wanted some steaks so I could grill and I was in the mood for some Cornish hens. The produce line was mad long. They do everything by number. I get there, my number is 37. They are on 8. The poultry line: I get number 29, they are on 3. I didn’t even bother getting a line for the butcher because I drew number 75 and they were on 12. Forget that.
But that’s not what I’m complaining about. Let’s talk about how people think this is about to be 2012: The Day After Tomorrow. Since I normally do my grocery shopping on the weekend, I am winding down on what’s left in my cupboards. I also know that I will not be able to do my regular shopping because of the heavy snow. That is why I’m shopping today. I know that we are expecting upwards of two feet of snow, but I don’t think that I will be “sheltering in place” until next Christmas. Apparently, some people are under this impression. The woman in front of me bought two whole chickens, five pounds of party wings, 10 pounds of chicken legs, a few more pounds of turkey legs and six pot pies. Maybe she has an army back at home, but then she says to another lady, “I live by myself and I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
Well, you won’t starve. That’s for damn sure.
Another woman buys enough food to feed the Haitian refugees and says it’s just her and her husband at home. Do you regularly buy this much food? I didn’t ask, but it just seems kind of stupid to me. I was getting annoyed because while I was waiting I was scared they were going to run out of game hens. There were only four left and I had like 25 people in front of me. What if someone buys my hens because they think this is snomageddon or some shit?
Same thing at the produce counter. This guy bought like six bushels of potatoes. Do you have any idea how big a bushel is? Pounds and pounds of apples; mad bunches of brocolli, I’m just like okay, people, seriously… people don’t generally think of other people, and I know I don’t but it would have been annoying to me that I couldn’t get one sweet potato because grandma in front of me bought enough to feed the entire nation of Israel and half of Palestine.
At any rate, I did get the things I wanted. I couldn’t get a shovel from Wal-Mart though. I might go around to the various Home Depots in my neighbourhood to see if I can get one. I got laughed at so hard for even asking. I said to the guy, “You wouldn’t happen to have any more snow shovels, would you?” He busted out laughing and some other guy was like, “Boy, I could be rich…” and then several customers around me started laughing, including some old man who apparently got the last shovel. He was clutching it in his varicose veined hands with this evil look in his eye. “Yeah, bitch, I got your shovel.”
*rolls eyes*
At any rate, I’m very excited about the snow, but I fear we are pumping it up too much. What if we jinx it? What if we only get a few inches? What if it’s mostly sleet? I’m very concerned about this. They even named the storm. I think they are calling it “Snowmaggedon.” That’s cute. Snowzilla will have her revenge. That is cool because I will be snugged up in my house with my food, blu-ray movies and my treadmill. I will alternate between eating, working out, sleeping and watching movies; repeat and enjoy.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Don't Ask Don't Tell
o the Army is trying to be all progressive and forward thinking by abolishing the ridiculous “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. If you don’t know, basically it’s like this policy that if you’re gay/bi/lesbian you shouldn’t go around blabbing it to everyone you know. The army won’t ask you your sexual preference but you aren’t supposed to tell anybody. If you’re “discovered” as being gay, you could be from your position.
When I was in Basic Training I discovered that sodomy was illegal under Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Not that I plan on doing it up the butt anytime soon, but if I wanted to, I could get thrown in jail, and so would most gay men, if that is their choice of activity. Not surprisingly, this anti-gay policy seems to be more directed at gay men then gay women.
But first of all, who really goes around announcing to the world their favoured sexual activities? I thought the whole class was quite lame and just something the drill sergeants used to embarrass us. Little did I know there were actually quite a few obviously gay people in my basic training class. Mostly because we were separated, I did notice the females right away. I don’t have any issues with gay people; they can do what they want. I just thought it was interesting. It made me wonder if they were “out” back home. Since we were miles from home, maybe this was the first chance they got to explore their sexuality. It just seemed like so many girls were gay.
When I went to AIT we were allowed to have more personality, and that’s when I started noticing the gay men. I was quite surprised to know that a gay man would be interested in joining the military. Maybe it’s because of the stereotypes that I think about when thinking of gay men. I know lots of gay men, but I still think of them as some flamboyant drag queen (even though the gay men I know are NOT like this). Why would a drag queen join the military where he would not be able to… uh… you know… be himself…. herself… whateves. But that just goes to show how much I know about the gay lifestyle. Not everybody is like how they portray in anti-gay Bible-thumper films.
A gay friend of mine said he would like to join the military because he wanted a chance to serve his country. An illness precludes him from doing so, but if he weren’t sick, he wouldn’t join under the current climate. He doesn’t want to hide who he is. No, he doesn’t prance around in high heels or wear makeup. He’s a regular guy to me, actually more macho than some straight guys I know, and he would make an excellent soldier, if it weren’t for the fact that other men would be squeamish around him. It’s sorry that ignorance motivates many of us, but it will take a long time for people to shed that cloak and come to grips with a people that really are quite normal. Being gay isn’t anything new, just in case you didn’t know.
At any rate, I’m worried about what will happen if the policy is rescinded. I want people to be as they are. I think a lot of problems in this country stem from the fact that people are forced to lie about who they are. We’ve seen it time and time again. Two guys, two chicks, whatever… hanging out, having a great time. Uh oh, one of them is gay and the other feels betrayed. Well, if you let the person be who they are in the first place, you wouldn’t feel betrayed. See how moronic it all is?
The army might want to be forward thinking but they do very little to school the “little people.” Sure at the very top, all these generals and rear admirals are like, “Yeah, gays should be in the military.” They are prepared to let the doors open willy-nilly but not prepare all the simple-minded assholes that make up the military. Everybody at the bottom level. I’m talking about PFC Bubba Smith from Kansas, who has never been out of his small town before. Basic training was the first day he ever met a black man. How do you think he feels about gays openly in the military? He’s very uncomfortable because all he has ever known is the silly crap someone has fed him his whole life.
There are so many problems at the lower levels of the military: racism, sexual harassment… it’s unbelievable. Throw open homosexuality into the mix without proper education… it’s a time bomb. And it’s sad that we have to be educated in the first place, but to not do so would be a huge mistake.
Last night on FB, someone said, “the topic is don’t ask, don’t tell.” Someone asked if there would be separate showers and sleeping quarters for gays.
Seriously.
Someone else wrote, “why would you need separate anything since they’ve been showering with you this whole time and you just didn’t know it.” Yeah, hate to tell you. I can’t imagine anybody with half a brain would think there isn’t a single gay person in the whole military just because of some lame ass policy. It just doesn’t work that way. Because they had to pretend to be someone else in an overly macho testosterone driven environment. If they get to come out and tell the world who they really are… oh Lord.
There are untold sexual assaults going on right now in theatre. Women are scared to talk because they don’t want to be seen as weak. Gay bashing will probably exceed those atrocities out there where it’s like a no man’s land. If a gay soldier gets his face kicked in by his peers, will he say anything? Maybe he doesn’t want to be seen as weak either. Maybe he doesn’t want to be driven away because maybe he feels like he has the right to be there just like anybody else.
I’m all for equality and I wish this was a different world, but wishing doesn’t make it so. I would rather people be who they really are and not who I (or the rest of the world) want them to be. But I’m more worried about people’s safety. It’s far bigger than you really understand. It’s not just the bashed, or the basher, it’s the whole unit. I have never been to war, but I know that everything must function cohesively. If we got one person over there and one person over here and some people kind of in the middle, it just doesn’t work that way. It can be very divisive in a situation where you need complete unity.
I think we should do away with the dumb policy, but I don’t know how we could accomplish it. I don’t have any faith in the military. Not like that.
When I was in Basic Training I discovered that sodomy was illegal under Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Not that I plan on doing it up the butt anytime soon, but if I wanted to, I could get thrown in jail, and so would most gay men, if that is their choice of activity. Not surprisingly, this anti-gay policy seems to be more directed at gay men then gay women.
But first of all, who really goes around announcing to the world their favoured sexual activities? I thought the whole class was quite lame and just something the drill sergeants used to embarrass us. Little did I know there were actually quite a few obviously gay people in my basic training class. Mostly because we were separated, I did notice the females right away. I don’t have any issues with gay people; they can do what they want. I just thought it was interesting. It made me wonder if they were “out” back home. Since we were miles from home, maybe this was the first chance they got to explore their sexuality. It just seemed like so many girls were gay.
When I went to AIT we were allowed to have more personality, and that’s when I started noticing the gay men. I was quite surprised to know that a gay man would be interested in joining the military. Maybe it’s because of the stereotypes that I think about when thinking of gay men. I know lots of gay men, but I still think of them as some flamboyant drag queen (even though the gay men I know are NOT like this). Why would a drag queen join the military where he would not be able to… uh… you know… be himself…. herself… whateves. But that just goes to show how much I know about the gay lifestyle. Not everybody is like how they portray in anti-gay Bible-thumper films.
A gay friend of mine said he would like to join the military because he wanted a chance to serve his country. An illness precludes him from doing so, but if he weren’t sick, he wouldn’t join under the current climate. He doesn’t want to hide who he is. No, he doesn’t prance around in high heels or wear makeup. He’s a regular guy to me, actually more macho than some straight guys I know, and he would make an excellent soldier, if it weren’t for the fact that other men would be squeamish around him. It’s sorry that ignorance motivates many of us, but it will take a long time for people to shed that cloak and come to grips with a people that really are quite normal. Being gay isn’t anything new, just in case you didn’t know.
At any rate, I’m worried about what will happen if the policy is rescinded. I want people to be as they are. I think a lot of problems in this country stem from the fact that people are forced to lie about who they are. We’ve seen it time and time again. Two guys, two chicks, whatever… hanging out, having a great time. Uh oh, one of them is gay and the other feels betrayed. Well, if you let the person be who they are in the first place, you wouldn’t feel betrayed. See how moronic it all is?
