Daily News: October 6th

Today is October 6th. It is the 279th day of the year with 86 to go.

Today’s History

In 1981, Egyptian President Anwar Sadat was shot to death in a military parade.

In 2004, an arms inspector in Iraq determined Saddam Hussein did not

produce weapons of mass destruction after 1991.

Today’s News

It’s What’s For Dinner, Part 2

A Canadian man is recovering in hospital after he was mauled by a 2

year old Siberian tiger. He and another man broke into a zoo at 1

a.m. and climbed into the tiger cage where he was attacked. The cage

is surrounded by an eight foot fence topped with barbed wire. The

tiger hooked him with a claw and dragged him against the inner fence.

The man’s injuries are life threatening.

Once again, what motivates people? The police may charge the man with
breaking and entering, so in addition to being nearly eaten by a
tiger, you now have a criminal record. This is after the two boys
were killed by the tiger at the San Francisco zoo after they taunted
the tiger that escaped. This is after the woman who climbed into the
polar bear tank and was nearly mauled to death (yeah, they aren’t as
cute as you thought they were). In case you didn't know, Siberian
tigers are not to be trifled with. They are the largest cat species
in the world, weighing up to 670 pounds and measuring more than 11
feet in length. Not only are they big as hell, but they like to play
with you. They will lie in wait for up to two hours before they jump
on you and eat you. People, it's what's for dinner.

Let’s Just Go To a Driving School

A Maryland man is recovering in hospital after a minivan crashed

through his apartment and landed on the bed he was lying in. Another

man was trying to teach a friend how to drive when the friend lost

control of the wheel. They were driving on Good Luck Road in Lanham

when the accident happened. The driver was an illegal immigrant and

the person who was supposedly teaching him how to drive did not have a

license. Both are charged with reckless endangerment.

Okay, if you don’t have a license, do you really think you should be
teaching someone else how to drive? Yeah, I know there are a lot of
unlicensed drivers out there that do know how to drive, but what are
you going to do when your “student” does something dumb, like, oh
let’s just say, crash a van through an apartment! Can you imagine,
you’re just lying in bed, hugged up with your boo, when BLAM! A damn
minivan comes barrelling through the wall and hops into bed with you.

No, Seriously, This is Perfectly Safe

An Alabama woman is being charged with endangering the welfare of a

child after she let her kid ride on top of the family van in a

cardboard box. Police received reports from witnesses saying they

just saw a kid riding down the street in a box on top of a van. The

woman told police that the box was too big to fit in the van and the

daughter was inside the box to weigh it down so it wouldn’t blow away.

She felt it was perfectly safe since the box was secured by a clothes

hanger. The girl was not injured and is now in the care of relatives.

And I’m wrong because I think people should pass a test in order to
have children. What on earth would make you think that this is a
perfectly reasonable activity? Yes, let’s put the kid in a box on TOP
of a moving vehicle going at least 55 miles an hour down a highway.
Oh, no, it was secured by a clothes hanger. A hanger? Have you ever
tried to put a heavy coat on a hanger and that thing just bends or
snaps in half? The report said state highway, so I’m assuming a road
like 295. That’s a state highway. I can imagine all sorts of
horrors: an accident, the box falling off into an oncoming car, this
supposedly secure hanger snapping in half and flinging the girl into
the trees. I need to understand her thought process. Actually, I
also need to understand why the girl was like okay. She’s 13. Trust
me, if I told the kid to get in a box on top of the car while I rode
up the street, he would look at me like I’m crazy. He would be like,
"Why don't you get in the box, and I'll drive."

Best Places To Live

The United Nations has completed its report on the best places to live

according to human development standards. Here are the top 10:

Norway, Australia, Iceland, Canada, Ireland, Netherlands, Sweden,

France and Switzerland. The worst places to live: Guinea-Bissau,

Burundi, Chad, Congo, Burkina Faso, Mali, Central African Republic,

Sierra Leone, Afghanistan and Niger. The United States is no. 13.

The criteria are based on life expectancy, literacy rates, school

enrolment and economy. Previously, Afghanistan was so bad that it

wasn’t even on the list until this year.

Dang. And I was totally just about to move to Sierra Leone. The
roving band of child soldiers brainwashed to murder, rape and pillage
across the country wasn’t a deterring factor at all.

Forget the Apple, Bring TP instead

Some students in Ireland are being asked to forget about an apple for

the teacher, instead, they should bring their own roll of toilet

paper. The school’s budget is sorely depleted and administrators say

this move will help the school cut costs and save money. Half of the

students showed up to class with their own butt wipes, but the other

half didn’t. Their families are already struggling to pay schoolbooks

(which don’t come with the price of education) and the uniforms

required to send the kiddies to school.

Next they will ask the students to bring their own desks and chairs,
since damn near everything else is student-provided. After that,
parents will be asked to pay a portion of the teachers’ salaries. Oh
wait, we already do, in the form of taxes. I was appalled when the
kid came home with his school supply list and half of the “supplies”
were things for the teacher. I swear I saw a Macbook on the list.
Yeah, I don’t think so.

Today’s Thought

There are plenty of fools in the world; but if they had not been sent

for some wise purpose, they wouldn't have been here; and since they

are here they have as good a right to have elbow-room in the world as

the wisest. — Susan Edmonstone Ferrier