Showing posts with label weird news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weird news. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Daily News February 16

Today is Shrove Tuesday, February 16, 2010. It is the 47th day of the year with 318 to go.

Today’s History

In 1959, Fidel Castro became the premier of Cuba.
In 1968, the nation’s first 911 system was inaugurated in Alabama.

Today’s News

Huked On Phonics Werked For Me
If you have a hard time spelling and proofreading, maybe you shouldn’t consider a job where spelling is critical. The country of Chile has fired the director of its mint because he apparently has difficulty spelling the name of his own country. The director is responsible for sending thousands of coins into circulation that said CHIIE instead of CHILE. Officials state that coins with the country’s name spelled incorrectly is an embarrassment and gives the mint a bad reputation. The coins are still in circulation, and they will be honoured at their face value. Numismatists have started collecting the coins because they feel they are rare.

That’s pretty sad. You don’t know how to spell your own country’s name? There’s only FIVE letters in Chile. What if the U.S. Mint sent out coins that read United Stats of America?

Desperate Times…
A 73 year old Florida man has been arrested for robbing three banks in the Tampa area. During each bank robbery, the man managed to get $600 without using a weapon. He would enter the bank and hand the teller a note, requesting $600. Most bank policies state that the teller should give up the money in case the suspect is armed. None of the tellers knew that the man was not armed. When the man was captured, he stated that he intended to repay the money back. He said he needed the cash to pay his mortgage.

…call for desperate measures. He only asked for $600 each time he robbed the bank? At least he wasn’t greedy. He asked for just enough to pay his bills and get on with life. These days, you gotta do what you gotta do. I’m mad that he’s 73 years old though, robbing banks. Luckily, he didn’t have to make a break for it.

Having a Blast
A 62 year old Michigan man is in hospital with severe burns after he strapped a homemade rocket to his back. The man was having his annual sledding party at his home and decided to construct a rocket made of a motorcycle muffler and pipe. He was clearly inebriated when he strapped the rocket to his back and jumped on a sled. The rocket was packed with gunpowder, match heads and gasoline. He asked a friend to light the contraption and as he was sliding down a snowy embankment, the device exploded. The man has second degree burns to his face and will probably face criminal charges.

Okay, so this guy is 62 years old, obviously a grown man, not some dumb teenager (just a dumb old man). If he thought it was safe to strap gasoline, gunpowder and some match heads to his back, then let him. What criminal charges are they bringing: sheer stupidity while intoxicated? It’s lucky that no one else was injured and it’s also lucky he didn’t blow himself up. I would have paid good money to see this. I hope someone caught this on tape. I’ll be looking forward to the straight-to-Youtube release.

Can We Say Malpractice?
A Czech woman will be suing her doctor’s office after she finally discovered the cause of her stomach pain. The woman had gynecological surgery in September, but afterwards she continually complained of intense pain in her abdomen. Every time she went back to the doctor to find out what the problem was, they told her it was just minor complications of the surgery and that soon the pain would go away. The woman finally went to another doctor who discovered a foot long surgical instrument left in her stomach. The surgical instrument is approximately 12 inches in length and resembles a spatula. The clinic that she had originally went to said a series of individual mistakes was the reason no one noticed that she had a spatula in her stomach. The clinic has punished the doctors responsible and will compensate the woman.

Yeah, that’s a big lawsuit. I’m truly annoyed that she walked around with a spatula in her stomach all these months. Every time she went to complain, they kept telling her, “Oh, it’s nothing.” To me, it’s like they knew but they didn’t want to admit to their mistake. What if she never went to another doctor? How long did they think she was going to walk around with a spatula in her stomach? This is precisely the reason why I don’t deal with doctors. Incompetence! And what do they mean the doctors were punished? I hope they mean FIRED.

Today’s Thought

There are two ways to slice easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. –Alfred Korzybski

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Daily News February 4

Today is Thursday, February 4, 2010. It is the 35th day of the year with 330 to go.

Today’s History

In 1789, electors chose George Washington to be the first president of the United States.
In 1861, delegates from six southern states formed the Confederate States of America.
In 1974, newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army.

Today’s News

Dear Parents
“The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I’m sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child’s progress.” What if you got a letter like that from your child’s teacher? I’m sure you’d be annoyed, and some parents were, which is why an Arizona principal was suspended after he wrote this letter and accidentally sent it to the parents of his students. The principal has stated that he doesn’t hate children, but wrote the letter in response to someone else’s stupid remarks. He also did not intend to mail the letter home to parents. He has apologized to each parent individually and has also been removed from the elementary school as principal. He will be demoted and may be terminated.