The army might want to be forward thinking but they do very little to school the “little people.” Sure at the very top, all these generals and rear admirals are like, “Yeah, gays should be in the military.” They are prepared to let the doors open willy-nilly but not prepare all the simple-minded assholes that make up the military. Everybody at the bottom level. I’m talking about PFC Bubba Smith from Kansas, who has never been out of his small town before. Basic training was the first day he ever met a black man. How do you think he feels about gays openly in the military? He’s very uncomfortable because all he has ever known is the silly crap someone has fed him his whole life.
There are so many problems at the lower levels of the military: racism, sexual harassment… it’s unbelievable. Throw open homosexuality into the mix without proper education… it’s a time bomb. And it’s sad that we have to be educated in the first place, but to not do so would be a huge mistake.
Last night on FB, someone said, “the topic is don’t ask, don’t tell.” Someone asked if there would be separate showers and sleeping quarters for gays.
Seriously.
Someone else wrote, “why would you need separate anything since they’ve been showering with you this whole time and you just didn’t know it.” Yeah, hate to tell you. I can’t imagine anybody with half a brain would think there isn’t a single gay person in the whole military just because of some lame ass policy. It just doesn’t work that way. Because they had to pretend to be someone else in an overly macho testosterone driven environment. If they get to come out and tell the world who they really are… oh Lord.
There are untold sexual assaults going on right now in theatre. Women are scared to talk because they don’t want to be seen as weak. Gay bashing will probably exceed those atrocities out there where it’s like a no man’s land. If a gay soldier gets his face kicked in by his peers, will he say anything? Maybe he doesn’t want to be seen as weak either. Maybe he doesn’t want to be driven away because maybe he feels like he has the right to be there just like anybody else.
I’m all for equality and I wish this was a different world, but wishing doesn’t make it so. I would rather people be who they really are and not who I (or the rest of the world) want them to be. But I’m more worried about people’s safety. It’s far bigger than you really understand. It’s not just the bashed, or the basher, it’s the whole unit. I have never been to war, but I know that everything must function cohesively. If we got one person over there and one person over here and some people kind of in the middle, it just doesn’t work that way. It can be very divisive in a situation where you need complete unity.
I think we should do away with the dumb policy, but I don’t know how we could accomplish it. I don’t have any faith in the military. Not like that.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Daily News February 2
Today is February 2, 2010. It is the 33rd day of the year with 332 to go. Today is Groundhog Day. It is also Candlemas.
Today’s History
In 1653, New Amsterdam (which is now New York City) was incorporated.
In 1848, the Mexican-American war ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Today’s News
Six More Weeks!
Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s meteorologist, has emerged from his cave of wonders to spot his shadow, indicating there will be six more weeks of winter. In a strange display of idiocy, thousands of people gathered in the frigid early morning hours to see what the overgrown hedgehog—I mean, groundhog (whatever), had to say about the weather. According to this ridiculous and archaic German tradition, if he sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter. If the badger—groundhog (…!) doesn’t see his shadow spring will come early. This overgrown rural rat has been predicting the weather since 1887, with only one pause during World War II.
Tell Junior to pick one and keep it moving.
If You Can’t Stand the Heat…
…get out of the truck! A Massachusetts home will be razed to the ground after a truck driver plowed into the home when he lost control of his vehicle. The driver claimed to have passed out after choking on some very hot chili. The truck slammed into the house and is lodged so tightly that authorities say the only way to remove the truck is by tearing the house down completely. The driver is in hospital with minor injuries and a woman in the home was not injured. Police have ruled out drugs and alcohol, but an investigation is on-going.
I need to understand how he was eating hot chili while he was driving in the first place. According to the article no charges have been filed, but to me this is reckless driving. I don’t know if there are any laws against eating and driving, but if you can’t eat and drive at the same time without smashing into someone’s home, then maybe you should put the chili down or just pull over. Two words: lawsuit. Okay, lawsuit is one word, but you know what I mean.
But Not in the House of the Lord
A restraining order has been taken out against a pastor in Tennessee because it is alleged that he tried to shoot his own son at church. The son said they were arguing because of his lack of attendance at church when his father pulled a weapon on him and demanded that he start attending church more often or else. The son said his father said he would kill him, his wife and the rest of the family. So far the pastor has had nothing to say about this.
Go to church or I’ll kill you? How’s that for some religious browbeating? It’s a war out there: get your butt in church or Pastor Killswitch is coming to get you.
I’m in Love with a Chicken
In this day of super technology and everyone is walking around with a video camera or a camera on their cell phone, you should be careful how you act or you might end up on YouTube. Perhaps you don’t want to be seen kissing and snuggling up with a chicken on a New York City subway. A woman and her two friends were headed uptown when they came across a man on the train getting up close and personal with a chicken. The woman said she felt compelled to video the man and his poultry. She described him as lying on the floor of the train, rolling back and forth while kissing and hugging the chicken. The man did not appear to notice that people were staring at him as if he was crazy. The transit authority is investigating because only service animals are permitted on the train, and the man was also wearing a New York Transit Authority uniform.
Well, you know, only in New York do random things like that happen. If the man wants to love his chicken, let him love his chicken. He ain’t hurting nobody, but I hope he really was a homeless man and not an employee, because he might not have a job once they identify him.
Today’s Thought
It was naïve of the 19th century optimists to expect paradise from technology—and it is equally naïve of the 20th century pessimists to make technology the scapegoat for such old shortcomings of as man’s blindness, cruelty, immaturity, greed and sinful pride. –Peter F. Drucker
Today’s History
In 1653, New Amsterdam (which is now New York City) was incorporated.
In 1848, the Mexican-American war ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Today’s News
Six More Weeks!
Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s meteorologist, has emerged from his cave of wonders to spot his shadow, indicating there will be six more weeks of winter. In a strange display of idiocy, thousands of people gathered in the frigid early morning hours to see what the overgrown hedgehog—I mean, groundhog (whatever), had to say about the weather. According to this ridiculous and archaic German tradition, if he sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter. If the badger—groundhog (…!) doesn’t see his shadow spring will come early. This overgrown rural rat has been predicting the weather since 1887, with only one pause during World War II.
And he’s only been correct 39 per cent of the time. He might be right this winter though, because they’re expecting some winter weather this weekend. Bundle up, ya’ll!
No College for Timmy
Unless little Timmy borrows from a loan shark or sells his kidney on the black market, he might not be able to afford college next year. Officials say that college tuition has increased by up to 30 per cent in some states. Florida students can expect to pay 15 per cent more. In Washington, college goers will pay up to 14 per cent more. Nine per cent additional is expected in Illinois and a whopping 30 per cent in California. The national average for college tuition at a state school is approximately $7020, and that doesn’t even include room and board. Officials also state that these increases are not just for next year, but they will increase by those amounts EVERY YEAR for the next SEVERAL years. That means tuition will be DOUBLED in some states in just five years. That means if you have eighth graders, you’d better put them to work now, or if you’re strapped for cash, here are some jobs that pay well without having a college degree: Aides supervisor ($60,652); Assembly supervisor (59,926); Assistant site manager (86,5864); Automobile service station manager (81,793); Cable supervisor (71,826); Carpenter supervisor (70,565); Chemical supervisor (67,114); Construction equipment operator (50,783); Credit and collection supervisor (61,387). (Source: Careerbuilder).
Unless little Timmy borrows from a loan shark or sells his kidney on the black market, he might not be able to afford college next year. Officials say that college tuition has increased by up to 30 per cent in some states. Florida students can expect to pay 15 per cent more. In Washington, college goers will pay up to 14 per cent more. Nine per cent additional is expected in Illinois and a whopping 30 per cent in California. The national average for college tuition at a state school is approximately $7020, and that doesn’t even include room and board. Officials also state that these increases are not just for next year, but they will increase by those amounts EVERY YEAR for the next SEVERAL years. That means tuition will be DOUBLED in some states in just five years. That means if you have eighth graders, you’d better put them to work now, or if you’re strapped for cash, here are some jobs that pay well without having a college degree: Aides supervisor ($60,652); Assembly supervisor (59,926); Assistant site manager (86,5864); Automobile service station manager (81,793); Cable supervisor (71,826); Carpenter supervisor (70,565); Chemical supervisor (67,114); Construction equipment operator (50,783); Credit and collection supervisor (61,387). (Source: Careerbuilder).
Tell Junior to pick one and keep it moving.
If You Can’t Stand the Heat…
…get out of the truck! A Massachusetts home will be razed to the ground after a truck driver plowed into the home when he lost control of his vehicle. The driver claimed to have passed out after choking on some very hot chili. The truck slammed into the house and is lodged so tightly that authorities say the only way to remove the truck is by tearing the house down completely. The driver is in hospital with minor injuries and a woman in the home was not injured. Police have ruled out drugs and alcohol, but an investigation is on-going.
I need to understand how he was eating hot chili while he was driving in the first place. According to the article no charges have been filed, but to me this is reckless driving. I don’t know if there are any laws against eating and driving, but if you can’t eat and drive at the same time without smashing into someone’s home, then maybe you should put the chili down or just pull over. Two words: lawsuit. Okay, lawsuit is one word, but you know what I mean.
But Not in the House of the Lord
A restraining order has been taken out against a pastor in Tennessee because it is alleged that he tried to shoot his own son at church. The son said they were arguing because of his lack of attendance at church when his father pulled a weapon on him and demanded that he start attending church more often or else. The son said his father said he would kill him, his wife and the rest of the family. So far the pastor has had nothing to say about this.
Go to church or I’ll kill you? How’s that for some religious browbeating? It’s a war out there: get your butt in church or Pastor Killswitch is coming to get you.
