Snowmaggedon #1 Too Fast Too Flurry

Okay, so I dipped off on my lunch break to hit the markets ahead of Snowzilla that is supposed to wallop the DC metro area. I love the snow; I love it very much. No matter how much snow we get, I never get annoyed. Yeah, we got to shovel it out and it’s all cold and it gets everywhere, and you have to drive a little slower but stuff like that doesn’t bother me. Bring it on! Let the snow begin.

Yeah, so I go to the Amish market around the way from my house. Man, it was like Saturday mornings times two! Saturday morning is the worst time to go to the market, right next to Sunday after church. The parking lot was crammed, took me about 15 minutes to find any parking space, let alone a good one. The one thing I hate about the Amish market is that you have to wait in line at each counter to get what you want. The poultry is in one line; the meat is in another; produce yet another and baked goods in still yet another line. You could be there all day long waiting in random lines to get what you wanted.

I obviously needed vegetables, but I also wanted some steaks so I could grill and I was in the mood for some Cornish hens. The produce line was mad long. They do everything by number. I get there, my number is 37. They are on 8. The poultry line: I get number 29, they are on 3. I didn’t even bother getting a line for the butcher because I drew number 75 and they were on 12. Forget that.

But that’s not what I’m complaining about. Let’s talk about how people think this is about to be 2012: The Day After Tomorrow. Since I normally do my grocery shopping on the weekend, I am winding down on what’s left in my cupboards. I also know that I will not be able to do my regular shopping because of the heavy snow. That is why I’m shopping today. I know that we are expecting upwards of two feet of snow, but I don’t think that I will be “sheltering in place” until next Christmas. Apparently, some people are under this impression. The woman in front of me bought two whole chickens, five pounds of party wings, 10 pounds of chicken legs, a few more pounds of turkey legs and six pot pies. Maybe she has an army back at home, but then she says to another lady, “I live by myself and I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Well, you won’t starve. That’s for damn sure.

Another woman buys enough food to feed the Haitian refugees and says it’s just her and her husband at home. Do you regularly buy this much food? I didn’t ask, but it just seems kind of stupid to me. I was getting annoyed because while I was waiting I was scared they were going to run out of game hens. There were only four left and I had like 25 people in front of me. What if someone buys my hens because they think this is snomageddon or some shit?

Same thing at the produce counter. This guy bought like six bushels of potatoes. Do you have any idea how big a bushel is? Pounds and pounds of apples; mad bunches of brocolli, I’m just like okay, people, seriously… people don’t generally think of other people, and I know I don’t but it would have been annoying to me that I couldn’t get one sweet potato because grandma in front of me bought enough to feed the entire nation of Israel and half of Palestine.

At any rate, I did get the things I wanted. I couldn’t get a shovel from Wal-Mart though. I might go around to the various Home Depots in my neighbourhood to see if I can get one. I got laughed at so hard for even asking. I said to the guy, “You wouldn’t happen to have any more snow shovels, would you?” He busted out laughing and some other guy was like, “Boy, I could be rich…” and then several customers around me started laughing, including some old man who apparently got the last shovel. He was clutching it in his varicose veined hands with this evil look in his eye. “Yeah, bitch, I got your shovel.”

*rolls eyes*

At any rate, I’m very excited about the snow, but I fear we are pumping it up too much. What if we jinx it? What if we only get a few inches? What if it’s mostly sleet? I’m very concerned about this. They even named the storm. I think they are calling it “Snowmaggedon.” That’s cute. Snowzilla will have her revenge. That is cool because I will be snugged up in my house with my food, blu-ray movies and my treadmill. I will alternate between eating, working out, sleeping and watching movies; repeat and enjoy.