I know how parents are about their kids. You can’t tell them nothing. Their child is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the whole wide world, so I know every parent was about to march up to that school and set that principal on fire. I would have done the same thing too because my kid (the one I don’t have) is the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, most everything kid in the world, but seriously, I think it’s hilarious and probably very true in some cases. Not all kids are lazy or stupid, but I would agree that a good percentage of them really are. Teachers have to be so politically correct when it comes to telling parents how little Junior is doing at school. No teacher can come out and say, “Your kid is a loser,” even when they really are. Too bad the guy might lose his job.

South African School Bus
Parents, I’m sure it’s perfectly natural to send your kids to school on a school bus. It’s highly likely that said school bus would seat at least 49 children. But what if 49 children were crammed into a 16 passenger van? What if the driver of the 16 passenger van was drunk, more than five times the legal limit? A South African minibus driver is under arrest after he was stopped at a routine traffick checkpoint. The man’s blood alcohol content was more than five times the legal limit as he transported 49 children crammed into the back of a 16 passenger van to school. The children were ages 3 to 13, sitting on top of each other in the death trap vehicle. Police say that it is common for poorer people to use rogue minibus drivers to get from one town to the next. Many of the vehicles they operate are unsafe and fatal accidents are common.

Whoa. But you know what, you can’t even fault the guy—you can, but seriously, the parents were the ones who shoved little Timmy into the back of a minivan with 48 other children. If the man was that drunk, don’t you think somebody would have noticed it? Especially since some of the children were young as three years old. Most parents walk those young children to the bus. They didn’t realize that Drunky McDrunkerson was behind the wheel? I know when you are poor you got to do what you go to do, but there’s got to be a better way. And secondly, I would like to see pictures of how he got 49 kids into a minivan. That’s like a circus act.

Not Another School Shooting
Actually, it isn’t, but a fourth grade boy from New York faces suspension after he was found with a toy gun at school. The boy had a two inch Lego action figure of a policeman and a machine gun. The principal of the school saw the miniature gun at lunchtime and confiscated it. She then contacted his parents and notified him that he would probably be suspended for violating the school’s strict no weapons policy. The parents have appealed to the school’s security administrator and they agreed that the boy should not have brought the “weapon” into school. The parents stated that another child had a Lego action figure carrying an axe, but that child was not suspended.



Everybody knows what Legos are. Everybody knows how small the little action figures are. They are less than two inches tall and the toy gun is even smaller. Look at that little thing! I can understand being strict about no weapons, but I think it is beyond ridiculous that the kid is suspended. A plastic Lego toy less than an inch long is not a threat to anybody. This is a classic example of people blindly following rules for the sake of following rules. And what about the kid with the miniature Lego axe? He should be suspended too. We don’t him giving anybody any paper cuts.

Fight Club
A fourth-grade teacher has been reassigned after it was alleged that he turned his classroom into a fighting ring. Two students, aged 9 and 10, were told to settle their dispute by fighting each other in the classroom. After one cut his lip and the other bruised his head, the teacher finally sent them to the school nurse. He told the boys to lie if they were questioned by the nurse. “Just tell her that you bumped into each other,” the boys were told. Both the teacher and his aide are being charged.

As if you didn’t have to worry about the teacher thinking your kid is a moron or the drunk bus driver or the gun-wielding Columbine kid, you now have to worry about the teacher forcing your kid to become a UFC champion. This is starting to read like a top 10 list on why you should home-school your kids.

What Goes Around May Not Come Around
A Slovenian man probably wishes he would have just let sleeping dogs lie when he decided to save three bullmastiff dogs from being put down. The dogs were alleged to have attacked other humans, but the man won a legal battle at the last moment right before their euthanisation. The dogs had seriously injured a passer-by and then later attacked a dog handler. After he brought the dogs home, they attacked and killed him before police could arrive.

I know that people are attached to their pets, but you have to let them go if they are a menace. He saved the dogs only for them to attack him and kill him. Thanks for nothing.

Pot Made Me Do It
A San Francisco man claimed it was the pot filled cookies he’d been eating that made him act like a lunatic aboard a flight to Los Angeles. The plane was diverted to Pittsburgh shortly after leaving Philadelphia because the man was unruly on the aircraft. The man went into the bathroom and started screaming, then tried to fight the crew who just wanted him to sit down. The man stated that he was high on a double dose of medical marijuana cookies at the time of the attack.

Not that I know that much about marijuana, but doesn’t it make you all calm and chill? Isn’t that way why people use it for medication in the first place, because you’re basically kind of numb and you’re just on another planet for a little while? I don’t know if I believe his story, unless his pot was laced with something else. It was a nice try though, pretending to be mentally deranged to avoid terrorism charges.

Double Coupon Day
Don’t you get annoyed when people don’t pay you back in kind? Meaning, they ask to borrow $10 and you give them a ten and they pay you back in pennies. Then they blithely say, “It’s money.” Sure, technically it is, but it’s also annoying. What if someone paid you back in COUPONS? A California judge is being admonished by a judicial committee because he ordered clients to pay their attorney in coupons for women’s clothing. The clients had sued a fashion company for invasion of privacy. As a settlement of the lawsuit the fashion company offered the clients coupons for their clothing line. The judge said, “Well, since they gave you coupons, you should pay your attorney in coupons too.” The attorney was owed $125,000. The judge has since reversed the order and has retired.