I’m in Love with a Chicken
In this day of super technology and everyone is walking around with a video camera or a camera on their cell phone, you should be careful how you act or you might end up on YouTube. Perhaps you don’t want to be seen kissing and snuggling up with a chicken on a New York City subway. A woman and her two friends were headed uptown when they came across a man on the train getting up close and personal with a chicken. The woman said she felt compelled to video the man and his poultry. She described him as lying on the floor of the train, rolling back and forth while kissing and hugging the chicken. The man did not appear to notice that people were staring at him as if he was crazy. The transit authority is investigating because only service animals are permitted on the train, and the man was also wearing a New York Transit Authority uniform.
Well, you know, only in New York do random things like that happen. If the man wants to love his chicken, let him love his chicken. He ain’t hurting nobody, but I hope he really was a homeless man and not an employee, because he might not have a job once they identify him.
Today’s Thought
It was naïve of the 19th century optimists to expect paradise from technology—and it is equally naïve of the 20th century pessimists to make technology the scapegoat for such old shortcomings of as man’s blindness, cruelty, immaturity, greed and sinful pride. –Peter F. Drucker
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Bitch Fest #7: Screw You, Weatherman
As anybody will tell you, I simply adore the snow. One of the added perks of moving into this region had to do with the weather. All my life I’ve either lived tropical or desert; four seasons and a chilly winter is a major plus to me. You know, I get so sick of people who live in this area complaining every winter when it snows.
“I hate snow.”
“Oh, my God, it’s snowing.”
“Ugh. I can’t stand the snow.”
My Facebook and Twitter pages are full of friends who don’t like the inclement weather. I’m sorry they feel that way, but I pray faithfully every winter for a major snowstorm. So far, I’ve received two this season and I hope to go for a trifecta. That one right before Christmas was really top notch. We need one more like that, and I’ll find this winter to be absolutely perfect.
For these people who do not like the fluffy stuff, I urge them to move to Yuma, AZ. It doesn’t snow there. It doesn’t rain. It doesn’t do anything but be hot 361 days out of the year. There aren’t even any clouds in the sky to offer mercy from the relentless glare of molten sun burning out your corneas and scorching your flesh. Those other four days, you might get one little whiff of cloud. You can either live there, or you can live here. Deal with it. Because all the crying isn’t going to make the snow go away, if anything, it’ll make me just pray harder so you can be even more miserable.
My only gripe with the winter weather is that people seem to become automatically incompetent the minute the flakes start falling out of the sky. The state of Maryland must be run by mildly retarded four year olds. The weathermen–I’m sorry, meteorologists, or whatever they want to call themselves must be brainless mutants incapable of reading a weather map.
Look, I’m not a scientist, meteorologist, weather person, whatever… But I think I have the basic grasp of l0oking at a weather map. I understand, if very vaguely, the North Atlantic Current and the jet stream and shit like that. (Even though my expertise comes from watching disaster movies.) I have more than a passing interest in the weather; I sometimes sit and watch Weather Channel for hours on end. When I lived in Florida, it was for hurricane tracking (I’m into that sort of thing), but since I came up here, I pay close attention to the midwest, since whatever happens out there, usually winds up over here. How come no one else has figured this out yet?
So, I have the Weather Channel desk top thingie on my computer and I look at the weather every single day before I leave the house. I scrutinise it on Sundays when I pick out my work clothes. It wouldn’t be a good idea to pick out my most capable looking outfit if they’re expecting 10 inches of snow. Why doesn’t anybody else do this? How many of my friends say, “I didn’t know it was going to rain?” Okay, the weather isn’t going anywhere, people. It’s been affecting the planet since the Big Bang–I mean, since when God created the Earth. Why don’t people take this into account? I find that to be irritating.
Anyway, so I’ve been following this major midwestern storm since earlier this week and I figured, yeah, it looks like it’s headed this way. But the weatherman said it wasn’t. Every single day the forecast changed. First it was 70% chance of snow, then it was 30%, then it went back to 70%. As of LAST NIGHT, the weatherman said 40%.
FORTY FREAKIN’ PER CENT.
When I looked at the weather map, the snow line was clearly south of me, but knowing what I know about weather… these storm systems always travel north and east. It is very rare that they should go anywhere but that direction. The jet stream carries the systems out to sea. (Didn’t you guys watch The Perfect Storm, duh!) Since the weather was south of us, it has to come up! Why didn’t anybody else figure this out? I have nothing like these people’s experiences and degrees and even I could tell we were going to get more than the “light dusting” the stupid idiotic weatherman said we were going to get. I knew it, and that’s why I took my lunch break to go and buy groceries and some movies because I figured I was going to be in the house all weekend.
When I went to bed last night, the stupid forecast still said 40%, a possible accumulation of 1 to 2 inches.
Yeah, the fuck right.
EIGHT INCHES OF GODDAMN SNOW.
Not that I”m complaining because I love the snow, I just need these morons to get it together. You mean to tell me in this great technological age of ours, we are still incapable of predicting the weather less than 24 hours out? What are all these super computers and satellites and other bullshit for, then? I didn’t ask for you to tell me what the weather would be May 15, 2029. I just want to know what the weather will be THIS FREAKIN’ WEEKEND so I could make some plans. Yes, I did go to the store because I had that feeling, but there were other things I could have done earlier if the weatherman wasn’t a class A moron.
And then after the snow started this morning at 10AM, the forecast changed about six times. I wondered originally if this was going to be the “light dusting.” At 2, it was still snowing. Yeah, light dusting, my ass. At 4, still snowing. Six o’clock, still snowing. Every time I checked the weather for the end, they kept saying, “snow until this hour…” and that hour would pass and then they’d change it again.
Yea, I know you’re going to tell me that it isn’t an accurate science, and I’m sure it isn’t, but can we be a little bit closer than we are right now?
It’s 9PM and it is STILL GODDAMN snowing. You know what the forecast is saying now?
Snow until 2AM.
Seriously?
I mean, seriously. What frustrates me about the lack of clear understanding of weather patterns is that the incompetent state in which I live cannot plan well. I’m told the roads are horrible. Why? Because the weatherman said a light dusting. Why would you need snow plows and salt for a light dusting? I mean, really.
I just felt like bitching about something because I really haven’t bitched about anything in the past couple of weeks. I actually like the snow. Since it’s Saturday, I didn’t need to be anywhere. I just know it gets on everybody else’s nerves because they hate the snow. Oh well, too bad for you.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
“I hate snow.”
“Oh, my God, it’s snowing.”
“Ugh. I can’t stand the snow.”
My Facebook and Twitter pages are full of friends who don’t like the inclement weather. I’m sorry they feel that way, but I pray faithfully every winter for a major snowstorm. So far, I’ve received two this season and I hope to go for a trifecta. That one right before Christmas was really top notch. We need one more like that, and I’ll find this winter to be absolutely perfect.
For these people who do not like the fluffy stuff, I urge them to move to Yuma, AZ. It doesn’t snow there. It doesn’t rain. It doesn’t do anything but be hot 361 days out of the year. There aren’t even any clouds in the sky to offer mercy from the relentless glare of molten sun burning out your corneas and scorching your flesh. Those other four days, you might get one little whiff of cloud. You can either live there, or you can live here. Deal with it. Because all the crying isn’t going to make the snow go away, if anything, it’ll make me just pray harder so you can be even more miserable.
My only gripe with the winter weather is that people seem to become automatically incompetent the minute the flakes start falling out of the sky. The state of Maryland must be run by mildly retarded four year olds. The weathermen–I’m sorry, meteorologists, or whatever they want to call themselves must be brainless mutants incapable of reading a weather map.
Look, I’m not a scientist, meteorologist, weather person, whatever… But I think I have the basic grasp of l0oking at a weather map. I understand, if very vaguely, the North Atlantic Current and the jet stream and shit like that. (Even though my expertise comes from watching disaster movies.) I have more than a passing interest in the weather; I sometimes sit and watch Weather Channel for hours on end. When I lived in Florida, it was for hurricane tracking (I’m into that sort of thing), but since I came up here, I pay close attention to the midwest, since whatever happens out there, usually winds up over here. How come no one else has figured this out yet?
So, I have the Weather Channel desk top thingie on my computer and I look at the weather every single day before I leave the house. I scrutinise it on Sundays when I pick out my work clothes. It wouldn’t be a good idea to pick out my most capable looking outfit if they’re expecting 10 inches of snow. Why doesn’t anybody else do this? How many of my friends say, “I didn’t know it was going to rain?” Okay, the weather isn’t going anywhere, people. It’s been affecting the planet since the Big Bang–I mean, since when God created the Earth. Why don’t people take this into account? I find that to be irritating.
Anyway, so I’ve been following this major midwestern storm since earlier this week and I figured, yeah, it looks like it’s headed this way. But the weatherman said it wasn’t. Every single day the forecast changed. First it was 70% chance of snow, then it was 30%, then it went back to 70%. As of LAST NIGHT, the weatherman said 40%.
FORTY FREAKIN’ PER CENT.
When I looked at the weather map, the snow line was clearly south of me, but knowing what I know about weather… these storm systems always travel north and east. It is very rare that they should go anywhere but that direction. The jet stream carries the systems out to sea. (Didn’t you guys watch The Perfect Storm, duh!) Since the weather was south of us, it has to come up! Why didn’t anybody else figure this out? I have nothing like these people’s experiences and degrees and even I could tell we were going to get more than the “light dusting” the stupid idiotic weatherman said we were going to get. I knew it, and that’s why I took my lunch break to go and buy groceries and some movies because I figured I was going to be in the house all weekend.
When I went to bed last night, the stupid forecast still said 40%, a possible accumulation of 1 to 2 inches.
Yeah, the fuck right.
EIGHT INCHES OF GODDAMN SNOW.
Not that I”m complaining because I love the snow, I just need these morons to get it together. You mean to tell me in this great technological age of ours, we are still incapable of predicting the weather less than 24 hours out? What are all these super computers and satellites and other bullshit for, then? I didn’t ask for you to tell me what the weather would be May 15, 2029. I just want to know what the weather will be THIS FREAKIN’ WEEKEND so I could make some plans. Yes, I did go to the store because I had that feeling, but there were other things I could have done earlier if the weatherman wasn’t a class A moron.
And then after the snow started this morning at 10AM, the forecast changed about six times. I wondered originally if this was going to be the “light dusting.” At 2, it was still snowing. Yeah, light dusting, my ass. At 4, still snowing. Six o’clock, still snowing. Every time I checked the weather for the end, they kept saying, “snow until this hour…” and that hour would pass and then they’d change it again.
Yea, I know you’re going to tell me that it isn’t an accurate science, and I’m sure it isn’t, but can we be a little bit closer than we are right now?
It’s 9PM and it is STILL GODDAMN snowing. You know what the forecast is saying now?
Snow until 2AM.
Seriously?
I mean, seriously. What frustrates me about the lack of clear understanding of weather patterns is that the incompetent state in which I live cannot plan well. I’m told the roads are horrible. Why? Because the weatherman said a light dusting. Why would you need snow plows and salt for a light dusting? I mean, really.
I just felt like bitching about something because I really haven’t bitched about anything in the past couple of weeks. I actually like the snow. Since it’s Saturday, I didn’t need to be anywhere. I just know it gets on everybody else’s nerves because they hate the snow. Oh well, too bad for you.
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Cubicle Death #10
Lately, I've been a lot more chummy at work than I normally am. Having my learned my lesson from working on the plantation--I mean, TSA, I have since taken a very "Swiss approach" to things. I sit in the corner, pretending I don't exist whilst proclaiming to be very neutral about everything. I try hard not to make friends or enemies. I just don't want to talk to anybody. I don't even want anybody to know my name.
This was kind of difficult at First Job After TSA because it was customer-service oriented. Second Job After TSA was easier to be unnoticeable. Third Job After TSA I didn't even start warming up to my co-workers until two weeks before I qut. Now, I'm six months into the job at Fourth Job After TSA, and I'm finally starting to learn some of my co-workers' names.
In my last Cubicle Death blog, I introduced you to some of my stranger co-workers. These guys are gads smarter than I'll ever be, but their personalities leaves much to be desired, as it does with most people of singular intelligence. Not to say they're assholes or anything like that, they're just... weird.
Creepy Stare At You From Over the Cubicle Wall Guy has been flirting with me in this bizarre manner. Never mind the fact that he's about 25 years older than me, but he also hints that he's gay. If he is gay, then why does he turn on the Super Wal-Mart Salesman Charm every time I see him? Then he lingers by my desk when I'm actually trying to work. He tells me repeatedly that I'm his hero and he wants to be like me when he grows up. Uhm, okay? Today, he showed up at my desk with a Lean Cuisine and asked me if I was going out to lunch. When I told him I didn't eat out to lunch on Fridays because I always have dinner out instead, he walked away a little bit disgruntled, but came back to my desk six more times trying to convince me that it would be a great day to have Thai food. I handed him the menu but he was like, "I wanted to go out to eat." I may go out and buy food a lot, but I don't actually sit in the restaurant when I order out to lunch. The only time I ever do that is with SF and this 6'4 knock-kneed, gap-toothed behemoth doesn't look anything like she does.
I guess I'm kind of cranky today because I didn't get to have my early morning nap. On days that I come to work early, I have myself a 15 minute power nap at my desk just to get charged up for the work day. The guys in my office like to come in late. Most of them don't arrive until 9. There's only one guy who beats me into the office, Mr. I Have A Body Function Control Problem. Seriously, this guy cannot control his bodily functions. First, he breathes like he's drowning. He sucks in his breath, holds it, and then lets it out in this great big whoosh and then sucks the air back up like he's been in outer space without a space suit. And he does this quite rhythmically. For breakfast he has several pieces of fruit: some pears, an apple and a few bananas, all of which he slurps and smacks up. I think he eats too fast because about 15 minutes later he'll start belching and farting.
Seriously.
And they aren't delicate belches. It's like BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRPPPPPPP! and then he'll pass gas at the same time and then say "excuse me," like he's surprised it came out, yet he does it almost every morning! What is wrong with you! That is the reason I couldn't have a nap because his rhapsody of bodily functions was particularly loud this morning. And then just when I was getting settled down, here comes I Like the Sound of My Own Voice and I'll Just Shout Down the Telephone So Everyone Can Hear How Poorly I Speak Guy.
Oh, my God, seriously. It is insane. The other day I was in a meeting with this guy and he had to give a presentation. He really likes listening to himself speak but he doesn't actually speak very well. He has a lot of "uhm....," "ehh," and "you know..." and then he's the type to laugh as if he's said something horribly funny, but it isn't a full laugh, it's more like a stifled chuckle like he's bemused at his own lack of intelligence. This guy comes into the office a little earlier than he normally does and he makes a phone call. At that hour of the morning, around 745, there's only me and Body Functions Guy. I Love My Own Voice calls up his colleague and has this unnecessarily loud telephone conversation for about 45 minutes. But the crazy thing is as more and more people started coming into the office, his voice actually got quieter. I'm thinking to myself, there were two people in this office who were working in relative quiet for the past hour (despite the punctuation of farts and burps) , don't you think we would appreciate the continued silence!? Thanks.
I'm also getting to know Strange Foreign Man Who Has Poor Command of English. I guess he's bored or something, and he's been wandering around the office staring over people's shoulders as they work. He started talking to me the other day; and it's really quit sad because I can't understand a word he's saying. I just smile and nod and hope he'll go away. Yesterday he told me that if he were president he wouldn't allow anybody to own guns. Then he said he would bomb all of Afghanistan so he could kill the bad guys. When I asked him about the good people, the innocent children that would be in the way, he said, "Oh, yeah... Uh, I don't know."
Yeah....
We started talking about politics and stuff because the conversation had taken a very heavy toll yesterday. We started talking about funerals and final wishes. I went to a funeral yesterday and it seemed kind of... I don't know. Anyway, I said that before we all die we should make sure that our final wishes are granted. My immediate co-worker Mr Personality So Funny Ha-Ha said that when he died he wanted his stomach turned into a mint bowl. He also wouldn't mind having a bowl of chips and dip placed in his hand. He said his would be the only funeral where the attendees would receive bats and they could take turns beating the corpse after the eulogy, just to get out any frustration. After the beating of the corpse, he would be wrapped in Saran and shot out of a canon.
These are the people I work with.
This was kind of difficult at First Job After TSA because it was customer-service oriented. Second Job After TSA was easier to be unnoticeable. Third Job After TSA I didn't even start warming up to my co-workers until two weeks before I qut. Now, I'm six months into the job at Fourth Job After TSA, and I'm finally starting to learn some of my co-workers' names.
In my last Cubicle Death blog, I introduced you to some of my stranger co-workers. These guys are gads smarter than I'll ever be, but their personalities leaves much to be desired, as it does with most people of singular intelligence. Not to say they're assholes or anything like that, they're just... weird.
Creepy Stare At You From Over the Cubicle Wall Guy has been flirting with me in this bizarre manner. Never mind the fact that he's about 25 years older than me, but he also hints that he's gay. If he is gay, then why does he turn on the Super Wal-Mart Salesman Charm every time I see him? Then he lingers by my desk when I'm actually trying to work. He tells me repeatedly that I'm his hero and he wants to be like me when he grows up. Uhm, okay? Today, he showed up at my desk with a Lean Cuisine and asked me if I was going out to lunch. When I told him I didn't eat out to lunch on Fridays because I always have dinner out instead, he walked away a little bit disgruntled, but came back to my desk six more times trying to convince me that it would be a great day to have Thai food. I handed him the menu but he was like, "I wanted to go out to eat." I may go out and buy food a lot, but I don't actually sit in the restaurant when I order out to lunch. The only time I ever do that is with SF and this 6'4 knock-kneed, gap-toothed behemoth doesn't look anything like she does.
I guess I'm kind of cranky today because I didn't get to have my early morning nap. On days that I come to work early, I have myself a 15 minute power nap at my desk just to get charged up for the work day. The guys in my office like to come in late. Most of them don't arrive until 9. There's only one guy who beats me into the office, Mr. I Have A Body Function Control Problem. Seriously, this guy cannot control his bodily functions. First, he breathes like he's drowning. He sucks in his breath, holds it, and then lets it out in this great big whoosh and then sucks the air back up like he's been in outer space without a space suit. And he does this quite rhythmically. For breakfast he has several pieces of fruit: some pears, an apple and a few bananas, all of which he slurps and smacks up. I think he eats too fast because about 15 minutes later he'll start belching and farting.
Seriously.
And they aren't delicate belches. It's like BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRPPPPPPP! and then he'll pass gas at the same time and then say "excuse me," like he's surprised it came out, yet he does it almost every morning! What is wrong with you! That is the reason I couldn't have a nap because his rhapsody of bodily functions was particularly loud this morning. And then just when I was getting settled down, here comes I Like the Sound of My Own Voice and I'll Just Shout Down the Telephone So Everyone Can Hear How Poorly I Speak Guy.
Oh, my God, seriously. It is insane. The other day I was in a meeting with this guy and he had to give a presentation. He really likes listening to himself speak but he doesn't actually speak very well. He has a lot of "uhm....," "ehh," and "you know..." and then he's the type to laugh as if he's said something horribly funny, but it isn't a full laugh, it's more like a stifled chuckle like he's bemused at his own lack of intelligence. This guy comes into the office a little earlier than he normally does and he makes a phone call. At that hour of the morning, around 745, there's only me and Body Functions Guy. I Love My Own Voice calls up his colleague and has this unnecessarily loud telephone conversation for about 45 minutes. But the crazy thing is as more and more people started coming into the office, his voice actually got quieter. I'm thinking to myself, there were two people in this office who were working in relative quiet for the past hour (despite the punctuation of farts and burps) , don't you think we would appreciate the continued silence!? Thanks.