Hahaha. I wish someone would come up to me with some coupons.

Today’s Thought

Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries. –James Michener

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Daily News February 2

Today is February 2, 2010. It is the 33rd day of the year with 332 to go. Today is Groundhog Day. It is also Candlemas.

Today’s History

In 1653, New Amsterdam (which is now New York City) was incorporated.
In 1848, the Mexican-American war ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.

Today’s News

Six More Weeks!
Punxsutawney Phil, the world’s meteorologist, has emerged from his cave of wonders to spot his shadow, indicating there will be six more weeks of winter. In a strange display of idiocy, thousands of people gathered in the frigid early morning hours to see what the overgrown hedgehog—I mean, groundhog (whatever), had to say about the weather. According to this ridiculous and archaic German tradition, if he sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter. If the badger—groundhog (…!) doesn’t see his shadow spring will come early. This overgrown rural rat has been predicting the weather since 1887, with only one pause during World War II.





And he’s only been correct 39 per cent of the time. He might be right this winter though, because they’re expecting some winter weather this weekend. Bundle up, ya’ll!


No College for Timmy
Unless little Timmy borrows from a loan shark or sells his kidney on the black market, he might not be able to afford college next year. Officials say that college tuition has increased by up to 30 per cent in some states. Florida students can expect to pay 15 per cent more. In Washington, college goers will pay up to 14 per cent more. Nine per cent additional is expected in Illinois and a whopping 30 per cent in California. The national average for college tuition at a state school is approximately $7020, and that doesn’t even include room and board. Officials also state that these increases are not just for next year, but they will increase by those amounts EVERY YEAR for the next SEVERAL years. That means tuition will be DOUBLED in some states in just five years. That means if you have eighth graders, you’d better put them to work now, or if you’re strapped for cash, here are some jobs that pay well without having a college degree: Aides supervisor ($60,652); Assembly supervisor (59,926); Assistant site manager (86,5864); Automobile service station manager (81,793); Cable supervisor (71,826); Carpenter supervisor (70,565); Chemical supervisor (67,114); Construction equipment operator (50,783); Credit and collection supervisor (61,387). (Source: Careerbuilder).

Tell Junior to pick one and keep it moving.

If You Can’t Stand the Heat…
…get out of the truck! A Massachusetts home will be razed to the ground after a truck driver plowed into the home when he lost control of his vehicle. The driver claimed to have passed out after choking on some very hot chili. The truck slammed into the house and is lodged so tightly that authorities say the only way to remove the truck is by tearing the house down completely. The driver is in hospital with minor injuries and a woman in the home was not injured. Police have ruled out drugs and alcohol, but an investigation is on-going.

I need to understand how he was eating hot chili while he was driving in the first place. According to the article no charges have been filed, but to me this is reckless driving. I don’t know if there are any laws against eating and driving, but if you can’t eat and drive at the same time without smashing into someone’s home, then maybe you should put the chili down or just pull over. Two words: lawsuit. Okay, lawsuit is one word, but you know what I mean.

But Not in the House of the Lord
A restraining order has been taken out against a pastor in Tennessee because it is alleged that he tried to shoot his own son at church. The son said they were arguing because of his lack of attendance at church when his father pulled a weapon on him and demanded that he start attending church more often or else. The son said his father said he would kill him, his wife and the rest of the family. So far the pastor has had nothing to say about this.

Go to church or I’ll kill you? How’s that for some religious browbeating? It’s a war out there: get your butt in church or Pastor Killswitch is coming to get you.

I’m in Love with a Chicken
In this day of super technology and everyone is walking around with a video camera or a camera on their cell phone, you should be careful how you act or you might end up on YouTube. Perhaps you don’t want to be seen kissing and snuggling up with a chicken on a New York City subway. A woman and her two friends were headed uptown when they came across a man on the train getting up close and personal with a chicken. The woman said she felt compelled to video the man and his poultry. She described him as lying on the floor of the train, rolling back and forth while kissing and hugging the chicken. The man did not appear to notice that people were staring at him as if he was crazy. The transit authority is investigating because only service animals are permitted on the train, and the man was also wearing a New York Transit Authority uniform.





Well, you know, only in New York do random things like that happen. If the man wants to love his chicken, let him love his chicken. He ain’t hurting nobody, but I hope he really was a homeless man and not an employee, because he might not have a job once they identify him.

Today’s Thought

It was naïve of the 19th century optimists to expect paradise from technology—and it is equally naïve of the 20th century pessimists to make technology the scapegoat for such old shortcomings of as man’s blindness, cruelty, immaturity, greed and sinful pride. –Peter F. Drucker