I'm also getting to know Strange Foreign Man Who Has Poor Command of English. I guess he's bored or something, and he's been wandering around the office staring over people's shoulders as they work. He started talking to me the other day; and it's really quit sad because I can't understand a word he's saying. I just smile and nod and hope he'll go away. Yesterday he told me that if he were president he wouldn't allow anybody to own guns. Then he said he would bomb all of Afghanistan so he could kill the bad guys. When I asked him about the good people, the innocent children that would be in the way, he said, "Oh, yeah... Uh, I don't know."
Yeah....
We started talking about politics and stuff because the conversation had taken a very heavy toll yesterday. We started talking about funerals and final wishes. I went to a funeral yesterday and it seemed kind of... I don't know. Anyway, I said that before we all die we should make sure that our final wishes are granted. My immediate co-worker Mr Personality So Funny Ha-Ha said that when he died he wanted his stomach turned into a mint bowl. He also wouldn't mind having a bowl of chips and dip placed in his hand. He said his would be the only funeral where the attendees would receive bats and they could take turns beating the corpse after the eulogy, just to get out any frustration. After the beating of the corpse, he would be wrapped in Saran and shot out of a canon.
These are the people I work with.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Adventures at the Dentist
Yesterday, I was forced to attend the dentist because my orthodontist decided that I needed to have four teeth extracted in order to continue my treatment. Originally, she wanted me to have this "simple surgery" as she described it. When I went in for the initial orthodontic consultation, she told me that this surgery was "nothing at all" just an expansion of my jaw since it is too small to fit all of my adult teeth. "It's really no problem," she said in such a blase offhand manner.
When I went to the oral surgeon, however, he described a most horrible procedure that involved putting me into a coma and spending a night or two in the hospital. He also stated that because of the agonising pain I would be in, I wouldn't be able to work for at least a week. Since I have never had any surgery before, I am not keen into rushing into one. In addition, I don't fancy using my vacation time to be laid up in debilitating pain. No thanks. I thanked the oral surgeon for his time, and promptly let my orthodontist know that I was not interested. She was quite miffed, to say the least. She said, "Fine, you'll have to get your teet pulled." I've had my wisdom teeth removed and I know what I'm working with. With some invasive surgery, I don't know about that.
Anyway, I went to the dentist yesterday to get these teeth yanked out. I was under the impression that I would be able to get all four of them removed at once but he stared at me as if I were crazy. "Oh, no, it will be too much," he said, aghast. Fine. I'll just do two. Even that seemed like it would be considerable, according to his expression, but I don't want to have to come back week after week, getting teeth snatched out of my head. It's going to be painful regardless; there's nothing for it but to just have done with it.
So, he sticks me in the mouth with all the appropriate numbing medicines and while I'm sitting there, slowly losing the feeling in the left side of my face, there is another patient across the wall from me. The dentist is now consulting with him. The man is complaining about a small ache in his mouth, but otherwise "has had no problem."
"I can even eat nuts and steak," the man said.
"Sir, I'm sorry but there's really nothing that can be done. I am going to have to remove several teeth," said the dentist.
The man asks, "How many?"
"Offhand, I would say at least 10 or 12. You have seriously advanced gum disease. We're going to need to do something about that before we can proceed."
"Can't you just scrape some stuff off?"
"Oh, we are going to do an extensive amount of scraping, but some of these teeth... once I begin the deep scaling, they're going to fall apart because they've been seriously damaged. I would not allow this to continue or else you'll risk a major infection and possibly lose all of your teeth."
The man just did not want to hear that. Apparently this is his second or third trip to a dentist, and each dentist has given him the same bad news. I guess he's under the impression that they are all lying to him to get his money. Like they want to yank out 1o or 12 teeth for fun. I could see them fibbing for one or two, since it costs $200 per tooth, but 10? That's a stretch. Plus, this guy needed "deep scaling" and some other procedure to kill the gum disease that was basically rotting his mouth. And after all of that, he was going to need a set of dentures to replace the teeth he would be losing.
The man just did not want dentures. He said, "Dentures? I'm not old. I don't want that."
"Well, sir, you're going to have at least 10 teeth removed. Will you just leave those gaps then? Most of the bottom will have to come out. You will not be able to chew."
"Do I really have to get all those teeth removed?"
"Yes, possibly more, once I really study your x-rays."
"I might go back to that other dentist. He said only six teeth."
"When did you see that dentist?"
"Last year."
"That's why it's only six. The more you procrastinate getting this done, the more and more teeth will have to come out. I suggest that whoever you go to, you start your treatment immediately."
"Well, I'm definitely not getting anything done now. I was thinking mid to late summer."
"Sir, by mid to late summer, you probaby will not have any teeth to save."
Why is this guy being so hardheaded! I was sitting there with absolutely no feeling in my face, drooling down my chin and laughing my ass off. This guy has teeth that look like 20,000 leagues under the sea. That is why his teeth are rotting out. He probably was one of those kids that argued with his mother about brushing his teeth, and now look at him. The guy was probably in his mid-40s and he has to have TEN teeth snatched from his head and deep scaling. What is that? I'm scared to even know. I'm getting teeth pulled because my face is too small to fit everything, not because they're rotten. Ugh.
LMAO.
I need people to brush their teeth. That is all. Thank you.
When I went to the oral surgeon, however, he described a most horrible procedure that involved putting me into a coma and spending a night or two in the hospital. He also stated that because of the agonising pain I would be in, I wouldn't be able to work for at least a week. Since I have never had any surgery before, I am not keen into rushing into one. In addition, I don't fancy using my vacation time to be laid up in debilitating pain. No thanks. I thanked the oral surgeon for his time, and promptly let my orthodontist know that I was not interested. She was quite miffed, to say the least. She said, "Fine, you'll have to get your teet pulled." I've had my wisdom teeth removed and I know what I'm working with. With some invasive surgery, I don't know about that.
Anyway, I went to the dentist yesterday to get these teeth yanked out. I was under the impression that I would be able to get all four of them removed at once but he stared at me as if I were crazy. "Oh, no, it will be too much," he said, aghast. Fine. I'll just do two. Even that seemed like it would be considerable, according to his expression, but I don't want to have to come back week after week, getting teeth snatched out of my head. It's going to be painful regardless; there's nothing for it but to just have done with it.
So, he sticks me in the mouth with all the appropriate numbing medicines and while I'm sitting there, slowly losing the feeling in the left side of my face, there is another patient across the wall from me. The dentist is now consulting with him. The man is complaining about a small ache in his mouth, but otherwise "has had no problem."
"I can even eat nuts and steak," the man said.
"Sir, I'm sorry but there's really nothing that can be done. I am going to have to remove several teeth," said the dentist.
The man asks, "How many?"
"Offhand, I would say at least 10 or 12. You have seriously advanced gum disease. We're going to need to do something about that before we can proceed."
"Can't you just scrape some stuff off?"
"Oh, we are going to do an extensive amount of scraping, but some of these teeth... once I begin the deep scaling, they're going to fall apart because they've been seriously damaged. I would not allow this to continue or else you'll risk a major infection and possibly lose all of your teeth."
The man just did not want to hear that. Apparently this is his second or third trip to a dentist, and each dentist has given him the same bad news. I guess he's under the impression that they are all lying to him to get his money. Like they want to yank out 1o or 12 teeth for fun. I could see them fibbing for one or two, since it costs $200 per tooth, but 10? That's a stretch. Plus, this guy needed "deep scaling" and some other procedure to kill the gum disease that was basically rotting his mouth. And after all of that, he was going to need a set of dentures to replace the teeth he would be losing.
The man just did not want dentures. He said, "Dentures? I'm not old. I don't want that."
"Well, sir, you're going to have at least 10 teeth removed. Will you just leave those gaps then? Most of the bottom will have to come out. You will not be able to chew."
"Do I really have to get all those teeth removed?"
"Yes, possibly more, once I really study your x-rays."
"I might go back to that other dentist. He said only six teeth."
"When did you see that dentist?"
"Last year."
"That's why it's only six. The more you procrastinate getting this done, the more and more teeth will have to come out. I suggest that whoever you go to, you start your treatment immediately."
"Well, I'm definitely not getting anything done now. I was thinking mid to late summer."
"Sir, by mid to late summer, you probaby will not have any teeth to save."
Why is this guy being so hardheaded! I was sitting there with absolutely no feeling in my face, drooling down my chin and laughing my ass off. This guy has teeth that look like 20,000 leagues under the sea. That is why his teeth are rotting out. He probably was one of those kids that argued with his mother about brushing his teeth, and now look at him. The guy was probably in his mid-40s and he has to have TEN teeth snatched from his head and deep scaling. What is that? I'm scared to even know. I'm getting teeth pulled because my face is too small to fit everything, not because they're rotten. Ugh.
LMAO.
I need people to brush their teeth. That is all. Thank you.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Afronista Rants #8: Black Folk Don't Tip!
When I was in my early twenties, I worked in an upscale hotel that had a pretty nice restaurant. I was officially the room service operator, but I ended up doing double duty as a hostess in the restaurant, as well as a server. One day I served a group of well-dressed black men. By overhearing (ear-hustling) their conversation, I would assume they were doctors, or something medicinal. Of course, it is only an assumption, but they seemed to be quite well-versed. They seemed to be much more than just some random guys talking about cancer and pharmaceuticals. Anyway, they ordered a pretty lavish lunch. They had several drinks from the bar, appetisers, salads, soups, main courses, and two of the guys had dessert. In the end, their bill came up to approximately $250. One man paid for the entire meal on his MasterCard.
The tip he left: $0.
Perhaps my service left much to be desired. I don't know. We were not particularly busy so I was able to give them as much attention as they needed. I brought their food promptly; I ran back to the kitchen a several times for steak sauce, hot sauce, ranch dressing, whatever, and it didn't take me two years to do it. I figured that I would get the standard 10%, no more, no less than what is deserved. I was SERIOUSLY annoyed that I got absolutely nothing.
When I went into the back, I told my co-workers, "Those cheap ass bastards didn't even leave a tip!" Billy, my white co-worker laughed and said, "No offense, but black people don't tip."
Uhm, I beg your pardon? I'm too broke to eat out much, but when I do, I tip and my parents are restaurant freaks and they always tip. What do you mean black people don't tip?
Steve, the Asian guy said, "Yeah, they never leave a tip. That's why I hate serving them. You bust your ass for nothing."
Determined to prove them wrong, I decided that every time a black person tipped me, I was going to rub it in their faces. So I really started paying attention, and I also upped my game to make sure that it wasn't my fault that I didn't get a tip. I slapped some Vaseline on my teeth and smiled till my face cracked. If I had to run from the kitchen to the floor with their food balanced on my head to ensure they got the hottest food possible, I would do it. Anything they could possibly desire, I would make sure that my customers got it.
Hah. He was right, hardly any of my black customers tipped me. The ones who did "tip" me merely rounded up their bills to even number. A $9.96 bill meant that I got four cents tip. Whoopee! By contrast, my white customers always tipped. Some were quite cheap, yes. A few times I got precisely ONE DOLLAR. One old white lady gave me two quarters with a big smile like she was doing me a favour. Gee, thanks. But for the most part, I got something. I noticed that Asians tipped quite well. We used to fight over who would serve the Asians that came into the restaurant. We were all broke college kids, okay? We had to do what we had to do.
Anyway, fast forward to my mid-20s. I can now afford to eat out more, better quality of restaurants too. I had just moved to Baltimore. A group of us, mostly black, went out to the club and decided to hit up an all-night diner afterwards. The diner had a strict "no check splitting" policy. There was about 10 of us. We kept the waiter busy with our annoying demands, mine included. "Can I get more hot sauce?" "Is it possible that you could put the gravy on the side?" "My fries are cold." "Can I get more ketchup?" I don't like my food to touch so I always ask for separate plates for everything. I am sure we got a heavy dosage of "special sauce" that night because it was really quite over the top.
When the bill came, it was in the 200s. First, we got into a fight trying to figure out who ordered what. I took control of the check and went around the table: Candace had pasta; Mike had chicken; Tonya had the burger... After figuring out who had what, I simply divided the tax by 10 instead of trying to calculate five percent by everybody's order. Too annoying. Because our party was larger than six, the gratuity was already added. That's where the fight broke out.
Candace had a pasta dish that was $10.99. When I told her $15.00, she shrieked, "Why do I have to pay $4 extra?" Uhm, cuz you have to tip him. "I don't want to." Too bad. It's on the bill. Then they started crying about being forced to tip someone who had basically been our slave for the past two hours. None of my black friends wanted to tip the waiter (who was also black). I thought it was exceptionally rude, and if the restaurant had been able to split the bill, I would have paid for my food, tipped him privately and walked off.
Instead, we sat there for another 30 minutes, screaming at each other about why they had to tip and why they didn't want to tip. To make it easier, I just divided the automatic gratuity by 10. It came out so that we were going to tip the guy about $2 each. Everybody ordered dinner, except one person who had dessert. And even that one person didn't even mind adding on $2 to her $6 dessert.
We did eventually come to some sort of conclusion, but some of us left the table looking at each other with that eye, you know... the side eye. I decided, "this is a group of people I will not eat out with again." I don't like it when people don't tip. A lesson I was taught as a kid, "If you can't afford to tip you can't afford to do whatever it is that requires tipping." I was taught to tip ALL service people: waiters/waitresses, bell hops, taxi drivers, beauticians, barbers, your tattoo artist, and the chick that waxes your bikini line, everyone that is doing you a service.
I came across an article just now, Does Race Play a Role in the Way We Tip? According to this study, I suppose it does. There are a lot of reasons cited why black people don't tip: not having enough money, not knowing the proper custom, etc. There was also some evidence in a bit of racism when black people enter a restaurant; nobody wants to serve them because they are notorious for not tipping. The person who did the study, whom I understood to be black, stated that she has never been treated poorly when in the company of her white friends and associates, but if it's an all black group, then the service becomes terrible. Presumably, because they are black and were automatically discounted to be shitty tippers. Since they probably won't tip, let's just treat them like crap. Who cares?
We do know that on the whole blacks make less, have less disposable income. That doesn't mean that they should never eat out to a restaurant; it just means they should hold off eating out until they can afford EVERYTHING, because tipping is apart of the American culture, and it's not something you do when you get exceptional service. In case you didn't know, 10% is the minimum you should tip. If your server gives you basic service, the basic tip is 10%. You give them more if they are exceptional. If they suck so bad that you don't want to give them a tip, you should report them because they deserve being disciplined.
It's not right that we have a stigma of not tipping, but hate to say it, if you don't tip and the whole population is generally seen as a group of people that don't tip, the only way to get rid of that, is to change the culture of our race. START TIPPING. Once again, if you can't afford to tip, then you can't afford whatever it is that requires tipping.
And let's not be cheap like the whites. Yes, they tip, but $1 for a $90 meal is a slap in the face and I'd rather not get a tip at all if that's the case. When I went out of town recently, the girl I went with told me that she didn't know how important tipping was until a few years ago. A teacher of hers had to let her know that it was important if you wanted to continue to receive exceptional service from someone. The teacher gave her some money so she could tip the service person. However, when we were out of town, I noticed that her tips were quite miserly. I'm not saying we need to break the bank. I'm also not saying we need to reward bad behaviour on the part of service personnel, but these people are doing you a service. If they do a good job, and not just a good job, but an excellent job, they deserve to be rewarded.
Candace from the diner disaster earlier said, "Why should I tip them? I didn't force them to be a waiter."
No, you didn't, but you did force the guy to run back into the kitchen THREE times because you needed more ketchup, mayonnaise, and ranch dressing. Then she complained that her food was cold because she wouldn't eat it because she didn't have enough ketchup. "That's his job," Candace said rudely. There's almost nothing you can say to that; it's that blatant stubborn idiotic streak I find in some black people that I just can't go up against.
That night in the diner, I paid $25 for everything, even though I only got a $6 egg sandwich and a $6 dessert. Not only was I exceptionally fussy, but the table was rude to the waiter (and he wasn't rude back to us) and he deserved it. I felt like I had to make up for their bad behaviour. When I went out of town, I put into my budget how much money I would need for tips: the cab driver, all the restaurants I would be eating in, the bellhop who carries my luggage to the room, even the maid (which most people always forget or ignore), a little something for the concierge guys who give me the dibs on all the local happenings. I tip based on how much I spend, how fussy I am and the quality of the service. I expect basic and good service, but when I get exceptional service (like the patisserie who made me my own dessert in Vegas), you will get an exceptional tip. I gave that woman $10 tip even though the dessert was only $5. I was SOOO pleased that she offered to make me anything I wanted, then it took me about 8 minutes just to figure out what I did want, and she brought it back very quickly. That was the best $15 ice cream sundae hot chocolate fudge caramel pecan brownie thingie I ever had in my life. Worth every penny.
I think the biggest reason black people don't tip is that they didn't know they needed to do so. In the article, one woman mentions that nobody ever told her, just like my friend. Secondly, some of us just don't have the funds for it. So here's the remedy. Teach your children why we tip, how to tip, when to tip, and if you can't afford to tip, then you can't afford whatever it is that requires tipping.
The tip he left: $0.
Perhaps my service left much to be desired. I don't know. We were not particularly busy so I was able to give them as much attention as they needed. I brought their food promptly; I ran back to the kitchen a several times for steak sauce, hot sauce, ranch dressing, whatever, and it didn't take me two years to do it. I figured that I would get the standard 10%, no more, no less than what is deserved. I was SERIOUSLY annoyed that I got absolutely nothing.
When I went into the back, I told my co-workers, "Those cheap ass bastards didn't even leave a tip!" Billy, my white co-worker laughed and said, "No offense, but black people don't tip."
Uhm, I beg your pardon? I'm too broke to eat out much, but when I do, I tip and my parents are restaurant freaks and they always tip. What do you mean black people don't tip?
Steve, the Asian guy said, "Yeah, they never leave a tip. That's why I hate serving them. You bust your ass for nothing."
Determined to prove them wrong, I decided that every time a black person tipped me, I was going to rub it in their faces. So I really started paying attention, and I also upped my game to make sure that it wasn't my fault that I didn't get a tip. I slapped some Vaseline on my teeth and smiled till my face cracked. If I had to run from the kitchen to the floor with their food balanced on my head to ensure they got the hottest food possible, I would do it. Anything they could possibly desire, I would make sure that my customers got it.
Hah. He was right, hardly any of my black customers tipped me. The ones who did "tip" me merely rounded up their bills to even number. A $9.96 bill meant that I got four cents tip. Whoopee! By contrast, my white customers always tipped. Some were quite cheap, yes. A few times I got precisely ONE DOLLAR. One old white lady gave me two quarters with a big smile like she was doing me a favour. Gee, thanks. But for the most part, I got something. I noticed that Asians tipped quite well. We used to fight over who would serve the Asians that came into the restaurant. We were all broke college kids, okay? We had to do what we had to do.
Anyway, fast forward to my mid-20s. I can now afford to eat out more, better quality of restaurants too. I had just moved to Baltimore. A group of us, mostly black, went out to the club and decided to hit up an all-night diner afterwards. The diner had a strict "no check splitting" policy. There was about 10 of us. We kept the waiter busy with our annoying demands, mine included. "Can I get more hot sauce?" "Is it possible that you could put the gravy on the side?" "My fries are cold." "Can I get more ketchup?" I don't like my food to touch so I always ask for separate plates for everything. I am sure we got a heavy dosage of "special sauce" that night because it was really quite over the top.
When the bill came, it was in the 200s. First, we got into a fight trying to figure out who ordered what. I took control of the check and went around the table: Candace had pasta; Mike had chicken; Tonya had the burger... After figuring out who had what, I simply divided the tax by 10 instead of trying to calculate five percent by everybody's order. Too annoying. Because our party was larger than six, the gratuity was already added. That's where the fight broke out.
Candace had a pasta dish that was $10.99. When I told her $15.00, she shrieked, "Why do I have to pay $4 extra?" Uhm, cuz you have to tip him. "I don't want to." Too bad. It's on the bill. Then they started crying about being forced to tip someone who had basically been our slave for the past two hours. None of my black friends wanted to tip the waiter (who was also black). I thought it was exceptionally rude, and if the restaurant had been able to split the bill, I would have paid for my food, tipped him privately and walked off.
Instead, we sat there for another 30 minutes, screaming at each other about why they had to tip and why they didn't want to tip. To make it easier, I just divided the automatic gratuity by 10. It came out so that we were going to tip the guy about $2 each. Everybody ordered dinner, except one person who had dessert. And even that one person didn't even mind adding on $2 to her $6 dessert.
We did eventually come to some sort of conclusion, but some of us left the table looking at each other with that eye, you know... the side eye. I decided, "this is a group of people I will not eat out with again." I don't like it when people don't tip. A lesson I was taught as a kid, "If you can't afford to tip you can't afford to do whatever it is that requires tipping." I was taught to tip ALL service people: waiters/waitresses, bell hops, taxi drivers, beauticians, barbers, your tattoo artist, and the chick that waxes your bikini line, everyone that is doing you a service.
I came across an article just now, Does Race Play a Role in the Way We Tip? According to this study, I suppose it does. There are a lot of reasons cited why black people don't tip: not having enough money, not knowing the proper custom, etc. There was also some evidence in a bit of racism when black people enter a restaurant; nobody wants to serve them because they are notorious for not tipping. The person who did the study, whom I understood to be black, stated that she has never been treated poorly when in the company of her white friends and associates, but if it's an all black group, then the service becomes terrible. Presumably, because they are black and were automatically discounted to be shitty tippers. Since they probably won't tip, let's just treat them like crap. Who cares?
We do know that on the whole blacks make less, have less disposable income. That doesn't mean that they should never eat out to a restaurant; it just means they should hold off eating out until they can afford EVERYTHING, because tipping is apart of the American culture, and it's not something you do when you get exceptional service. In case you didn't know, 10% is the minimum you should tip. If your server gives you basic service, the basic tip is 10%. You give them more if they are exceptional. If they suck so bad that you don't want to give them a tip, you should report them because they deserve being disciplined.
It's not right that we have a stigma of not tipping, but hate to say it, if you don't tip and the whole population is generally seen as a group of people that don't tip, the only way to get rid of that, is to change the culture of our race. START TIPPING. Once again, if you can't afford to tip, then you can't afford whatever it is that requires tipping.
And let's not be cheap like the whites. Yes, they tip, but $1 for a $90 meal is a slap in the face and I'd rather not get a tip at all if that's the case. When I went out of town recently, the girl I went with told me that she didn't know how important tipping was until a few years ago. A teacher of hers had to let her know that it was important if you wanted to continue to receive exceptional service from someone. The teacher gave her some money so she could tip the service person. However, when we were out of town, I noticed that her tips were quite miserly. I'm not saying we need to break the bank. I'm also not saying we need to reward bad behaviour on the part of service personnel, but these people are doing you a service. If they do a good job, and not just a good job, but an excellent job, they deserve to be rewarded.
Candace from the diner disaster earlier said, "Why should I tip them? I didn't force them to be a waiter."
No, you didn't, but you did force the guy to run back into the kitchen THREE times because you needed more ketchup, mayonnaise, and ranch dressing. Then she complained that her food was cold because she wouldn't eat it because she didn't have enough ketchup. "That's his job," Candace said rudely. There's almost nothing you can say to that; it's that blatant stubborn idiotic streak I find in some black people that I just can't go up against.
That night in the diner, I paid $25 for everything, even though I only got a $6 egg sandwich and a $6 dessert. Not only was I exceptionally fussy, but the table was rude to the waiter (and he wasn't rude back to us) and he deserved it. I felt like I had to make up for their bad behaviour. When I went out of town, I put into my budget how much money I would need for tips: the cab driver, all the restaurants I would be eating in, the bellhop who carries my luggage to the room, even the maid (which most people always forget or ignore), a little something for the concierge guys who give me the dibs on all the local happenings. I tip based on how much I spend, how fussy I am and the quality of the service. I expect basic and good service, but when I get exceptional service (like the patisserie who made me my own dessert in Vegas), you will get an exceptional tip. I gave that woman $10 tip even though the dessert was only $5. I was SOOO pleased that she offered to make me anything I wanted, then it took me about 8 minutes just to figure out what I did want, and she brought it back very quickly. That was the best $15 ice cream sundae hot chocolate fudge caramel pecan brownie thingie I ever had in my life. Worth every penny.
I think the biggest reason black people don't tip is that they didn't know they needed to do so. In the article, one woman mentions that nobody ever told her, just like my friend. Secondly, some of us just don't have the funds for it. So here's the remedy. Teach your children why we tip, how to tip, when to tip, and if you can't afford to tip, then you can't afford whatever it is that requires tipping.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
The Idiot Learns To Read #1: The List
A few years ago, I was in Columbia Mall in the Borders bookstore, and like most bookstores, it’s all set up by genre and whatnot. You know, like all the sci-fi over here and the romances over there, and self help in the corner, and children’s books in the back. They had one wall where they had all the classics. By classics, I mean all those books you were supposed to read in high school, the books that were on summer reading lists, stuff you should have before you went to college. I really liked that wall. There were a few books that I suffered through, but then there were so many I had yet to read. I decided that I was going to work my way through that wall.
I never did. I didn’t even start with book one. Back then I was heavily into the romance genre, and I still am, but I couldn’t see myself putting down a light-hearted useless book to pick up some serious intellectual reading. Reading is supposed to be relaxing, a way to unwind and to escape to some fantasy land. Who wants to do school type reading?
Maybe it’s because I’m getting on in years (hahaha) but suddenly I have that same desire to go back and read all the books I should have read, and re-read the books I did but didn’t do proper justice. I did read a lot of Shakespeare, but I also did quite a bit of Cliff’s Notes just trying to cram in time for an exam. Some books I gave up on because they escaped me: Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. Maybe now I’m of the right mindset to understand them.
I have comprised a list of 62 novels/books/collected works/poetry/whatever considered to be classic. I know that I might have left something important off the list, but I didn’t want to spend a year trying to compile the perfect list. If I’ve forgotten something, let me know and when I come back for part two, I’ll be sure to scoop it up. I figure I’m going to be having a lot of time on my hands very soon, and what better way to while away the hours than between the pages of a good book.
Although I’m probably wasting my breath, but if anybody wants to join me in this journey, let us do this together. We can read the same book and discuss what we love/hate about it. Even though I’m into movie watching and all that, I feel like our society is slowly degrading because nobody seems to read anymore. I do not mean the classics, necessarily, just anything. It is amazing to me how many people out there that don’t read at all. Anything, not even a comic book.
I am greatly disturbed by people who do not read and write well. How do you get on in life?
Anyway, here’s my list. Naturally, I will be blogging my life away, commenting on everything. They say the best way to become a good writer is to become a good reader. Let’s learn how to read together.
1984 by George Orwell
Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Antigone by Sophocles
Arabian Nights by Antony Galland
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
Colour Purple by Alice Walker
Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Crucible by Arthur Miller
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
Dracula by Bram Stoker
Emma by Jane Austen
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
Iliad by Homer
Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
King Lear by William Shakespeare
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Lord of the Rings (the trilogy) by J.R.R. Tolkien
M. Butterfly by David Henry Hwang
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Madame Bovary Gustave Flaubert
Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Hall
My Antonia by Willa Cather
Night by Elie Wiesel
Odyssey by Homer
Oedipus Rex by Sophocles
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
Othello by William Shakespeare
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw
Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Stranger by Albert Camus
Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams
Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Tartuffe by Moliere
Tempest by William Shakespeare
Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas
Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Turn of the Screw by Henry James
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
I never did. I didn’t even start with book one. Back then I was heavily into the romance genre, and I still am, but I couldn’t see myself putting down a light-hearted useless book to pick up some serious intellectual reading. Reading is supposed to be relaxing, a way to unwind and to escape to some fantasy land. Who wants to do school type reading?
Maybe it’s because I’m getting on in years (hahaha) but suddenly I have that same desire to go back and read all the books I should have read, and re-read the books I did but didn’t do proper justice. I did read a lot of Shakespeare, but I also did quite a bit of Cliff’s Notes just trying to cram in time for an exam. Some books I gave up on because they escaped me: Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged and Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. Maybe now I’m of the right mindset to understand them.
I have comprised a list of 62 novels/books/collected works/poetry/whatever considered to be classic. I know that I might have left something important off the list, but I didn’t want to spend a year trying to compile the perfect list. If I’ve forgotten something, let me know and when I come back for part two, I’ll be sure to scoop it up. I figure I’m going to be having a lot of time on my hands very soon, and what better way to while away the hours than between the pages of a good book.
Although I’m probably wasting my breath, but if anybody wants to join me in this journey, let us do this together. We can read the same book and discuss what we love/hate about it. Even though I’m into movie watching and all that, I feel like our society is slowly degrading because nobody seems to read anymore. I do not mean the classics, necessarily, just anything. It is amazing to me how many people out there that don’t read at all. Anything, not even a comic book.
I am greatly disturbed by people who do not read and write well. How do you get on in life?
Anyway, here’s my list. Naturally, I will be blogging my life away, commenting on everything. They say the best way to become a good writer is to become a good reader. Let’s learn how to read together.
1984 by George Orwell
Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
Antigone by Sophocles
Arabian Nights by Antony Galland
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
Colour Purple by Alice Walker
Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Crucible by Arthur Miller
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
Dracula by Bram Stoker
Emma by Jane Austen
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo
Iliad by Homer
Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
King Lear by William Shakespeare
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Lord of the Rings (the trilogy) by J.R.R. Tolkien
M. Butterfly by David Henry Hwang
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
Madame Bovary Gustave Flaubert
Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Hall
My Antonia by Willa Cather
Night by Elie Wiesel
Odyssey by Homer
Oedipus Rex by Sophocles
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens
Othello by William Shakespeare
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw
Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Stranger by Albert Camus
Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams
Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Tartuffe by Moliere
Tempest by William Shakespeare
Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas
Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Turn of the Screw by Henry James
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Daily News January 26
Today is Tuesday, January 26, 2010. It is the 26th day of the year with 339 to go.
Today’s History
In 1837, Michigan became the 26th state.
In 2009, Nadya “Octomom” Suleyman gave birth to the world’s longest surviving set of octuplets.
Today’s News
Brain in a Bag
A New Mexico family is suing a funeral home, claiming their mother’s brain was sent home along with the rest of her personal effects. The family says it smelled a foul odour coming from the box which arrived from the funeral home after their mother’s burial. When they opened the box, they found some of her belongings along with the brain. The funeral home claims they are not the ones responsible for the mishap. The woman had died in a car crash in Utah back in September. Whoever handled the body in Utah is responsible, says the New Mexico funeral parlour.
Wow. New Mexico or Utah, does it really matter? How can you accidentally put a human brain in a box along with a wallet, car keys, jewellery, and other items you might find on the body of an accident victim? Who just picks up a soggy piece of grey matter throw it into a box? That is gross. I don’t think it was an accident; I think it was someone being nasty.
Joke’s On You!
A Transportation Security Officer has been fired after he decided to play a practical joke on a college student returning to school after the holidays. The girl’s bags had just gone through the X-ray when the TSO told her that he had to check her bags. After going through her laptop case, he pulled out a small baggie with white powder in it and demanded to know where she got the powder from. The passenger had never seen the baggie before and suddenly wondered if someone had tampered with her bag, either a drug dealer or a terrorist. The girl began crying, pleading that she did not know how the baggie got into her luggage. Then the TSO started laughing, claiming that the bag was his. He told her that he was helping to train co-workers on how to detect contraband. The passenger reported him and TSA states the employee has been disciplined and is no longer employed with the Agency.
Hah! What would you do if they opened up your bag because they found something that you honestly did not put in your bag? We used to get that line all the time, “I have no idea how that got in there,” or “this isn’t even my bag,” but in this case, it was true for her. She probably thought she was about to get waterboarded. Poor thing.
Now That’s Customer Service
Hate getting into a cold bed? Worried that an electric blanket might catch fire? Well, why don’t you hire a human bed warmer to put some heat in those sheets before you get in? Holiday Inn Hotels in Great Britain are offering such a service for anybody who is interested. If you want your bed to be warmed up, the hotel chain will have an employee lay in your bed to warm it up. The employee will be fully dressed in some kind of suit that covers him head to foot, but it was not immediately known if the employee would be required to shower first.
Wow, well, that is certainly bizarre. I’m not sure I’d want some random stranger laying in the bed directly before I got into it. I also don’t like how they don’t know whether the employee would be required to shower first. Who would want to get in bed behind some hot and funky? What if the employee “behaves improperly” in the bed—you know what I mean…. Uhm, I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer.
Ass of 2010
Two high school seniors were suspended after their silly prank cost the school several hundred dollars. The class of 2010 was grouped together for a photo with several students wearing t-shirts that would have spelled out CLASS OF 2010. When the picture was about to taken, the students wearing the shirts “C” and “L” disappeared, leaving behind “Ass of 2010.” Nobody realized what happened until after the photos were ordered. The students wearing the shirts that spelled CLASS were all fined and “C” and “L” were suspended. The money they were fined was used to re-touch the photos.
That’s pretty hilarious. They’re high school seniors. What do you expect?
Video Games Don’t Kill People
An Italian man is recovering in hospital after his son stabbed him in the neck with a 15 inch kitchen knife. The two had been arguing over a Playstation game. Father and son were playing a game of FIFA 2009, a soccer game, when the father offered his son friendly advice on how to improve the boy’s game. The son apparently took exception to the advice and began an altercation with his father. Seeing how his son was acting, the father turned the game off and the kid, who is 16, ran into the kitchen, got a knife and stabbed his father in the neck. Then the kid took the knife back to the kitchen, cleaned it and put it out to dry, all while his mother was standing there, staring at him as if he had gone mad. When the police came to arrest him, he did not resist. The game was a present for his 16th birthday just a few days before. His mother said he was obsessed, and they had gotten the soccer game because they didn’t want him to have violent games.
Apparently he doesn’t need any video games if he’s getting that worked up over a computerized soccer match. If it’s that serious over FIFA, imagine what a lunatic he’d turn out to be if they let him play Grand Theft.
Today’s Thought
As long as men are free to ask what they must, free to say what they think, free to think what they will, freedom can never be lost, and science can never regress. ~J. Robert Oppenheimer
Today’s History
In 1837, Michigan became the 26th state.
In 2009, Nadya “Octomom” Suleyman gave birth to the world’s longest surviving set of octuplets.
Today’s News
Brain in a Bag
A New Mexico family is suing a funeral home, claiming their mother’s brain was sent home along with the rest of her personal effects. The family says it smelled a foul odour coming from the box which arrived from the funeral home after their mother’s burial. When they opened the box, they found some of her belongings along with the brain. The funeral home claims they are not the ones responsible for the mishap. The woman had died in a car crash in Utah back in September. Whoever handled the body in Utah is responsible, says the New Mexico funeral parlour.
Wow. New Mexico or Utah, does it really matter? How can you accidentally put a human brain in a box along with a wallet, car keys, jewellery, and other items you might find on the body of an accident victim? Who just picks up a soggy piece of grey matter throw it into a box? That is gross. I don’t think it was an accident; I think it was someone being nasty.
Joke’s On You!
A Transportation Security Officer has been fired after he decided to play a practical joke on a college student returning to school after the holidays. The girl’s bags had just gone through the X-ray when the TSO told her that he had to check her bags. After going through her laptop case, he pulled out a small baggie with white powder in it and demanded to know where she got the powder from. The passenger had never seen the baggie before and suddenly wondered if someone had tampered with her bag, either a drug dealer or a terrorist. The girl began crying, pleading that she did not know how the baggie got into her luggage. Then the TSO started laughing, claiming that the bag was his. He told her that he was helping to train co-workers on how to detect contraband. The passenger reported him and TSA states the employee has been disciplined and is no longer employed with the Agency.
Hah! What would you do if they opened up your bag because they found something that you honestly did not put in your bag? We used to get that line all the time, “I have no idea how that got in there,” or “this isn’t even my bag,” but in this case, it was true for her. She probably thought she was about to get waterboarded. Poor thing.
Now That’s Customer Service
Hate getting into a cold bed? Worried that an electric blanket might catch fire? Well, why don’t you hire a human bed warmer to put some heat in those sheets before you get in? Holiday Inn Hotels in Great Britain are offering such a service for anybody who is interested. If you want your bed to be warmed up, the hotel chain will have an employee lay in your bed to warm it up. The employee will be fully dressed in some kind of suit that covers him head to foot, but it was not immediately known if the employee would be required to shower first.
Wow, well, that is certainly bizarre. I’m not sure I’d want some random stranger laying in the bed directly before I got into it. I also don’t like how they don’t know whether the employee would be required to shower first. Who would want to get in bed behind some hot and funky? What if the employee “behaves improperly” in the bed—you know what I mean…. Uhm, I’ll pass, but thanks for the offer.
Ass of 2010
Two high school seniors were suspended after their silly prank cost the school several hundred dollars. The class of 2010 was grouped together for a photo with several students wearing t-shirts that would have spelled out CLASS OF 2010. When the picture was about to taken, the students wearing the shirts “C” and “L” disappeared, leaving behind “Ass of 2010.” Nobody realized what happened until after the photos were ordered. The students wearing the shirts that spelled CLASS were all fined and “C” and “L” were suspended. The money they were fined was used to re-touch the photos.
That’s pretty hilarious. They’re high school seniors. What do you expect?
Video Games Don’t Kill People
An Italian man is recovering in hospital after his son stabbed him in the neck with a 15 inch kitchen knife. The two had been arguing over a Playstation game. Father and son were playing a game of FIFA 2009, a soccer game, when the father offered his son friendly advice on how to improve the boy’s game. The son apparently took exception to the advice and began an altercation with his father. Seeing how his son was acting, the father turned the game off and the kid, who is 16, ran into the kitchen, got a knife and stabbed his father in the neck. Then the kid took the knife back to the kitchen, cleaned it and put it out to dry, all while his mother was standing there, staring at him as if he had gone mad. When the police came to arrest him, he did not resist. The game was a present for his 16th birthday just a few days before. His mother said he was obsessed, and they had gotten the soccer game because they didn’t want him to have violent games.
Apparently he doesn’t need any video games if he’s getting that worked up over a computerized soccer match. If it’s that serious over FIFA, imagine what a lunatic he’d turn out to be if they let him play Grand Theft.
Today’s Thought
As long as men are free to ask what they must, free to say what they think, free to think what they will, freedom can never be lost, and science can never regress. ~J. Robert Oppenheimer
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